Funny Just Kidding Quotes & Sayings

And Sanderson?" "Are you kidding? I bet his girlfriend is a dominatrix or something." "Or his boyfriend." "No, he's so not cool enough to be gay." She was very funny. — Mary Calmes

This quote will self-destruct in ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... Just kidding ... Or am I? — Craig Benzine

Aurora!" Dad came running out.
"Over here."
"We're going to head home." Dad leaned against a post at the bottom of the steps. "Hey, guys. What're you talking about?"
I smiled. "Just ... girl stuff."
"Tampons," Blake blurted.
My jaw dropped. Dad's eyes went wide. "Well, that's ... very ... uh ... " He backed a few steps. Glanced over his shoulder. "I'll just ... um ... Gemma!" And he was sprinting toward the building.
"Blake!" we all snapped.
"Sorry, I panicked."
"Aurora," Ayden said. "You'd better - before your mom - "
"Yep." I raced down the steps. "Dad, he was kidding! — A&E Kirk

It's weird how an actor can read a script and think 'it's really good, it's really funny, that's going to be really dramatic ... ' and then you get there and say: "Oh, I have to get in it? I have to get in the water?! Are you kidding?" — Jamie Bell

Jack prepared another needle with the antibiotics.
"You're not sticking me with that."
"Come on. It'll only hurt for a second, and I'll get to look under that sheet again."
"Jack, I'm not kidding. I don't like shots. Enough already."
"You need the medicine. Now gimme your cheek."
"Ha. Ha. Very funny."
She let him give her the shot and stuck her tongue out when he finished. He loved how easily she made him laugh.
"Smart ass."
"Sore ass is more like it." — Jennifer Ryan

Any other iron on you?" he asked impatiently.
"Just my tongue stud."
His look was a mixture of curiosity and horror.
"I'm kidding, you idiot. Let's go. — Kiersten White

The first time they'd met, in this very pub, he'd hit on her using so little finesse, she'd been forced to ask if he was kidding. Granted, they'd both had a few too many drinks that night, but nothing excused the line, "I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you." Nothing. — Tessa Bailey

I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are ... — David Cross

I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more. — James Brown

As one would expect, the Pope's schedule is quite disciplined - he wakes up at four o'clock each morning and runs on the treadmill for an hour. I'm totally kidding. Nobody's knees have time for that. — Jared Brock

I just find it funny what people will comment on, I try to not pay that much attention to it, but the crazy part is that if I'm doing a squat and I have an action photo, they're like, "Oh your form is off!" And I'm like, are you kidding? I'm still at the gym and you're not! — Khloe Kardashian

This is the biggest damn IPod I've ever seen," Claire said, which made him choke on his beer. "Kidding. I have seen a jukebox before. — Rachel Caine

Why would you go on a pirate dinner cruise?" He had to know.

Her jaw dropped. "Are you kidding me? Why wouldn't you go on a pirate dinner cruise? There's pirates and dinner. And you get to say 'argh' and 'matey' while drinking lots of rum without anyone looking at you funny." Her breath caught. "Maybe one of them will even have a real parrot!"

Perhaps he'd overestimated her - just a little. — Elle Rush

I've been assigned to bodyguard you."
You've got to be kidding me.
Derek snorted.
Ascanio pretended not to hear it. "The Beast Lord spoke to me this morning. I'm responsible for your well-being, and if you get injured, I'll answer to him personally."
Oh, that bastard. Found the kid an impossible job, did he?
Derek laughed quietly.
Ascanio finally deemed it necessary to acknowledge Derek's existence. "Is something funny?"
"I don't even know you, and I feel sorry for you. — Ilona Andrews

There is a gay agenda?" he asked. "Naturally. Although marriage is the second item. Draw two." "So what's the first?" Jackson asked, grinning. He seemed to be the only person at the table besides Levi who realized Jaime was kidding. Everybody else was staring at Jaime with open-mouthed shock. "Recruitment. Especially of children. That's why I'm here, in fact. We're having a membership drive this month, and whoever recruits the most minors wins two free tickets to see Kathy Griffin live. — Marie Sexton

This is really good," Donovan Caine said, attacking his third strawberry pancake. "You sound surprised," I said. He shrugged. "I just didn't think an assassin would be able to cook like this." "Well, I do get lots of practice with knives. You could say I'm multitasking." The detective froze, his fork halfway to his mouth. "I'm kidding. I enjoy cooking. It relaxes me. — Jennifer Estep

Asshole." "Just for that, I expect you to wrap that dirty mouth of yours around my cock tonight." He narrowed his eyes on me.
I couldn't believe he'd just said that to me in a fancy restaurant where anyone might overhear. "Are you kidding?" "Babe," he gave me a look that suggested I was missing the obvious, "I never kid about blowjobs."
Our waiter had descended on us just in time to hear those romantic words and his rosy cheeks betrayed his embarrassment. "Ready to order?" he croaked out."Yes," Braden answered, obviously uncaring he'd been overhead. "I'll have the steak, medium-rare." He smiled softly at me. "What are you having?" He took a swig of water. He thought he was so cool and funny. "Apparently sausage." Braden choked on the water, coughing into his fists, his eyes bright with mirth as he put his glass back on the table. "Are you okay, sir?" The waiter asked anxiously. "I'm fine, I'm fine. — Samantha Young

Breakfast time," he said eventually, casually - to prove, I'm sure, that he remembered all my human
frailties.
So I clutched my throat with both hands and stared at him with wide eyes. Shock crossed his face.
"Kidding!" I snickered. "And you said I couldn't act!"
He frowned in disgust. "That wasn't funny."
"It was very funny, and you know it." But I examined his gold eyes carefully, to make sure that I was
forgiven. Apparently, I was.
"Shall I rephrase?" he asked. "Breakfast time for the human. — Stephenie Meyer

Green Lantern: "What are your powers anyway? You can't fly."
Batman: "No."
Green Lantern: "Super-strength?"
Batman: "No."
Green Lantern: "Hold on a second ... You're not just some guy in a bat costume, are you? Are you freaking kidding me?! — Geoff Johns

Uh ... ," Ivy stammered, and I glanced up to see her eyes wide in consideration.
"I'm kidding," I said. "It passed the lethal-amulet test, remember?"
"Not that. You keep it in your underwear drawer?"
I hesitated, wondering why I was embarrassed. "Well, where do you put your elven magic?" I asked. — Kim Harrison

And I know someone who's
perfect for her. He works in my lab. He's smart. He's funny. His name is Bert."
Bert?
Is she fucking kidding me? What kind of sick son of a bitch names his kid Bert in this day and
age? That's just cruel.
"He'll show Kate a good time. I plan on setting them up this weekend."
And I plan on handcuffing myself to Kate's ankle and eating the key. Let's see what kind of good
time Bert can show Kate when she's dragging me around behind her like a Siamese twin. — Emma Chase

OCEANA: Are we here to take a tour of the museum? Is this your surprise?
ORPHEUS: This is my house.
OCEANA: (gasps) You gotta be kidding me.
ORPHEUS: (now glaring at her) No I'm not. — Scarlett Brukett

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding? ... Noooo ... as funny as that is, I'm not — Ellen DeGeneres

Sometimes I am so dry that people don't know I'm kidding and think I'm being serious. I enjoy this because their reactions are often funny. — Robert Crais

You've always been there for me. Always. Even when I ... " V
"Even when you what?" B
"You know." V
"What?" B
"Fuck. Even when I was in love with you. Or some shit." V
Butch clasped his hands to his chest. "Was? Was? I can't believe you've lost interest." He threw one arm over his eyes, all Sarah Bernhardt. "My dreams of our future are shattered - " B
"Shut it, cop." V
Butch looked out from under his arm. "Are you kidding me? The reality show I had planned was fantastic. Was going to pitch it to VH1. Two Bites Are Better Than One. We were going to make millions ." B
"Oh, for the love. — J.R. Ward

We were surrounded by thirty-foot-tall giants who were about to kill us. Then the sky opened up, and the gods descended."
"Grandad," the kids said, "you are full of schist."
"I'm not kidding!" he protested. — Rick Riordan

I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends. — Steven Wright

He started to touch the mechanism under the keyboard,
then pulled his hand back with a snap.
"Ah," he said. "Must deactivate the security ... Turn around, please."
"What?"
"Turn around, Claire. It's a secure password!"
"You have GOT to be kidding."
"Why ever would I joke about that? Please turn. — Rachel Caine

Honestly, half the reason I like you is because you're so ... I don't know. You like life." He looked away from my eyes, amused as his thoughts spun, considering. "You're fearless. Bold. Not afraid to enjoy yourself. You just go out there and do what you want. I like the whirlwind you exist in. I envy it. It's funny, really." He smiled. "I used to think I wanted someone exactly like me, but now I think I'd be bored to death with another version of myself. I'm surprised I don't bore you sometimes."
I gaped. "Are you kidding? You're the most interesting person I know. Aside from Hugh maybe. But then, he installs breast implants and buys souls. That's a hard combination to beat. But he's not nearly as cute. — Richelle Mead

Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about. — Ellen DeGeneres

You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding! — Jeff Foxworthy

Backup?" Tori said. "You mean he didn't need that?"
"Apparently not," I murmured.
Simon looked from her to me, confused, then understanding. "You guys thought ... "
"That if you didn't get your medicine in the next twenty-four hours, you'd be dead?" I said. "Not exactly, but close. You know, the old 'upping the ante with a fatal disease that needs medication' twist. Apparently, it still works."
"Kind of a letdown, then, huh?"
"No kidding. Here we were, expecting to find you minutes from death. Look at you, not even gasping."
"All right, then. Emergency medical situation, take two."
He leaped to his feet, staggered, keeled over, then lifted his head weakly.
"Chloe? Is that you?" He coughed. "Do you have my insulin?"
I placed it in his outstretched hand.
"You saved my life," he said. "How can I ever repay you?"
"Undying servitude sounds good. I like my eggs scrambled."
He held up a piece of fruit. "Would you settle for a bruised apple? — Kelley Armstrong

He looks again towards the door, expecting Mum to walk in and remind him of something he's forgotten. He smiles awkwardly.
'Is that it, Dad? I've got to go.'
'Your Mum said I should mention ... um ... satisfaction.'
'What!'
'She said young men should know things, should be told things so that the girl won't be ... ' his eyes plead for understanding, ' ... disappointed.'
[ ... ] 'No worries, Dad. My biology teacher said I was a natural.'
Dad looks confused.
'I'm kidding, Dad.'
[ ... ] Poor bloke, having to do the dirty work while Mum's off with her gang.
'Dad? What did Grandpa tell you about sex?'
'He said if I got a girl pregnant, he'd kill me. — Steven Herrick

Are you kidding me? The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana. — TheFlamingPopsicle

You're kidding, right?" Ezra barked. "We're not just going to wait." "I suppose we could help people clean up a bit," "Girl!" Ezra called out. "Big eyes!" Winter turned from what she was looking at. "Are you talking to me? — Obert Skye