Funny Advent Calendar Quotes & Sayings

The walls of the arch are covered with blood-red jellies that wink and glisten at me by the light of the moon. My father told me they were completely harmless. I don't believe him. Nothing is completely harmless. — Maggie Stiefvater

Any survey of the free world's defense structure cannot fail to impart a feeling of regret that so much of our effort and resources must be devoted to armaments. — Dwight D. Eisenhower

This year there will be an eclipse of the Moon on the fourth day of August.9 Saturn will be retrograde; Venus, direct; Mercury, variable. And a mass of other planets will not proceed as they used to.10 As a result, crabs this year will walk sideways, rope-makers work backwards, stools end up on benches, and pillows be found at the foot of the bed;11 many men's bollocks will hang down for lack of a game-bag;12 the belly will go in front and the bum be the first to sit down; nobody will find the bean in their Twelfth Night cake; not one ace will turn up in a flush; the dice will never do what you want, however much you may flatter them;13 and the beasts will talk in sundry places. — Francois Rabelais

Failure fear people who pursue success, cause their bravery to become successful is far more than failure to understand. — Festus Adeoye

It is because the spirit is inestimable, that the lifeless body is so little valued. — Nathaniel Hawthorne

In order to grow emotionally and mentally, sometimes you have to grow physically as well. I'm just trying to grow, man, and always I just want to be the best and most confident me I can be. — Jill Scott

Confidence? Are you kidding me? I mean, please. Look, some players grow up and play like that. I remember losing junior matches. Just being down 5-2 in the third, and they all just start slapping shots. — Roger Federer

Women get boob jobs to give themselves a certain edge. Frankly, I don't see why they nearly kill themselves trying to diet off their equally bulbous hips. — Kim Brittingham

Science does nothing for man spiritually, and organized religion demands blind faith in illogical liturgy that was never meant to be taken literally! — Fred Van Lente

It is human to sin, but diabolic to persist in sin. — St. Catherine Of Siena

Every step closer to my soul excites the scornful laughter of my devils, those cowardly ear-whisperers and poison-mixers. — C. G. Jung

The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on earth. — Linji Yixuan

I've colored my hair so many times, and nobody tells you the damage it's going to do! I went blonde and lost all my baby hairs. I'm not coloring it anymore. Never again. — Michelle Phan