Funniest Cop Quotes & Sayings

Only black people in the whole neighborhood, so let's break it down: Me, I'm a decent comedian, I'm a'ight. Mary J. Blige, one of the greatest R&B singers to ever walk the Earth. Jay-Z, one of the greatest rappers to ever live. Eddie Murphy, one of the funniest actors to ever, ever do it. Do you know what the white man that lives next door to me does for a living? He's a f*****g dentist. — Chris Rock

'I'll sit on him,' Otis says and laughs like it's the funniest thing in the world. He twirls a small ball of fire in one hand and a Desert Eagle .50 Caliber in the other. If Seven didn't know him, he'd probably be running away as fast as he could. It's a big gun. — T.J. Klune

The older ones recently saw Mr and Mrs Smith and I think they thought that was the funniest thing they'd ever seen because, of course, watching your parents fight as spies is some strange sort of childhood fantasy. — Angelina Jolie

I have a fantastic husband. Here's the honeymoon part: I still think he's the funniest, wittiest, most clever man I've ever known. — Sarah Jessica Parker

This impeccably researched study of the classic black insult game may be the funniest work of serious scholarship ever published. — Terry Teachout

Johnston's books are beautifully written and among the funniest I have ever read. — Annie Dillard

My mom's brother was gay, and he actually passed away from AIDS when I was 13. He was quite a character, but he also worked at the electrical plant, so he was this complicated guy with a big laugh who would wear a trucker hat and do impressions. He was gay, but to me, Uncle Alan was just the funniest person in the world. — Casey Wilson

Having this lovely person in my life. My daughter is the funniest person I know and I couldn't imagine my life without her. I think it also starts an amazing journey in a woman. You don't obsess about yourself in the way you used to, as the bulk of your time isn't spent on you. — Donna Air

I say this with no fear of contradiction. Jonas Barnes is absolutely, positively the funniest stand-up comic I have ever seen. Of course, I almost never leave my home. Jonas is a great guy and was a big help to me. — Danny Bonaduce

Women are very funny. Some of the funniest people I can think of are women. — Rachel Bloom

The kindest compliments I have ever heard are when cops tell me Training Day and Assault on Precinct 13 inspired them to become cops. The funniest compliments I have ever heard are when people tell me that 'I love your band Sugar Ray. — Ethan Hawke

Everything I am, everything I've been allowed to do, career-wise, has come out of the opportunity I had with 'Cheers'. I think it's one of the funniest shows ever. They are some of my best friends. — Ted Danson

Will Arnett is one of the funniest guys I know. He has seen it all and done it all and come out the other end pretty savvy and pretty strong. — Jason Bateman

Josh Funk and Hunter Fraser: we haven't been in touch in years, but you made me feel like the funniest kid in the world. I would stay up late on school nights to write things to try to make you laugh the next day in class, and you inspired the one piece of advice on writing that I've ever felt qualified to give: write for the kid sitting next to you. — B.J. Novak

I'd love to do a movie with females in it, and not necessarily the female version of 'The Hangover,' but I'd love to. If I did it it'd star Juliette Lewis, because she's the funniest woman in the world. She's my favorite actress on the planet. If we did a character-based comedy about women, I don't see it out of my range. — Todd Phillips

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world. — George Bernard Shaw

Joel Waldfogel is one of the smartest and funniest economists on the planet. I think of him every time I start to unwrap a present. Buy Scroogenomics for your friends and family. It makes the perfect Christmas gift. — Ian Ayres

At Murry Bergtraum [High School] if you were really funny you sat at this table at with all of the funniest dudes, the toughest, the coolest - everybody sat at that table. It was like the ghetto Algonquin Round Table. [Comedy] was my entry, my membership card. — John Leguizamo

The funniest thing is that all the things every director goes through, I thought I could shortcut, but there was no getting around those issues. — George Clooney

Now I have a shot at being the Planet's Funniest Kid Comic. "The planet Earth?" asks Phineas of - you guessed it - Phineas and Ferb. "Or Mars? We built a portal to Mars for the science fair once. — James Patterson

My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by reading out of a telephone directory ... He's a spastic. — Frankie Boyle

You might be the funniest guy in the world, but if you don't have anything to talk about, people are eventually going to gravitate towards the guy that's actually saying something. — Kevin Hart

It makes it really hard to just go to a dinner party because, in my work life, I'm surrounded by the funniest people, ever. I'm really spoiled. I laugh a lot, in my day. — Jenna Fischer

Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all. — Muhammad Ali

I thought she was the funniest woman, and I believed being a comedian was the most exciting thing you could be. — Maya Rudolph

We deal with all the production headaches and all that stuff. They just have to come here and be super funny. And it's worked out well. I mean, literally, every day they're all saying things I'd never thought I'd hear before and just some of the funniest discussions I've ever heard. — Jeff Schaffer

The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it. — W.C. Fields

George Hamilton is one of the funniest men I have ever known. — Britt Ekland

The funniest thing about some people is that they have no sense of humor. — Ashleigh Brilliant

My father was the funniest guy I ever met. I'm not sure if I stole his stuff or if I inherited it. — Chevy Chase