Funny Best Man Marriage Quotes & Sayings

Only about 3 percent of animal species are monogamous. A couple of penguins, some otters and a few other oddball critters. To these select few it comes natural to mate for life and never look at another member of the opposite sex. Humans are not part of that little club. Like the other 97% of species, humans are not monogamous by nature. We just pretend that we are. — Oliver Markus

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

By morning, Adelaide was beginning to understand why she'd never completely understood how God worked. Given that He had made the bewildering, maddening, incomprehensible species that was man from His own image, it stood to reason that the Creator would be a complicated mass of logic never meant to be understood by the female mind. That, or the fall of man in the Garden of Eden had taken them even further off the path than she'd ever realized — Kristi Ann Hunter

The only solid and lasting peace between a man and his wife is, doubtless, a separation. — Lord Chesterfield

A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it. — Pawan Mishra

Opposities are married. — Ljupka Cvetanova

But a funny thing happens when you tell a man that you don't want to get married: they don't believe you. They think you're lying to yourself or to them or you're trying to trick them in some way and you end up being made to feel worse for just telling the truth. — Jami Attenberg

Happy is the man with a wife to tell him what to do and a secretary to do it. — Benjamin Mancroft, 3rd Baron Mancroft

(On having being just proposed to)
'Have you been thinking of this for long?' she managed jerkily, praying for the shock to recede so that she could behave a little more normally.
'Let's say it crept up on me,' he suggested lightly.
That didn't sound very romantic. Muggers crept up on you; so did old age. — Lynne Graham

Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich. — Habeeb Akande

Every man should marry - and no woman — Benjamin Disraeli

I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house ... — Daniel Tosh

The man may be the head of the household. But the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head whichever way she pleases. — Nia Vardalos

Who knows what kind of marriage they have? The kinds of marriage people have in this country, Bo, very strange. It's not like back home where a man can do as he sees fit and a woman follows him. Over here it's reversed. Women tell their men what they want and the men do it, because they say happy wife, happy life. This society is funny. — Imbolo Mbue

Wen you're a married man, Samivel, you'll understand a good many things as you don't understand now; but vether it's worth while goin' through so much to learn so little, as the charity-boy sand ven he go to the end of the alphabet, it's a matter of taste. — Charles Dickens

She said yes. If only she didn't talk so much! — Ljupka Cvetanova

There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!' — William Cosmo Monkhouse

I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. — Mickey Rooney

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife. — E.W. Howe

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. — Oscar Wilde