Funny Nun Quotes & Sayings

I never said you were supposed to be a jailer, i only said a normal person would have questioned why someone would create a decoy nun and then crawl out the window. — Janette Rallison

Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's that, is it moving, get it!! It's a nun! FRY HER!! FRY HER!" — Dylan Moran

Course you can't fucking see, buddy, it's darker than a nun's virgin anus down here. — Charlie Huston

Then Sister Aquinata abandoned the nonviolent methods and produced a rolling pin from somewhere. — Mary Robinette Kowal

Why would any writer in her right mind ever consider making a movie instead? That's like going from being a monk or a nun to serving as a camp counselor for hundreds of problem children. — Amy Tan

Funny thing about revenge. It could make a killer out of a nun. — Kevis Hendrickson

Is this your boyfriend?" the first nun asked.
Clair Olivia looked me up and down. "No. This is my gay friend who decided he was straight and single-handedly wrecked havoc at an all-boys school in Massachusetts this fall. He's gay again and home for Christmas, so yay! — Bill Konigsberg

Ladies glisten, men perspire, horses sweat.

-Early Nun Quote, The Old Ursuline Convent (1727)
New Orleans, LA — Diana Hollingsworth Gessler

Jesus," I prayed silently, "please fix it so that my turn to read won't come around."
And then the nun called my name, but before I stood I thought, "I'll bet you think this is funny, huh, Jesus?"
I stood and stared at the sentence assigned to me and believed that, through some miracle, I would suddenly be able to read it and not be humiliated. I stood there and stared at it until the children started giggling and snickering and Sister told me to sit down. — John William Tuohy

He's got the kind of body that could turn a nun into a whore. — Brooke Moss