Funny Apocalypse Quotes & Sayings

Dee loves it here. Before you came, she spent most of her days here."
To Daemon, my arrival was the beginning of the end. The apocalypse. Kat-mageddon. "You know, I'm not going to get your sister in trouble."
"We'll see. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

You said not to do anything that might accidentally contribute to the apocalypse," Magnus said. "I know you were joking. But it's less funny when I can't rid myself of the feeling that the apocalypse is coming, somehow. Valentine Morgenstern nearly wiped out the Shadowhunters, and his son is twice as clever and six times as evil. And he will not come alone. He has help, from demons greater than my father, from others - — Cassandra Clare

You like the girl," Alasdair offered.
Nassar leveled a heavy gaze at him.
"Lillian said you tried to be funny in the car. I told her it couldn't possibly be true. The moment you try to make a joke, the sky shall split and the Four Horsemen will ride out, heralding Apocalypse. — Ilona Andrews

What else would they be?"
"No idea." Arik shrugged ... "Aliens, mabye?"
"Aliens." Thanatos's voice was flat, disbelieving.
"Your scepticism is funny, coming from one of the Four fucking Horsemen of the Apocalypse. — Larissa Ione

This guy is funny. But is he safe? And how much is that worth when the world itself has ceased to exist? — Isabella Olivia Ellis

When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is.

* If it replies "Brains," blow its fucking head off.
* If it replies "Brian," ask it again, as you may have encountered a zombie with a speech impediment, or a zombie that was mildly retarded in life.
* Keep in mind that it is entirely possible that you did encounter a human named "Brian. — Shamus McCarty

IN MY DEFENSE, I didn't mean to start the Apocalypse. It wasn't just my personal aversion to oblivion; I had a clear financial motive: The end of the world is bad for business. — J.C. Nelson

I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school's last bastion of patriarchal society. — G.G. Silverman

This rain is crazy, huh?"

"Yeah. Hope your ark-building skills are decent, or we could be in trouble."

"We don't need an ark. I have some inflatable pool lounges. They have cup holders."

"Fancy."

"No expense spared to save my woman from the watery apocalypse."

"Nothing says 'I love you' more than quality recreational inflatables."

He makes a noise. "Now I have visions of that inflatable sheep Avery bought for his pool."

"We said we'd never discuss that. — Leisa Rayven

That's what gets converts these days," Baron said. "It's a buyers' market in apocalypse. What's hot in heresy's Armageddon. — China Mieville

Ali was a lucky, lucky girl having those two big hot men at her disposal. Not that Roslyn wasn't content with her one surly man, but still ... two. Some people were enjoying their apocalypse a little too much. — Kylie Scott

Maruman does not loll. — Isobelle Carmody

Why is it beautiful that humanity keeps coming back? So does herpes. — Isaac Marion

... sentiments which Feliks had already come to recognise as being characteristic of The Times, which would have described the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as strong rulers who could do nothing but good for the stability of the international situation. — Ken Follett

It's funny: when I set out to create the world of 'California,' I didn't give the type of apocalypse much thought ... I simply set my two characters, Cal and Frida, in a depleted world and moved through it intuitively. — Edan Lepucki

No," I agreed. "The zombie apocalypse is still a few years off, right?"
"That's up to you to decide. Tell you what, we'll do it for fun someday when you're really bored. — Cait Reynolds

I think you're crazy good at this survival stuff, Cary."
His shoulders sag. He gives me a small, relieved smile and we start walking again, his step a little lighter than it was before. It feels strange to have that kind of power over someone.
"I mean, you're crazy good at it for a stoner who couldn't seem to get his shit together academically at all," I add. — Courtney Summers

A cemetery?" I chuckle, but the pitch is a bit higher than I expected. "At night? With a full moon? Um ... did you see any, uh, zombies, you, while you were there?"
Shiko blinks at me a few times. "No"
I slump in relief. "Thank God. I mean, I don't want to be the first to die. The funny guy always dies first, for shock value, you know. Rourke would get killed next, because it's be a heroic sacrifice or something." I motion to Shiko. "You'd live, though, unless you had sex."
... Shiko has the look of an addled kitten, complete with head tilt. Rourke sighs and leans toward her, embarrassed.
'You'll have to excuse him. According to his mother he has an irrational fear of something called the zombie apocalypse."
"It's not irrational! — Vaughn R. Demont

Liam... You're the best. You're handsome, funny, patient with my fits, a fantastic cook. You taught me how to swim." Ryan bit his lip, eyes focused on the shadowed face in front of him. "Like, if there was a zombie apocalypse, you'd save me and feed me." He smiled. "I wouldn't need some loser with a guitar that wouldn't even work without electricity. I'd need a real man. The kind that runs into a burning building to save me. — K.A. Merikan

Edward shot a glare at Davis that held the promise of dismemberment, mayhem, and the apocalypse. — Elizabeth Hoyt