Funny Emo Quotes & Sayings

I think with 'Chunky Rice,' it felt novel to me to give this emo twist on these funny animals. — Craig Thompson

Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow. — Emo Philips

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. — Emo Philips

When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny. — Emo Philips

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in. — Emo Philips

I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen. — Emo Philips

Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be. — Emo Philips

Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat. — Emo Philips

When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Emo, don't go near the cellar door!" One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like ... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun ... that was nice ... the sun.. — Emo Philips

A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ... " — Emo Philips

Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows. — Emo Philips

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. — Emo Philips

When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster. — Emo Philips