Funny Couples Quotes & Sayings

Shepley stomped into the apartment and slammed the door behind him. "She's fucking impossible!"
I kissed Travis on the cheek. "That's my cue."
"Good luck," Travis said.
I slid in beside America, and she huffed. "He's fucking impossible! — Jamie McGuire

Some people think they're depressed and they go to the doctor and want pills. And you just think: 'You hate where you live, you've lost your job, your boyfriend has dumped you, could all this be why you're depressed?' — Graham Norton

The conversation, as usual, switched back to sex.
"It's difficult with you sometimes though, babe," Dominic said to Bronagh. "I'm constantly torn between wanting to fucking destroy you, but I also want to bring you flowers and chocolates and treat you like a princess."
Bro, TMI!
Bronagh didn't bat an eyelid. "Why not do both?"
Sis, TMI!
"That right there," Dominic snapped his fingers, "that's why I love you — L.A. Casey

Why do women always look so funny alone at night? she thought. I guess you're so used to seeing them with someone. — Shirley Jackson

I was even starting to relax - a little - until he took me to his parents' house for dinner. I've never met two people more in need of a divorce. They bickered and fought all evening. Royce said that's how they express their love. I don't believe him. I mean, please. You tell me if you feel the love from this conversation (written word for word as I remember it):
Linda: Elliot, be a dear and get me another drink.
Elliot: Get it yourself.
Linda: Get up and fix me a drink, you lazy man.
Elliot: Woman, don't push me on this. I've finally gotten comfortable.
Linda: (sugary sweet smile) I'll push you only when you're standing on a bridge.
Elliot: If I were standing on a bridge and saw you coming, you wouldn't have to push me. I'd
jump.
See? Does that sound "loving" to you? — Gena Showalter

In real life, couples bond and war over a million different things. The causes of divorce are like beautiful, unique snowflakes. — Howard Mittelmark

Positive. In other news, Marcie's throwing a Halloween party here at the farmhouse."
Patch smiled. "Grey - Millar family drama?"
"The theme is famous couples from history. Could she be any less original? Worse, she's roped my mom into this. They went shopping for decorations today. For three whole hours. It's like they're suddenly best friends." I picked up another apple slice and made a face at it. "Marcie is ruining everything. I wanted Scott to go with Vee, but Marcie already convinced him to go with her." Patch's smile widened.
I aimed my best sulky look at him. "This isn't funny. Marcie is destroying my life. Whose side are you on anyway?"
Patch raised his hands in surrender. "I'm staying out of this. — Becca Fitzpatrick

I don't care about motivation. I care about credibility. — Eliot Spitzer

He kisses like ... like it could be his job." Margot giggles and lifts the spoons off her eyes. "Like a male prostitute? — Jenny Han

How are we ever going to understand what happens when a civilization comes apart at the seams, as it did in Germany, if we fail to see the most glaring distinctions, such as the gender gap? — Ruth Kluger

I heard Dominic practice Bronagh's breathing tactics, and I wondered if I'd be taking care of him in the delivery ward as well as her.
"I feel like I'm about to pass out."
Yep, I'm definitely going to be looking after him.
"Keep breathing, you'll be fine," I assured him. "Where's me sister?"
"Why're you telling Dominic to breathe?'
Ryder murmured.
"He's freakin' out," I whispered in response making him snicker. — L.A. Casey

Couples are really funny, because if they are together, they can fight and do fun things together. In Jane Austen books, marriage is the end of the story, but I actually think a really funny couple could be a fun thing to watch. — Mindy Kaling

It's funny when you get married, you do find other couples to hang out with. — Jennifer Lopez

I think the gay community, just like anybody, should be represented in all forms and all types. — Cameron Monaghan

That woman," Grimm said quietly, "drives me quite insane."
Kettle grunted. "Why'd you marry her, then? — Jim Butcher

I don't have problems. I am a writer. I am the problem. — Arzum Uzun

And there were carved hearts in the trunks of trees with the initials of couples who felt there was no more romantic thing they could do to celebrate their love than scar the local plant life — Kevin Hearne

Happy COUPLES are those who have passed both chemistry and physics! — Mohith Agadi

People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. — Erma Bombeck

It's funny. Friendships are Catch twenty-twos when you're single and in your thirties. Friends are your life rafts. You try to help each other meet people, you confide in each other, you spend Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, all those emotional land-mine holidays together. But sooner or later one of you is going to meet someone and be gone into the world of couples. — Will McIntosh

Ahhh, you two are special friends." Nick
"How do you mean?" Kyrian
"He thinks we're a couple" Ash
"No No No Definitely not. Not that Acheron is not an attractive man, not that I've ever really noticed whether or not he's attractive, but male is not my type." Kyrian — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Although there are many plans in a loving heart,but only God's will is sufficiently established. — Eunhyuk