Quotes & Sayings About Fruitcake

Fruitcake is like semen, there's a lot of it about but no one wants to swallow it — Oscar Wilde

The thing with children is they're a bit like baking a fruitcake: you throw all the ingredients in but you never know how they're going to turn out. — Len Goodman

The best thing about flying first class ... was that you could be as nutty as a fruitcake and were still treated like the Queen of Sheba. — Sarah-Kate Lynch

I didn't believe in systems. Everything human was imperfect and ultimately absurd. What did I believe in then? In humor. In laughing at systems, at people, at one's self. In laughing even at one's need to laugh all the time. In seeing life as contradictory, many-sided, various, funny, tragic, and with moments of outrageous beauty. In seeing life as a fruitcake, including delicious plums and bad peanuts, but meant to be devoured hungrily all the same because you couldn't feast on the plums without also sometimes being poisoned by the peanuts. — Erica Jong

Declare this smite time, extracting precious gems and wholly hours you share to fruitcake a friend so dear. — Bradley Chicho

Bite me, faerie fruitcake. — Jim Butcher

Friends are the fruitcake of life - some nutty, some soaked in alcohol, some sweet. — Jon Ronson

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. — Johnny Carson

Sooo, I'm tired of people thinking I'm a freak. I know you can't relate to that but -"
"Get over it already, will ya?" Candace stood. "You're not Smellody anymore. You're pretty. You can get hot guys now. Tanned ones with good vision. Not geeky hose jousters." She shut the window. "Don't you ever want to use your lips as something other than veneer protectors?"
Melody felt a familiar pinch behind her eyes. Her throat dried. Her eyes burned. And then they came. Like salty little paratroopers, tears descended en masse. She hated Candace thought she had never made out with a boy. But how could she convince a seventeen-year-old with more dates than a fruitcake that Randy the Starbucks cashier (aka Scarbucks, because of his acne scars) was a great kisser? She couldn't. — Lisi Harrison

I mean UKIP, I mean it's just a sort of, you know, bunch of fruitcakes and loonies and closet racists, basically. — David Cameron

If you make Josh's dumb white- chocolate cranberry cookies and not my fruitcake ones, it's over. — Jenny Han

The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses. — Dave Barry

Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like. — Phyllis Diller

Franchot Tone is nuttier than a fruitcake, so don't let the genteel frosting fool you. — Burgess Meredith

A sharp bolt of hunger hit Luther hard. His knees almost buckled, his poker face almost grimaced. For two weeks now his sense of smell had been much keener, no doubt a side effect of a strict diet. Maybe he got a whiff of Mabel's finest, he wasn't sure, but a craving came over him. Suddenly, he had to have something to eat. Suddenly, he wanted to snatch the bag from Kendall, rip open a package, and start gnawing on a fruitcake. — John Grisham

I like my fruitcake like I like my men. I like them to have tasty nuts, usually cum in a box, and last forever. — Mamrie Hart

I would eat fruitcake if there'd been a nuclear war and I'd run out of canned goods. — Deb Caletti

So you really could die. Your godmother is right, you know. You are mad as a hatter. Nutty as a fruitcake." "Crazy like a fox," I said. — Jim Butcher

There's a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us. — Jimmy Buffett

I am not a morose person, but I would rather not be here. I don't have any reverence for life, only for the entities themselves. I would rather see a blank space where I am. This will sound like fruitcake stuff again but at least I wouldn't be harming anything. — Ingrid Newkirk

As her skin sizzled under the delicious heat, she supposed she should've been giving serious thought to the lunacy of what she was doing playing with a vampire, who was, for all his charm, as lethal as a stiletto across the throat. But then again, most of her friends already thought she was half a nut short of a fruitcake. Why disappoint? — Nalini Singh

You little fruitcake, you little fruitcake, I said you are a fruitcake. — Pete Stark

Call my cynical...but I've come to believe that most people who follow a total wack job aren't always true believers. They just like to follow. They like the perks. Makes them feel strong. Kind of weakens your faith in fruitcake fanatics. — Jonathan Maberry

Most people don't ever want to use a gun to protect themselves - that's the last thing they want to do - but if you know how and you have a situation with some fruitcake running around, like they've got right now, it sure can save you a lot of grief. — Murphy J. Foster Jr.

Wonderful. Gives a whole new meaning to flour power. You'll undoubtedly change the world, one fruitcake at a time. — Kimberly Frost

Am I a fruitcake? I don't know. Perception is reality, so if I sit here and say, "I'm not a fruitcake, I'm a lemon cake," it doesn't matter. What you see me as in your world is what I am; it doesn't matter what I am - do you know what I mean? To me, I know what my real problems are - and they're certainly not about cake. And that's just the way it is. — Macy Gray

Reality is like a fruitcake; pretty enough to look at but with all sorts of nasty things lurking just beneath the surface. — A. Lee Martinez

Oh please tell me we're not doing the Poirot thing again - the suspects in the library with the candlestick or whatever'.
Max looked at him [DCI Cotton]. 'Fruitcake in this case. And what would you prefer? A car chase? It's the most efficient way to flush out a killer, as Dame Agatha Christie well knew. — G.M. Malliet

Once upon a time there was a girl who discovered that if she played a certain tune on a jade flute, she could summon up jade gnomes, a peculiar, harmless, but rather creepy looking spirit of the underground. The fact is that many of us have talents like this, but generally never discover them due to lack of opportunity, since one can go one's entire life without playing a jade flute, or discovering that one can speak the language of ground sloths, or turning fruitcake into solid tungsten by singing Sinatra tunes to it under a quarter moon. — Ursula Vernon

My favorite part was when my grandfather and I would make a special trip to Firpo's Bakery for red and green Christmas cookies and fruitcake studded with the sweetest cherries I've ever tasted. Usually Firpo's was too expensive for our slim budget, but Christmas mornings they gave a discount to any children who came in. — Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

it's fruitcake weather! — Truman Capote

Imagine a morning in late November. A coming of winter morning more than twenty years ago. Consider the kitchen of a spreading old house in a country town. A great black stove is its main feature; but there is also a big round table and a fireplace with two rocking chairs placed in front of it. Just today the fireplace commenced its seasonal roar. A woman with shorn white hair is standing at the kitchen window. She is wearing tennis shoes and a shapeless gray sweater over a summery calico dress. She is small and sprightly, like a bantam hen; but, due to a long youthful illness, her shoulders are pitifully hunched. Her face is remarkable - not unlike Lincoln's, craggy like that, and tinted by sun and wind; but it is delicate, too, finely boned, and her eyes are sherry-colored and timid. "Oh my," she exclaims, her breath smoking the windowpane, "it's fruitcake weather! — Truman Capote

A woman without a past is like a fruitcake without brandy - insipid! — Nancy Atherton

You're going to set us all on fire, you homicidal feral fruitcake. — Melina Marchetta

It is amazing how the world can change, he thought, during the life span of a fruitcake. — Robert M. Edsel

Oh, these people's minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they're not like you and me, said Uncle Vernon, trying to knock in a nail with the piece of fruitcake Aunt Petunia had just brought him. — J.K. Rowling

So you, too, like fruitcake? (RW on meeting Lenin in Zurich during World War I.) — Robert Walser

I must speak the truth, and nothing but the truth. — Miguel De Cervantes

Oh, really?" Max wasn't about to be dissuaded. "Are you going to tell the mother of the woman you're dating, the mother of the woman you love, that you're not going to taste the pie she spent an entire day slaving over? That should go over well." Jack shifted his eyes to Ivy, conflicted. "Is she going to make me eat the pecan pie?" "It could be worse. She used to make fruitcake around Christmas." "Ugh." Max involuntarily shuddered. "That was the worst. It was like eating a jelly brick and then being forced to stare at the television for four hours while it just sat there trying to kill you from the inside. — Lily Harper Hart

When the Infinite Improbability Drive arrived and whole planets started unexpectedly turning into banana fruitcake, the great history faculty of the University of MaxiMegalon finally gave up, closed itself down and surrendered its buildings to the rapidly growing joint faculty of Divinity and Water Polo, which had been after them for years. Which — Douglas Adams

The ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in. — Erma Bombeck

You are nuttier than a fruitcake, that's what you are! — L.T. Suzuki

Bring on the fruitcakes, we want a fruitcake for an unlovable seat. — Matthew Parris

Political advice is a bit like your average Christmas fruitcake: something everyone gives and no one wants. — Bob Dole