Funny Onion News Quotes & Sayings

I'm fully aware that not every cartoon is Pulitzer material. That said, I'm proud of my Pulitzer portfolio, the 20 that got judged. — Steve Breen

She bought a chocolate bar and it tasted surprisingly good - as if, without her knowing it, sitting here and eating this chocolate was the one thing she had wanted to do all day. — Richard Yates

Nature is the discipline on which all intelligence is based. Why ever would its understanding, a two-fold dynamic, be based not on reactionary actions, but on the conjuring of time-timelessness and non-reactionary backward spans? — Dew Platt

I consider a merchant someone who has a certain intuition and instinct, and - very important - knows how to run a business, knows the numbers. — Millard Drexler

Temperance is love in training. — Dwight L. Moody