Funny Being Single Quotes & Sayings
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Top Funny Being Single Quotes

The Macau casinos have a wonderful business, it's taking in money from Chinese businessmen elsewhere who send it through junky companies to casinos to gamble. The growth continues and they have basically western managers and western accounting, so we trust the numbers a little bit more. — James Chanos

I would have liked to have had more to do with Kristin Bauer van Straten. She's the nicest human being that I think I've ever met. — Robert Kazinsky

I don't remember a single monster before I met you.' he'd told Amphibian. 'Now they seem to be all over the place.'
'You mean there wasn't anything you were afraid of?' the Amphibian had asked him.
'lots.'
'What did they look like?'
It was a funny question.
'They didn't look like anything. They were ideas,' Tom told him. 'Like not being able to pay rent, or being lonely.'
'That's the most terrifying thing I've ever heard.' the Amphibian replied. — Andrew Kaufman

I was in the black silence of a medieval street, and blindly I followed its sharp turns, comforted by the height of its narrow tenements, which seemed at any moment capable of falling together, closing this alleyway under indifferent stars like a seam. — Anne Rice

We have a game we play when we're waiting for tables in restaurants, where you have to write the five things that describe yourself on a piece of paper. When I was [in my twenties], I would have put: ambitious, Wellesley graduate, daughter, Democrat, single. Ten years later not one of those five things turned up on my list. I was: journalist, feminist, New Yorker, divorced, funny. Today not one of those five things turns up in my list: writer, director, mother, sister, happy. — Nora Ephron

A smile from an attractive woman at a bar very rarely ends up in any sort of sexual encounter. But a man is a fool not to push the suggestion as far as it will go, and he's that man. — Scarlett Johansson

Let me ask you something, in all the years that you have ... undressed in front of a gentleman has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No? It's because he doesn't care! He's in a room with a naked girl, he just won the lottery. I am so tired of saying no, waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before, counting every calorie I consumed so I know just how much self loathing to take into the shower. I'm going for it. I have no interest in being obese, I'm just through with the guilt. So this is what I'm going to do, I'm going to finish this pizza, and then we are going to go watch the soccer game, and tomorrow we are going to go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger jeans. — Elizabeth Gilbert

He was better than any drug, any remedy for her illness. — Maya Banks

Dogs are minor angels, and I don't mean that facetiously. They love unconditionally, forgive immediately, are the truest of friends, willing to do anything that makes us happy, etcetera. If we attributed some of those qualities to a person we would say they are special. If they had ALL of them, we would call them angelic. But because it's "only" a dog, we dismiss them as sweet or funny but little more. However when you think about it, what are the things that we most like in another human being? Many times those qualities are seen in our dogs every single day
we're just so used to them that we pay no attention. — Jonathan Carroll

I tell you that the curse of God Almighty is on the saloon. — Billy Sunday

As a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut. And my own passion was that I wanted to be a film director. I realized that being an astronaut was not going to be an option, so I said, "Well, I'm going to be a director and do films in space." — Alfonso Cuaron

France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for business. — P. J. O'Rourke

They were two happy lovers among the crowd, and they came to suspect that love could be a feeling that was more relaxing and deep than the happiness, wild but momentary, of their secret nights. — Gabriel Garcia Marquez

My father was crying. It was the first time I saw him cry. I had never thought it possible. — Elie Wiesel

I'm OK with being single, but I'm not OK when the time comes where I have to move my furniture around and to change the high ceiling light balls ... — Hiroko Sakai

Funny thing about being a U.S. senator, the only thing the law says you have to be is 30 years old. Not another single requirement. They just figure that a man that old got nobody to blame but himself if he gets caught in there. — Will Rogers

There is scarcely a man who is not conscious of the benefits which his own mind has received from the performance of single acts of benevolence. How strange that so few of us try a course of the same medicine! — John Frederick Boyes

Master Kell," said Alucard, cheerfully. "What an unexpected pleasure, running into you here." His voice had a natural undercurrent of laughter in it, and Kell could never tell if he was being mocked.
"I don't see how it's unexpected," said Kell, "as I live here. What is unexpected is running into you, since I thought I made myself quite clear the last time we met."
"Quite," echoed Alucard.
"Then what were you doing in my brother 's chambers?"
Alucard raised a single studded brow. "Do you want a detailed account? Or will a summary suffice? — V.E Schwab

One splendid summer afternoon Kaspar realized he had never been happier in his life or both of his lives, past and present. Not fireworks-orgasms-and-champagne happy, but on waking in the morning he was glad almost every single day to be exactly where he was. He had never before experienced the feeling of genuine, constant well-being and it was a true revelation. The longer the satisfaction continued, the less he thought about his previous life as a mechanic and the extraordinary things he'd once seen and been able to do. Misery may love company but happiness is content to be alone. The funny irony of his existence now was, as long as he was this happy and content with his lot, Kaspar didn't need to make much of an effort to "walk away" from his mechanic's life because now he was sated with this one both in mind and heart. — Jonathan Carroll

What do you want of God, Roman?" It was an imperious question from so small a boy, and was said with a curious blend of humility and demand. "I'll know when I face him." "Perhaps the answers you seek can't be found in something you can see and touch." Amused, Marcus smiled. "You have big thoughts for a small boy." The boy grinned. "A shepherd has time to think." "Then, my little philosopher, what would you advise?" The boy's smile faded. "When you face God, remember he is God." "I'll remember what he's done," Marcus said coldly. "That, too," the boy said almost gently. — Francine Rivers

I regret that [my grandfather] never saw the book. i had finished the third draft of what turned out to be five, but I had decided to wait until the novel was perfect before I gave it to him to read. What a fool I am. If you will forgive the one piece of advice a writer is qualified to give: never be afraid of showing someone you love a working draft of yourself. — Chris Cleave

I'm so single. It's funny. I'm usually a relationship girl. I love being in love and having a partner in crime. But it's good to be your own partner in crime. God, that makes me sound like I have multiple-personality disorder. — Brittany Snow