Funny Offended Quotes & Sayings

It used to be that you had to make female TV characters perfect so no one would be offended by your 'portrayal' of women. Even when I started out on 'The Office' eight years ago, we could write our male characters funny and flawed, but not the women. And now, thankfully, it's completely different. — Mindy Kaling

You think I'm daffy?"
"Don't be offended by a snap judgment. It's true of anyone who cares about squirrels. — Edward W. Robertson

Mother, you have my father much offended. — William Shakespeare

See, I don't really go after girls. Most of the girlfriends I've had have come after me. So it's really funny when girls get offended because I don't hit on them. — Kellan Lutz

In the war room, love? What if someone comes in?"
I stood and removed his shirt. "Then they'll have a good story to tell."
"Good?" He adopted the pretense of being offended.
"Prove me wrong. — Maria V. Snyder

What are you?" I whispered.
"What are you?"
Offended, I frowned. "Human."
"Funny, me too."
"No, you're not."
"Funny, neither are you."
I set my jaw and glared. What a jerk. "Why did you come here?"
My voice came from his mouth, disconcerting as always. "I could ask you the same thing. Are you going to kill me? — Kiersten White

Would you look at this?" Silk waved a piece of parchment at the old man.
"What's the problem?" Belgarath took the parchment and read it.
"That whole business was settled years ago," Silk declared in an irritated voice. "Why are these things still being circulated?"
"The description IS colorful," Belgarath noted.
"Did you see that?" Silk sounded mortally offended. He turned to Garion. "Do I look like a weasel to you?"
"
an ill-favored, weasel-faced man," Belgarath read, "shifty-eyed and with a long, pointed nose. A notorious cheat at dice."
"Do you mind? — David Eddings

Yes, he's a nice guy, He's almost as funny as you, only more dignified."
"I think I'm offended."
"I'm teasing!"
"Of course you are. You're always teasing me."
"That's because you're so teasable."
"Mm...that's a lame answer. Why don't you just admit that you're madly in love with me and get it over with? — Jennae Noelle

Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do? — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Married?" she practically screeched, not sounding all that pleased, which left him feeling a little offended. "We're not getting married."
He snorted at that. "I may have let you have your naughty little way with me for the past couple of months, but that doesn't mean I'm going to allow you to keep treating me like some dirty little boy toy. If you want to live with me then I expect you to put a ring on my finger," he said, holding up his left hand and wiggling his ring finger to punctuate his words. — R.L. Mathewson

If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny. — Sarah Silverman

I listen to a lot of rap where men talk a certain way about women and I'm not offended. It's meant to be funny. I'm throwing it right back at them with humor, but some people can't take it. They're not used to women talking back. — Kesha

Whatcha got there?" Drake asked, nodding to the floor. "Snacks for me." I winked. "Well, now I'm offended." He fake pouted, scooting away from me in his seat, which made it even more funny because there was nowhere for him to go in the tiny car. "Why is that?" Nothing wrong with playing along, besides, he was cute when he was fake-mad. What was I saying? He was cute ALL the time. He turned to me and slid his arms around my waist, pulling me close. Far off, I caught a whiff of his scent. Mmm. Delicious. "It's just that I thought I was your snack on the go." His breath danced on my cheek, dangerously close to my lips. I giggled before I could stop myself. "Do you really want me to suck you dry?" "Mmm, that sounds like an offer I can't refuse." He raised his eyebrows and flashed a naughty grin. "Don't be dirty, I didn't mean that." I slapped his arm for good measure. "Is that all you think of me as - some kind of slutty vampire? — Karly Kirkpatrick

Mabel, I manscape," he says in a very offended voice. — Lily Morton

Fifteen minutes later, a meeting was called.
"Okay, look." Deb's face was dead serious. "I know I just joined this project, and I don't want to offend anyone. But I'm going to be honest. I think you've been going about this all wrong."
"I'm offended," Dave told her flatly. — Sarah Dessen

Eventually I got asked to be in a Michael J. Fox sitcom called High School U.S.A. I didn't think it was funny and said no. They doubled the money, and that kind of offended me. I realized, oh, that's right, my opinion means nothing in Hollywood. I'd seen other people compromise, and I felt that once you gave up on what you wanted to do, you couldn't go back. It was selling out. So I decided to go back to Minneapolis. — Joel Hodgson

Boomer took bites of all six varieties, contemplating each one and "guring out the order in which he would then eat them. "I like the
brown one and the lighter brown one and the almost-brown one. I'm not so sure about the minty one. But really, I think the lebkuchen spice
one is the best."
"The what?"
"The lebkuchen spice one." He held it up for me. "This one."
"You're making that up. What's a lebkuchen spice? It sounds like a cross between a Keebler elf and a stripper. Hello, my name ees
Lebkuchen Spice, and I vant to show you my cooooookies ... "
"Don't be rude!" Boomer protested. As if the cookie might be offended. — David Levithan

CPR dummy looked like him and had clearly been stabbed. Repeatedly. In the groin. He thought she might have used the dummy for target practice, and tried not to be offended. Key word: tried. — Gena Showalter

I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive. — Sarah Silverman

Your insult has offended me. If we were at the Peaks, we would have to duel in traditional alil'tiki'i fashion."
"Which is what?" Teft asked. "With spears?"
Rock laughed. "No, no. We upon the Peaks are not barbarians like you down here."
"How then?" Kaladin asked, genuinely curious.
"Well," Rock said, "is involving much mudbeer and singing."
"How's that a duel?"
"He who can still sing after the most drinks is winner. Plus, soon' everyone is so drunk that they forget what argument was about."
Teft laughed. "Beats knives at dawn, I suppose. — Brandon Sanderson