Funny I'm Worth It Quotes & Sayings

I had a pain in my neck from sleeping funny, at least five hours' worth of homework, and a newfound realization that woman cannot live on cherry-flavored lip gloss alone. I dug in the bottom of my bag and found a very questionable breath mint, and figured that if I was going to die of starvation, I should at least have minty-fresh breath for the benefit of whatever classmate or faculty member would be forced to give me CPR. — Ally Carter

Men weigh love with hands. — Ljupka Cvetanova

One picture is worth 1,000 denials. — Ronald Reagan

Nothing is worth having if it isn't worth showing off ... — Thabang Gideon Magaola

If I didn't kick his ass every day? he wouldn't be worth anything. — Hillary Clinton

The ending of a book is, in my experience, both the best and worst part to read. For the ending will often determine whether you love or hate the book.
Both emotions lead to disappointment. If the ending was good, and the book was worth your time, then you are left annoyed and depressed because there is no more book to read. However, if the ending was bad, then it's too late to stop reading. You're left annoyed and depressed because you wasted so much time on a book with a bad ending.
Therefore, reading is obviously worthless, and you should go spend your time on other, more valuable pursuits. — Brandon Sanderson

Nico: By the time I drove back home last night, I'd gotten myself under control. I'd reasoned with my hard-on until it finally saw my way. Who knew you could reason with a fucking hard-on. I guess I never tried. I just took care of it, did what it wanted me to. — Vi Keeland

Most of the other visitors were chained to their audio guides, looking only at what their little headsets told them was worth seeing. — Dara Horn

I occasionally laugh and tell him that his imperturbability is worth three hundred milligrams of lithium a day to me, and it is probably true. — Kay Redfield Jamison

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. — Will Rogers

When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much. — Joel Barnett, Baron Barnett

If I could bronze my love, it'd be worthy of a silver medal. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I've been fighting to be who I am all my life. What's the point of being who I am, if I can't have the person who was worth all the fighting for? — Stephanie Lennox

I picked up the nearest weapon I could lay my hands on: a stapler. I lifted it, going for "menacing." I admit it lacked a certain elegance, but hey. It was worth a shot. David placed his hand on my arm and pushed it back down.
"What?"
"Just ... that's embarrassing for all of us," he replied. — Rachel Hawkins

Hey You
You are beautiful.
You are talented.
You are blessed.
You are gifted.
You are smart.
You are funny.
You are fun.
You are loving.
You are lovable.
You are unique.
You are special.
But most of all, you are strong and will get through this because there are others that have gone through something similar. Look for them. Because they are looking for you! — Shannon L. Alder

The best thing about being 45 is not taking myself so seriously. Do I miss the package I came in at 25? I do. Gravity is no one's friend. Yet the perspective I've gained is so worth the wear and tear. What would have mortified me at 25 is now simply fodder for a funny, relatable story. Also? I was a waitress at 25, and now I'm an author. Forty-five is definitely better. — Jen Lancaster

A funny little literary article in the hand is worth at least three Critiques of Pure Reason in the bush. — Aldous Huxley

Sometimes WRONG is worth the FUNNY! — Billy Gardell

But she was funny sometimes, and never boring. God, it would almost be worth it to see her face when she realized that I had saved her ass again.
Actually it was quite a nice ass, come to think of it. In fact, my memory of the ass and its owner seemed to be remarkably clear. — Ilona Andrews

Avocados, it's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts. — Karl Pilkington

Clearly here was someone, like me, who tended to stumble through life and managed to see the funny side of situations. Someone who, like me, was fairly shy, yet not averse to expressing his opinions; someone who unlike me had a developed sense of his own worth and had the effrontery to convey it. — Jane Hawking

Though the funny thing about never being asked for anything is that after a while you start to feel like maybe you don't have anything worth giving. — Lev Grossman

Any man who can't appreciate a classic pickup ain't worth his weight in salt. — Colleen Coble

It was reported that the New York Knicks have won all 12 of the home games attended by magician David Blaine. A spokesman for the Knicks said, 'if this is what it takes to win, it's not worth it.' — Tina Fey

This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in 10,000 pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over 14,000 dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him. — Tina Fey

[Thine] face is not worth sunburning. — William Shakespeare

Well don't get your hopes up," I warned. "I'm a lot more trouble than i'm worth."
"I don't doubt that," he said, indicating my box of junk.
"What did you do to get sent here?"
"I can't tell you."
"Because then you'd have to kill me. — Christine Manzari

What does being a woman today mean? Is there a right way of doing it? Is there a wrong way of doing it? Different kinds of women, female friendships: It's all pretty funny, and worth making fun of. — Elizabeth Meriwether

All the things I thought I was - simple and plain and sometime funny - are very small words. They do not begin to describe me. They do not begin to express what is inside of me. I have value, and I have worth. I cannot be replaced like old shoes or taken for granted like tap water. — Adriana Trigiani

This guy is funny. But is he safe? And how much is that worth when the world itself has ceased to exist? — Isabella Olivia Ellis

Sure you can be a coward and hope somone else changes the wrld for you. You can hide up in that attic of yours until someone knocks on the door and says, 'Oh, hey, they freed the hidden. Want to come out?' Is that what you want"
Luke didnt answer
"You've got to come, Luke, or you'll hate yourself the rest of your life. When you dont have to hide anymore, even years from now, there'll always be some small part of you whispering 'I don't deserve this. I didnt fight for it. I'm not worth it.' And you are, Luke, you are. You're smart and funny and nice, and you should be living life, instead of being buried alive in that old house of yours — Margaret Peterson Haddix

Wen you're a married man, Samivel, you'll understand a good many things as you don't understand now; but vether it's worth while goin' through so much to learn so little, as the charity-boy sand ven he go to the end of the alphabet, it's a matter of taste. — Charles Dickens

Do you need help with anything?" he asked with a wicked arched brow. "Maybe with cookies for Santa."
Scowling because no one was here but us, I said, "You're a bit late for that. Santa already came."
He hadn't moved, but I knew better than to think he would. Flynn was a pro at filling the bubble air space that was meant to be private and personal. "And were you a good girl?" he asked.
Awkwardly folding my arms over my chest, I said, "Not sure, I haven't checked. But you needn't look. We all know you are all bad."
Laughing, he said, "Yeah, well, there are other things worth unwrapping."
Grinding my teeth, I asked, "What, you didn't get your Ho, Ho, Ho, last night?"
Tossing back another full belly laugh, he said, "You know you're kind of funny when you want to be. — Shannon Dermott

Quite frankly, every single day that I do something creative, and show it to people, I'm nervous. Even this video, I'm like, 'You're too earnest, it's not funny enough, nobody likes you.' Um, well, I gotta do it, because unless I say something about the world I don't know if it's worth gettin' up in the morning.
... Was that depressing, or inspirational? — Felicia Day

Some people would say it's a bad idea to bring a fire-spider into a public library. Those people would probably be right, but it was better than leaving him alone in the house for nine hours straight. The one time I tried, Smudge had expressed his displeasure by burning through the screen that covered his tank, burrowing into my laundry basket, and setting two weeks' worth of clothes ablaze. — Jim C. Hines

So you went bike riding, then," she said. "Just around town? Out on the forest trails somewhere?"
"Yes," I said, "we went out to Forman's place."
Her face twisted, eyes widening, eyebrows curling, nostrils flaring. It was her "shocked" face, with a dash of "confused." "Really?"
"Of course not," I said, "but the face you just made almost makes this conversation worth it. — Dan Wells

A penny for my thoughts oh no i'll sell em for a dollar their worth so much more after im a goner and then maybe you'll hear the words ive been singing funny when your dead how people start listening — The Band Perry

I always thought it would be funny to have the Parents Television Council write an episode of 'Family Guy' and give them full creative control. Then see how good the episode is. That's something we've actually discussed in the writers' room. We haven't proposed it yet, but if somebody from the PTC reads this, it might be worth discussing. — Seth MacFarlane

I remember sitting in his office a hundred times during those grim months and each time thinking, What on earth can he say that will make me feel better or keep me alive? Well, there never was anything he could say, that's the funny thing. It was all the stupid, desperately optimistic, condescending things he didn't say that kept me alive; all the compassion and wamrth I felt from him that could not have been said; all the intelligence, competence, and time he put into it; and his granite belief that mine was a life worth living. — Kay Redfield Jamison

I do see things that are funny on the net. I Googled myself the other day and found out that I was worth $250m, and that I was the highest-paid guy in show business! I wish so hard it was true. It is, of course, the complete opposite. I'm neither rich nor do I make a lot of money. — David Crosby

I want to roll my eyes, but I'm pretty soon they're going to get stuck in the back of my head, and penis puns are really not worth my permanent facial damage. — Lauren Morrill

No, Mo," Miss Watkins said, turning to Nesta who was crying with laughter. "Nesta Williams, seeing as you clearly find it so funny. What do you think the name of God might be?"
"Er, not sure," said Nesta, looking caught out. "What do you think?"
"I don't think," said Miss Watkins."I know."
"I don't think I know either," giggled Nesta. The whole class got detention, but it was worth it. I felt like i'd spent the whole morning laughing my head off
We never did get to know what God's name was. — Cathy Hopkins

You have to really believe not only in yourself; you have to believe that the world is actually worth your sacrifices. — Zaha Hadid

Percy, you are dismissed from my service."
"Me? Why, my lord?"
"Why? Because, Percy, far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot. You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly, and the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the court, wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be. If you put on a floppy hat and a funny codpiece, you might just get by as a fool, but since you wouldn't know a joke if it got up and gave you a haircut, I doubt it. That's why you're dismissed."
"Oh, I see."
"And as for you, Baldrick ... "
"Yes."
"You're out, too. — Richard Curtis

For what it's worth, I'll share my intentions. You and me, we aren't practice for the real thing. It isn't that too much is at stake with family and friends, it's because I love you. You're funny, beautiful and you care about people. I like the way you look at me, especially when you think I don't notice it. I like that we have history and our kids will have a big family and share that history because there was never a time when their Mom and Dad weren't together. If you were a terrible lay, I might have second thoughts but you and I are dynamite together. I intend to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. If that freaks you out, tough, because now we've started this, there's no goin' back. — Kristen Ashley

Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. Are you overdone yet? — Charlotte Henley Babb

Such a funny thing, time. You spend your whole life wishing there was more or less of it, never realizing that the time already given could be worth more than that which you wished for." -Davina — Moryah DeMott

I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points. — Zach Galifianakis

It's almost funny, isn't it?"
"What is?"
"How some animals are worth more than others?"
"Well," he handed Konrad a sugar cube from a tin on the shelf. "It isn't just the animal; it's the type of animal."
"Color, shape, size? If people pay for an animal based on what it looks like, what does that say about them?"
"It isn't necessarily what they look like." He frowned. "It's about where they come from."
"That's silly," she said. — Amanda Lance

Life before toilet paper was not worth living. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

The owners of a dog which swallowed a diamond worth £12000 had to wait three days until it re-emerged. With a bit of planning it could have been a nice way to propose. — Frankie Boyle

A poor creature who has said or done nothing worth a serious man taking the trouble of remembering. — Thomas Carlyle

Some entertainers have tried to make art of coarseness, but in their public crudeness they have merely revealed their own vast senses of personal inferiority. When they heap mud upon themselves and allow their tongues to wag with vulgarity, they expose their belief that they are not worth loving and in fact are unlovable. When we as an audience indulge then in their profanity, we are like the audience at the Roman Colosseum being thrilled as the raging lions kill the unarmed Christians. We not only participate in the humiliation of the entertainers, but we are brought low by sharing in the obscenity. We need to have the courage to say obesity is not funny and vulgarity is not amusing. Insolent children and submissive parents are not the characters we want to admire and emulate. Flippancy and sarcasm are not qualities which we need to include in our daily conversations. — Maya Angelou

If I was gay, I'd ... I'd be mesmerized by you. I'd listen to every word that fell out of your mouth like it was diamonds made of sound waves. I'd memorize the pattern of freckles on your back and spend months taking cooking classes just to find something you'd eat. You are kind, and you are funny, and you are brave, and any man who has you needs to see all that or he just isn't worth the laces in your combat boots, you hear me — Amy Lane

She was smart and funny and vulnerable and just so goddamned beautiful, the kind of beautiful that was worth being shot down over. — Jonathan Tropper

I guess it's worth a shot. More than likely a wasted bullet, but I'll fire anyway. — Brandy Nacole

Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about. — Ellen DeGeneres

Well I'm not going to hope that you get hurt, but if you do, remember that you're my damsel in distress, and no one is allowed to carry you."

"I don't remember signing a contract."

"All the more reason to promise me now."

"What if you're not around when I get hurt?"

"Send word, I'll come running."

"How big an injury does it have to be? Because sometimes I do this thing when I stand up too quickly and my ankle kind of twists a little---"

"Sounds serious. You don't want to put any weight on that. I'd better carry you the next time that happens."

"What if I skin my knee?"

"I'll carry you."

"Charley horse?"

"I'll carry you."

"Chipped toenail?"

"Not worth taking a risk. I'll carry you."

I grin at him [...] I have to admit -- he's funnier and smarter than I've given him credit for. — Claire LaZebnik

He can blow the flute very well-that 'a can,' said a young married man, who having no individuality worth mentioning was known as 'Susan Tall's husband. — Thomas Hardy

Now that's worth the trip right there." He chuckled, pink starting to sparkle in his eyes. "How goes it, Gregor? Forgot your manners, did you? If I'd known you were balanced in such a precarious state, I might have taken even ... longer."
I'd yanked a sheet between us and made Gregor pick up his hips, but the rest of him stayed where it was so I could keept that knife close to his heart. It left Gregor with his ass sticking up in the air while his face stayed level with mine. I wasn't trying to be funny. Only practical. — Jeaniene Frost

That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass. — Jeff Foxworthy

I pat her on the head. "Oh, naive little Kitten. Dear, foolish girl. This cookie is worth all this and more. Sit or you will not partake. — Jenny Han

If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing. — Homer

I'm the one who should apologize,' he said. 'I want to help, but I know I won't be able to. I haven't go the answers to anything.'
'That's what men think, isn't it?'
'What?'
'That unless you've got some answer, unless you can say, "Oh, I know this bloke in Essex Road who can fix that for you", then it's not worth bothering.'
Will shifted in his seat and didn't say anything. That was precisely what he thought; in fact, he had spent half the evening trying to think of the name of the bloke in Essex Road, metaphorically speaking. — Nick Hornby

With Jerry Bruckheimer, you know you'll get your money's worth. You're getting huge action sequences, it's going to be funny, and you know it's going to look great. — Jerry O'Connell

But it's funny how you can take something that turns out to be fatal and classify it as not worth fixing. — Catherine Ryan Hyde

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads. — Henny Youngman

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. — Yogi Berra

We're living in a funny time right now, when people build restaurant-grade kitchens in their homes, and if you walk into a specialty cooking store, it seems like you need sixteen gadgets and a graduate degree to make a meal. At the same time, other people live entirely on takeout, frozen food, and energy bars that don't resemble anything close to food. I think there's a middle ground worth finding between those two extremes, where we feed ourselves and the people we love with our hands and without a lot of tricks and fanfare. — Shauna Niequist

The road to redemption might be damn hard, but in the end - if you reached the end - his father was right. It was worth it. Maribelle was worth it. Funny how her birth was the reason he'd started running, but she ended up being the reason he'd stopped. Life was really fucking funny that way. — Madeline Sheehan

And here we go creating great men out of artisans who happened to have stumbled on a way to improve electrical apparatus or pedal through Sweden on a bicycle! And we solicit great men to write books promoting the cult of other great men! It's really very funny, and worth the price of admission! It will all end up with every village having his own great man - a lawyer, a novelist, and a polar explorer of immense stature! And the world will become wonderfully flat and simple and easy to master ... — Knut Hamsun

MacRieve, you're on my cloak. Let up -. Give it back!"
"It was slowing you - and therefore me - down."
"If you had gone first - "
"I dinna. If you want it, why no' use magick to take it from me?"
"You really do not want me to do that."
"You really must no' want your cloak back. Come then, witchling, just take it from me."
"Keep the cloak. It'll be worth money one day."
"Doona fret, witch. You're no' so unbecoming from my angle. Bit scrawny where it counts, but no' too bad."
"Scrawny where it counts, MacRieve? Funny, I'd heard the same about you."
"No' likely. Maybe you're just too young to have heard the rumors about Lykae males. Tender wee ears and such. — Kresley Cole

Maddie squirmed out from under him. "I'm sorry. So sorry. I know this is supposed to be physical. Impersonal. It's only that I keep thinking of lobsters."
He flipped onto his back and lay there, blinking up at the ceiling. "Until just now, I would have said there was nothing remaining that could surprise me in bed. I was wrong."
She sat up, drawing her knees to her chest. "I am the girl who made up a Scottish lover, wrote him scores of letters, and kept up an elaborate ruse for years. Does it really surprise you that I'm odd?"
"Maybe not."
"Lobsters court for months before mating. Before the male can mate with her, the female has to feel secure enough to molt out of her shell. If a spiny sea creature is worth months of effort, can't I have just a bit more time? I don't understand the urgency. — Tessa Dare

Yes, the fans are going to get their money's worth. It's like ... and everything on there is funny. It's not like random crap they put in a movie. I think it's all very funny, so. — Nicholas Stoller

I froze all night. My back's killing me. I want home, and I'm scared to death. But I guess the view makes it all worth it."
"You're funny," Angel said — Jayde Scott

The truth is . . . Well, the truth is the truth, and thus worth telling, but sometimes truths are so complicated that it's exhausting to get them out in the right order." He glanced up at her. That sounded like an evasion if ever she'd heard one. She raised an eyebrow. — Merrie Haskell

We must eschew anything trivial. We must embrace all that is frivolous ... Trivial things take up all your time and dull your senses, whereas frivolity is meaningful, profound, worth living and dying for ... If we devote our lives to frivolity, the world will be a far, far better place. Humanity will be better able to fulfill its primary goal, that of having a good time. — Cynthia Heimel

How's your head?" the larger man asked.
"Do me a favor and cut it off," Black muttered. "It's more pain than it's worth right
now. — Tricia Owens

Funny, that. For so long Wormwood had desired the throne and then, when he'd had it, it hadn't been worth desiring after all. — John Connolly