Funny Lt Dan Quotes & Sayings

Are there glass shards in my anus? — Dane Cook

I believe so strongly in what I do and I practice what I preach! My Dad died at fifty - do I have to die at fifty? My Dad ate all the junk food, he wouldn't exercise - how can you tell your Dad anything? We know about nutrition and we know about exercise. There's no reason for anybody to be sick and tired, fat and out of shape - it's ridiculous! — Jack LaLanne

But we came for the Kennedy Center Awards, which was an incredible honor. Being a British person, I was bestowed this honor. And my partner and I, David, came. And we were so pleasantly surprised by George Bush and his knowledge of AIDS. He really - he treated David and I - and Laura - treated us like - they were so friendly and so courteous. — Elton John

Scratch marks on the back, sore muscles and bruised hip bones won't get you into a woman's heart or mind ... Gentle whispers and holding her hand will. — Alice Walsh

Alex leaned forward, grabbing Basia's hands in his own. It's still on you. I will never live down not being the person my wife needed after she spent twenty years waitin' for me. I can never make that right. Don't go feelin' sorry for yourself. You fucked up. You failed the people you love. They're payin' the price for it right now and you demean them every second you don't own that shit. — James S.A. Corey