Funny April Fools Birthday Quotes & Sayings

Print neatly. That's the kind of advice that the IRS considers a "dynamite" tax tip. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless. — Dave Barry

The width of neck and shoulder suggested a rugby player, the broken nose confirmed it. Which shows just how wrong you can be as he never played the game in his life. — Spike Milligan

If I'm able to catch the screening, there's a point in the film where, like clockwork, a portion of the audience gets really emotional and begins to cry. And that's very difficult to make happen. — Michael Pitt

Drinking just to get drunk is like having sex just to get pregnant.
— Robert Hess

What are you typing?" Livia did not share Kyle's obsession with electronic contraptions. "Currently, I'm texting Debbi, Michelle, Karen, and Sam. This incident boosts my street cred." Kyle's text was in all caps. "Oh, pardon me. I didn't realize you were straight-up gangsta," Livia mocked. "Whatever. I had some bastard's finger in my mouth tonight. I'm milking this story for all it's worth." Kyle hit send. — Debra Anastasia

Who would have thought that sharing a cup of coffee in the morning would be one of the highlights of his day? — Kendra Elliot

It's not enough to picture their outward appearance. Give them a background and sphere of influence. — Jordan Dane

Mark Twain said "all ideas are second-hand, consciously and unconsciously drawn from a million outside sources. — Sean Patrick

Pride ill becomes a beggar, ser. — George R R Martin

I don't even drink Coke. It tastes like robot sweat. — David Rees

If it was up to the studio, everything would be shot with a camcorder. — James Cameron

Face it," Gary told her kindly. "You'll never catch up. You just do as much as you can and take the punishments without saying anything. Sometimes I wonder if that isn't what they're really trying to teach us
to take plenty and keep our mouths shut. — Tamora Pierce

I really fucked up with you. I said some hurtful words To you, but you didn't deserve that. What the hell was I thinking? From the look on your face I knew it was over. My words were very hurtful Although they were true. But still, I had no right to go there. I regret what I said, but I question, Was I really wrong? — Stephanie Lahart

You should pursue your passion. If you're passionate about something and you work hard, then I think you will be successful. — Pierre Omidyar

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FUMES

Clean clothes and expensive accessories will not cover a blackened core. The smoldering sends out smoke through the crevices. You brush the fumes away, but they keep coming.

As his criminal actions have built walls around a prisoner, so your forgetfulness and refusal to let light in keep your soul from traveling. — Bahauddin