Funny Chris D'elia Quotes & Sayings

With his blond hair, broad shoulders, and perpetual tan,
Bryce looked like a California underwear model. Not that I'd thought about him in his underwear.
Much. — Chris Cannon

You have a couple of buddies sleep over, and, you know, you play cops and robbers. That I'm getting paid to do it now is kind of funny. — Chris O'Donnell

The animators are fantastic though. They'll shoot their own reference material, and just go into the car park or something. And they might shoot a very funny scene, or sometimes a serious scene. But they're really just trying to work out the motion. Yet what we get treated to is hilarious video of someone running around a parking lot with a broomstick and a helmet! — Chris Sanders

See, a funny thing happened on the way to space: I learned how to live better and more happily here on Earth. Over time, I learned how to anticipate problems in order to prevent them, and how to respond effectively in critical situations. I learned how to neutralize fear, how to stay focused and how to succeed. — Chris Hadfield

Hollywood's just not funny. — Chris Rock

Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way. — Tom Hiddleston

I have a Dominique Wilkins Hawks jersey that I still wear. That's probably my favorite one. What's funny is that I spend all this time collecting jerseys, and now people are out there collecting mine. — Chris Paul

Everything's funny - in the right context and done by the right person. — Chris Rock

You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma. — Chris Rock

Not a Harvard-type education, ... Just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education. — Chris Rock

I want to really take chances. I want to be funny in a lot of different ways. I'd like to be great. I want to reach for greatness. — Chris Rock

I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan! — Chris Rock

I do like dating cynics - they tend to be incredibly funny. — Chris Pine

All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it. That's it! What, you think you're better than somebody from France 'cause you came out of a pussy in Detroit? — Chris Rock

Farrakhan got everybody together for the Million Man March and everything. But Farrakhan don't like the Jews. Which is bugged. I get my hair cut on Dekalb Avenue. I never been in a barbershop and heard a bunch of brothers talking about Jews. Black people don't hate Jews. Black people hate white people! We don't got time to dice white people up into little groups. I hate everybody! I don't care if you just got here. "Hey, I'm Romanian." "You Romanian cracker!" — Chris Rock

Funny how days are like that. Some days start off rubbish and get worse as they go on, others start well and get better. — Chris Higgins

It's crazy because people expect you to be funny all the time and every day is not a funny day. I go to funerals and people are like 'tell a joke' and 'say one of your lines in a movie.' It's a funeral, man! — Chris Tucker

Fame is a funny thing. I like doing normal things. I like going to fairs. I like going to ball games. I like going to Disney World or a big field on the Fourth of July and having picnics with friends. The problem is you're either worried you're going to be recognized, or you're thankful you're not. It's always there. — Chris Evans

Fans feel they know me, so they want me to be on-the-spot funny, and it's hard to fulfil their expectations. — Chris Lilley

I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central? — Chris Rock

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more? — Chris Rock

I've got funny things. David Duchovny had to have a cast made of his face to do an old person's make-up, and I've got that cast of his face in my house. I've got something from the pilot, the original implant that was in Billy Miles' head. I've got a sign from 'The Erlenmeyer Flask.' But my house isn't a museum to 'The X-Files!' — Chris Carter

I'm not interested in being one of those comedians who wants to look good and be this 'cool' funny person. I don't care how weird or ugly I look. — Chris Lilley

Oh. Momma told me not to tell you that your bed squeaks. But I think you know, 'cause I could hear it this morning. Jake dropped his fork. Tor, for the first time Jake had ever seen, turned scarlet. Maureen looked at them both and sighed. Christmas is always so interesting with you, Mark. — Chris Owen

Dear America,
I suppose we should introduce ourselves: We're South Louisiana ... You probably already know that we talk funny and listen to strange music and eat things you'd probably hire an exterminator to get out of your yard.
We dance even if there's no radio. We drink at funerals. We talk too much and laugh too loud and live too large and, frankly,we're suspicious of others who don't. — Chris Rose

You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think? — Chris Rock

Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow. — Chris Rock

It's funny, after a while, you get tired of having to fight someone because they don't like the way you look. — Chris Robinson

Chris Rock is a very funny man. — Willie Geist

And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! "I believe you have my property!" — Chris Rock

On 'Workaholics,' I feel like I'm just hanging out with my buddies being filmed, but on 'Mindy,' I'm around professional funny people who act. Guys like Chris Messina, who are the real deal. I watch what they do and put my own spin on it. — Anders Holm

I just thought everybody lived around abandoned buildings and crack-heads, ... I lived in the ghetto until I was like 19. I came to Los Angeles, stayed at hotels and stuff. When I got back and I saw what my neighborhood looked like, I started getting scared. — Chris Rock

Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It's impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense — Chris Rock

He kept one eye on Matt as he talked. He could tell Matt was close to orgasm by the way he title his head to the side and bit his lower lip.
"And what about your partner, Mr. Tucker?" Troy asked. Chris raised his eyebrows in surprise and Mr. Waters gave him a greasy, unpleasant smile. "Does your partner cook?"
Chris grinned as Matt came all over the red leather seat. "Actually, he makes a delicious white sauce. — Ally Blue

Whenever you get a bunch of guys that are funny or think they're funny, when you first meet, there's always a lot of bits and it's never, ever, ever funny. So basically you have to get through the awkwardness. — Chris Jericho

It's interesting - I always thought when I was doing more melodramatic stuff like 'Everwood' that the directors were constantly reeling me in and stopping me from being funny. — Chris Pratt

It's funny how aimless a person can feel at times, even when they know God is in control. — Chris Fabry

I think I always was a bit of a class clown, but I don't know how successful I was at that. I always think, when I read about people being class clowns, I imagine them being actually very funny, and I don't know that I was. But I tried to be, I think. — Chris Parnell

'Saturday Night Live' is a very particular beast. What it celebrates are individuals who can stand out. I did good work there, but going onstage and saying, 'Hey! Hey! Look at me! Aren't I funny?' - that just wasn't my instinct. — Chris Parnell

Chris Elliott could read the phonebook and he's funny. — Seth MacFarlane

People in general misunderstand me. I'm very aware of the stereotype that comes with being a basketball player. But I'm well-rounded. I'm cultured. It's funny: When I speak, people are like, "Wow! You can really talk." I'm like, "What did you expect?" — Chris Bosh

If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! "This is a rap killing. Let's go home!" — Chris Rock