Quotes & Sayings About Farting

Let's shake hands and be friends, but please, I beg you, stop farting like that, becuase I'm beinning to hallucinate and in my dreams I see Comrade Josepg Stalin doing the charleston. — Carlos Ruiz Zafon

Life isn't about gold dust farting unicorns, sugar coated mountains, and fairies. It's about fun. Romance and romance novels are for pussies and dreamers. — Scott Hildreth

Reading the script [Insane Farting Corpse], by page two or three, I felt that way. I thought, I'm in. It was so beautiful and insane and funny and I wanted to see it happen. — Paul Dano

I still see people buying and swilling terrible beer. I sometimes think that my job is like farting against a gale, but I just keep moving forward. — Michael Jackson

Farting, don't think, just fart. — John Cage

If you are trying to impress a woman, leave any sort of show farting out of the equation. — Demetri Martin

In his autobiography Stravinsky relates that the first music he remembers was made by a peasant, working his hand in his armpit to produce a rhytmic farting. — Craig Raine

Acting has been described as farting about in disguise. — Peter O'Toole

Suddenly, the gods have stopped saying yes and have started making really obnoxious farting noises. In my face. With their armpits. — Jody Gehrman

Of course I think it's a movie for everybody [Insane Farting Corpse], but that's probably just because it's a movie for me. — Paul Dano

There are all kinds of pedants around with more time to read and imitate Lynne Truss and John Humphrys than to write poems, love-letters, novels and stories it seems. They whip out their Sharpies and take away and add apostrophes from public signs, shake their heads at prepositions which end sentences and mutter at split infinitives and misspellings, but do they bubble and froth and slobber and cream with joy at language? Do they ever let the tripping of the tips of their tongues against the tops of their teeth transport them to giddy euphoric bliss? Do they ever yoke impossible words together for the sound-sex of it? Do they use language to seduce, charm, excite, please, affirm and tickle those they talk to? Do they? I doubt it. They're too farting busy sneering at a greengrocer's less than perfect use of the apostrophe. Well sod them to Hades. They think they're guardians of language. They're no more guardians of language than the Kennel Club is the guardian of dogkind. — Stephen Fry

Christmas," said Robin, with a faint grin but without apology. "I was going to put it up yesterday, but after Leonora was charged I didn't feel very festive. Anyway, I've got you an appointment to see her at six. You'll need to take photo ID - " "Good work, thanks." " - and I got you sandwiches and I thought you might like to see this," she said. "Michael Fancourt's given an interview about Quine." She passed him a pack of cheese and pickle sandwiches and a copy of The Times, folded to the correct page. Strike lowered himself onto the farting leather sofa and ate while reading the article, which was adorned with a split photograph. On the left-hand side was a picture of Fancourt standing in front of an Elizabethan country house. Photographed from below, his head — Robert Galbraith

Manchee gets up from where he's curled and follows me. When I sit down, he recurls by my legs and falls asleep, farting happily and giving a doggy sigh. Simple to be a dog. I — Patrick Ness

Life would be perfect if monster would stop farting. — David Chuka

Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. — Graham Norton

I find it gross to talk about bodily functions like shitting or farting or your period, if you're a girl, unless it's extremely necessary. — Riley Keough

I don't think of those things [from farting, to male on male affection, to crossdressing] as being taboo, I suppose, so it didn't strike me as, "Oh, I'm breaking boundaries and stuff ... " — Daniel Radcliffe

I squeak when he lifts me up and over his shoulder. Smacking my ass so hard it tingles, he says, "I told you, girl. I am lucky."
He throws me down onto the bed and I giggle.
Freeze. Hold the hell up.
I gasp and Ash chuckles. I whisper, "Did I- I think that was- I can't believe I just-"
"I think you just giggled," he smirks, thoroughly amused.
Shaking my head, I lie, "No, it wasn't. I don't giggle. It was gas."
Ash throws his head back and laughs hard. I can't help but laugh with him. He runs a hand through his hair. "Only you would think that giggling is worse than farting." Shaking his head, he mutters, "Too damn cute. — Belle Aurora

It had the word bitches in it, which is perfectly fine to use if you're a rapper or a director making a movie about career women, but not if you're a teen girl talking about her homies."
"Good point, Petra. We know that young ladies of the teen persuasion do not use these indelicate words. Nor do they have thoughts about sex, masturbation, violence, being competitive, or farting. — Libba Bray

The boundaries of my world had shrunk, but I was still alive, and as long as I could go on breathing and farting and thinking my thoughts, what difference did it make where I was? — Paul Auster

Teeth. What god-damned things they were. We had to eat. And eat and eat again. We were all disgusting, doomed to our dirty little tasks. Eating and farting and scratching and smiling and celebrating holidays. — Charles Bukowski

He tolerated his fellow Englishmen, but the Welsh were cabbage-farting dwarves, the Scots were scabby arse-suckers, and the French were shriveled turds. — Bernard Cornwell

But," she said to the priest, "I'm not dead yet. I've heard the angels farting on the ceiling. — Jean Genet

Learn to recognize the counterfeit coins that may buy you just a moment of pleasure,
But then drag you for days like a broken man behind a farting camel. — Hafez

Hitler suffered acutely from meteorism; perhaps he did not suffer so acutely as those around him, since meteorism is uncontrolled farting, a condition exacerbated by Hitler's strictly vegetarian diet. — A. N. Wilson

He said it with this really serious look on his face, like he was in the process of farting out some really important wisdom. — Lauren Oliver

I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted.
She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said.
I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that. — Janet Evanovich

Human beings in there took turns standing or lying down. The legs of those who stood were like fence posts driven into a warm, squirming, farting, sighing earth. The queer earth was a mosaic of sleepers who nestled like spoons. — Kurt Vonnegut

While the churches, bringing the sweet smell of piety for the soul, came in prancing and farting like brewery horses in bock-beer time, the sister evangelism, with release and joy for the body, crept in.
silently and greyly, with its head bowed and its face covered. — John Steinbeck

We were supposed to be brainstorming. But, unfortunately, my brain was farting. — Rachel Renee Russell

I would like to believe in the myth that we grow wiser with age. In a sense my disbelief is wisdom. Those of a middle generation, if charitable or sentimental, subscribe to the wisdom myth, while the callous see us as dispensable objects, like broken furniture or dead flowers. For the young we scarcely exist unless we are unavoidable members of the same family, farting, slobbering, perpetually mislaying teeth and bifocals. — Patrick White

I tapped on the door, with all the power of a farting flea. — Gavin Extence

Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in the most cultured society it has long been banished from the social board. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. Among the best bred, these two arts are now indulged in only private
though by consent of the whole company, when only males are present, it is still permissible, in good society, to remove the embargo on the fundamental sigh. — Mark Twain

Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is.
Come let us fart in the home.
There is no art in a fart.
Still a fart may not be artless.
Let us fart and artless fart in the home. — Ernest Hemingway,

They had just digested a recent meal of prepositions and were happily farting out apostrophes and ampersands; the air was heav'y with th'em&. — Jasper Fforde

... "shagging" - a quasi-comical activity, like belching or farting, except it was more taboo and more necessary than these. — Amit Chaudhuri

I feel like a drummer with no sticks and somebody keeps farting on my snare drum. — Anthony Langston

I had to admit it was adorable. You know, in a unicorns-farting-out-rainbows kind of way that made me want to hurl. — Gemma Halliday

Like it says in the Bible, being a friend means never having to witness farting belly buttons. Or something. — Jenny Lawson

I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. — James Joyce

People change for each other all the time. Take any love story, any great love story at all, and you'll see that people have to be willing to change if they're going to make things work out. Like Shrek, when Fiona tells Shrek that she's sick of his burping and farting and everything. And Shrek's like, 'I'm an ogre. Deal with it.' And Fiona says, 'What if I can't?' So Shrek takes that potion that turns him into a hunky prince. He does it out of love for Fiona. — Lauren Myracle

Anyway, it was Oscar who called me to remind me that our nephew, Lydia's son Garnett, was turning eleven years old. Fuck my life. I hated that kid. He smelled like asparagus, and he sweated way too much for a healthy child; but then Garnett, given his propensity for biting teachers and catching chipmunks in the backyard only to bury them alive, was no normal kid. He was a case study for sociopathic behavior in the making. A walking, talking, farting, sweaty, odorous, chipmunk-burying cry for help. — Richard J. O'Brien

She had her nose so high in the air she could smell the birds farting. — Ayana Mathis

We need to bring out the rabble-rousing nature of people. We are gonna need un-repression. We need hundreds of people farting up a storm. We need a big-time, old-fashioned, furious, fart storm. — Allan Dare Pearce

I fart, you fart, he farts, she farts.
Let's not deny it, people. Farting is a regular, healthy, and hilarious part of life. Squeezing out big plumes of noxious gas doesn't always smell good, but it generally feels might fine. — Neil Pasricha

See, forgiveness doesn't happen all at once. It's not an event
it's a process. Forgiveness happens while you're asleep, while you're dreaming, while you're inline at the coffee shop, while you're showering, eating, farting, jerking off. It happens in the back of your mind, and then one day you realize that you don't hate the person anymore, that your anger has gone away somewhere. And you understand. You've forgiven them. You don't know how or why. It sneaked up on you. It happened in the small spaces between thoughts and in the seconds between ideas and blinks. That's where forgiveness happens. Because anger and hatred, when left unfed, bleed away like air from a punctured tire, over time and days and years. Forgiveness is stealth. At least, that's what I hope. — Barry Lyga

And don't put a bunch of bullshit in my mouth, or get cute and try to make me look stupid. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the salon to have my pubic hair straightened and dyed white so that my dick looks like Santa Claus." He closed the door, farting loudly all the way to his car. I went — David Wong

As soon as you open the door wide enough to admit pink nerve-gas-farting dragons, you have let in all of those other possibilities as well. — Neal Stephenson

MySpace is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don't care enough about to actually have a conversation with, why bother calling to say "how are you," when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat. — David Spade

Choosing to have a child you can't take care of is like farting in an elevator. Sure you got it out, but not it's everyone else's problem. — Richard Jeni

At the bottom in the gut of jazz if you listen closely you can hear - no matter how complexly, obliquely, mysteriously stylized - somebody talking, crying, growling, singing, farting, praying, stomping, voicing in all those modes through which our bodies communicate some tale about how it feels to be here on earth or leaving, or about the sweet pain of hanging on between the coming and going. — Zora Neale Hurston

Until woman as she is can drive this plastic spectre out of her own and her man's imagination she will continue to apologize and disguise herself, while accepting her male's pot-belly, wattles, bad breath, farting, stubble, baldness and other ugliness without complaint. — Germaine Greer

Every night was a somber, adults-only slumber party - no giggles or whispers, just lots of coughing and farting and snoring and groaning, the sounds and smells of too many stressed-out of people packed into too small a place. — Tom Perrotta

Dealing with another human being on an intimate level is an exercise that is inherently fraught with difficulties. All human beings have good and bad traits/habits--no one is perfect. Even the most wonderful, "perfect for you" guy is going to do things that annoy you to no end, like leaving the toilet seat up, farting in bed, or conveniently forgetting how to put a new roll of toilet paper on the holder after using the last of it. That's life, people. — Zofie Kae

Just 'cause she's farting through silk doesn't mean she can shit on people who don't have any money. — Katherine Pancol

Fame - fame was the anti-death. But it seemed to slither from his grasp, seemed to giggle and retreat, seemed to hide behind a huge oak tree and make farting sounds with its hands. — Keith Gessen

Oi, doll, ignore him,' said Sia, using a notebook to fan her face. 'Sweet lord, I'm like a human hot-water bottle wrapped in doona in front of a heater at the moment. And did I tell you about the constant farting? — Gabrielle Tozer

You're walking around as though everyone is farting roses and pissing champagne. What's up? — Samantha Young

I take my rucksack and go out the opening where the front door used to be. Manchee gets up from where he's curled and follows me. When I sit down, he recurls by my legs and fall asleep, farting happily and giving a doggy sigh. Simple to be a dog. — Patrick Ness

Nothing is more conspicuous than a farting princess. — Jack Vance

(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.) — Tina Fey

This Nicholas anon leet fle a fart
As greet as it had been a thonder-dent,
That with the strook he was almoost yblent;
And he was redy with his iren hoot,
And Nicholas amydde the ers he smoot.
Of gooth the skyn an hande-brede aboute,
The hoote kultour brende so his toute,
And for the smert he wende for to dye. — Geoffrey Chaucer

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. — Jenny Eclair

John's old Caddie had a huge engine that would qualify as a human rights violation if built today. It roared down the road, chugging gas and farting a blue cloud of dinosaur souls. — David Wong

A whizzpopper!" cried the BFG, beaming at her. "Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans? — Roald Dahl

You dog!" she said, so loud that half the crowded tavern turned to watch. "A few days past the walls of the inner keep and you think your pizzle has turned to solid silver? At least when Nevin Hewney falls asleep on top of a girl, drooling and farting and limp as custard, he doesn't pretend he's done her a favor. — Tad Williams

There is a tremendous amount of farting in prison. — Charlie Engle

Skinners guts were in turmoil from the beer and curry at the weekend and a viscous, silent eye-stinging killer of a fart slipped out of him, as poignantly weeping as a lover's last farewell, just as the lift stopped at the next floor to let in two men wearing overalls. Everybody suffered in silence. As the workmen got off at the following level, Skinner seized the opportunity, announcing, - That is minging, looking towards the departing workers. He knew that when it came to farting everybody turned into Old Etonian High Court Judges. Men would always be suspected before women and men in working clothes would always be blamed before men in suits. Those were the rules.

From "The Bedroom Secrets Of The Master Chefs — Irvine Welsh

I suppose the difference between baby people and me is that I do not consider smiling while farting 'holding up your end of a conversation. — Lizz Winstead

My trumpeting sounds like a goose farting in the fog. — Alex O'Loughlin

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death. — Michael Bassey Johnson

I'm too old to be farting around with stuff that isn't precisely what I want to do. — Wes Borland

Here was the plot: A flying saucer creature named Zog arrived on Earth to explain how wars could be prevented and how cancer could be cured. He brought the information from Margo, a planet where the natives conversed by means of farts and tap dancing. Zog landed at night in Connecticut. He had no sooner touched down than he saw a house on fire. He rushed into the house, farting and tap dancing, warning the people about the terrible danger they were in. The head of the house brained Zog with a golfclub. — Kurt Vonnegut

Silence is a mirror. So faithful, and yet so unexpected, is the relection it can throw back at men that they will go to almost any length to avoid seeing themselves in it, and if ever its duplicating surface is temporarily wiped clean of modern life's ubiquitous hubbub, they will hasten to fog it over with such desperate personal noise devices as polite conversation, hummin, whistling, imaginary dialogue, schizophrenic babble, or, should it come to that, the clandestine cannonry of their own farting. Only in sleep is silence tolerated, and even there, most dreams have soundtracks. Since meditation is a deliberate descent into deep internal hush, a mute stare into the ultimate looking glass, it is regarded with suspicion by the nattering masses; with hostility by buisness interests (people sitting in silent serenity are seldom consuming goods); and with spite by a clergy whose windy authority it is seen to undermine and whose bombastic livelihood it is perceived to threaten. — Tom Robbins

Come on, Trouble. Let's go before you start farting bunnies and rainbows or some shit. Luke started laughing hard, and clamped his hand over his stomach, squeezing his brown eyes almost shut. — C.L.Stone

I was like, what the hell is my life coming to? I'm a trained actor! I've done Shakespeare and here I am having farting contests with an imaginary dog! — Matthew Lillard

He that lives upon hope will die farting. — Benjamin Franklin

However, neither occasion quite matched the levels of hilarity that ensued on the day Mr Miller sat on the corner of his desk and farted it to pieces. — Simon Pegg

On My First Driving Lesson First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell? ... Okay, first thing before that first thing: Farting in a car that's not moving makes you an asshole. — Justin Halpern

And Father's fondness for talking about farting and going to the bathroom is disgusting. — Anne Frank

It's a really hard movie [Insane Farting Corpse] to do a Q&A for, as well. The audience is still kind of reeling and being like, "I don't know what to ask." — Daniel Radcliffe

Castleford looked up lazily. He turned his gaze on Summerhays. "What is wrong with him, to get him all puffed up like he holds a bad wind that needs farting?" "Fate. Passion. The stupidity of life." Castleford drank some coffee. "In other words, he has fallen in love. — Madeline Hunter

There's no way to get from the point in Hemn space where we are now, to one that includes pink nerve-gas-farting dragons, following any plausible action principle. Which is really just a technical term for there being a coherent story joining one moment to the next. If you simply throw action principles out the window, you're granting the world the freedom to wander anywhere in Hemn space, to any outcome, without constraint. It becomes pretty meaningless. The mind - even the sline mind - knows that there is an action principle that governs how the world evolves from one moment to the next - that restricts our world's path to points that tell an internally consistent story. So it focuses its worrying on outcomes that are more plausible, such as you leaving. — Neal Stephenson

Classically, cosmetics companies will take highly theoretical, textbookish information about the way that cells work - the components at a molecular level or the behavior of cells in a glass dish - and then pretend it's the same as the ultimate issue of whether something makes you look nice. "This molecular component," they say, with a flourish, "is crucial for collagen formation." And that will be perfectly true (along with many other amino acids which are used by your body to assemble protein in joints, skin, and everywhere else), but there is no reason to believe that anyone is deficient in it or that smearing it on your face will make any difference to your appearance. In general, you don't absorb things very well through your skin, because its purpose is to be relatively impermeable. When you sit in a bath of baked beans for charity, you do not get fat, nor do you start farting. — Ben Goldacre

I used to be a folk singer, but I was ... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog. And being a folk singer doesn't make you attractive to women. — Billy Connolly

I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room. — Tina Fey

Then Mom got very upset and tried to get out of bed to see where they were going, but the farting nurse put her very big arms on Mom to keep her down in the bed. They were practically fighting, because Mom was hysterical and the farting nurse was yelling at her to stay calm, and then they both started screaming for the doctor. But guess what? He had fainted! Right on the floor! So when the farting nurse saw that he had fainted, she started pushing him with her foot to get him to wake up, yelling at — R.J. Palacio

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did. — P. J. O'Rourke

The consumption of food was a sacrament of success. A man who carried a great stomach before him was thought to be in his prime. Women went into hospitals to die of burst bladders, collapsed lungs, overtaxed hearts and meningitis of the spine. There was a heavy traffic to the spas and sulphur springs, where the purgative was valued as an inducement to the appetite. America was a great farting country. All this began to change when Taft moved into the White House. His accession to the one mythic office in the American imagination weighed everyone down. His great figure immediately expressed the apotheosis of that style of man. Thereafter fashion would go the other way and only poor people would be stout. — E.L. Doctorow

It was harder to ignore the smell, meat just starting to turn. And gas. The dead were quiet, very quiet in a bad way, but the sounds of escaping gas were all over. [He] was surrounded by belching and farting corpses who wanted to eat him. It would be funny if it wasn't so fucking horrible. — Mason James Cole

If you're doing a family movie, you don't want it to be stupid. Farting chihuahuas is not my idea of entertainment for kids or adults. So you try to make a movie that adults can see on one level, and kids can see on another. — Joe Dante

Girls don't poop, so don't claim you do. You can fart - because farting is funny - but we don't want to know that you poop. — Ryan Hansen

We've been an empire in decline since I can remember," Ketchum said bluntly; he wasn't kidding. "We are a lost nation, Danny. Stop farting around. — John Irving

Doping in English football is restricted to lager and baked beans with sausages. After which the players take to the field, belching and farting. English football culture is one of pure, intense competition, and that's why I have always preferred it to Italy. — Paolo Di Canio

There she was, welcoming him in, farting prrrrrrp like ten thousand earthquakes, belching arrrp and og like a million volcanoes, while the whole universe roared with approving laughter. She swung tits like sagging moons at him, drew from black teeth an endless snake of bacon-rind, pelted him with balls of ear-wax and snuffled green snot in his direction. The thrones roared and the powers were helpless. Enderby was suffocated by smells: sulphuretted hydrogren, unwashed armpits, halitosis, faeces, standing urine, putrefying meat - all thrust into his mouth and nostrils in squelchy balls. 'Help,' he tried to call. 'Help help help.' He fell, crawled, crying, 'Help, help.' The black, which was solid laughter and filth, closed on him. He gave one last scream before yielding to it. — Anthony Burgess

Relationships are like farting, If you push too hard things could get messy real fast. — Kevin Hart

My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting. — Judy Gold

I forgot to mention," Father Christopher said, smiling seraphically at Sir Martin, "that I am also a priest. So let me offer you a blessing." He pulled out a golden crucifix that had been hidden beneath his shirt and held it toward Lord Slayton's men. "May the peace and love of our Lord Jesus Christ," he said, "comfort and sustain you while you take your farting mouths and your turd-reeking presence out of our sight." He waved a sketchy cross toward the horsemen. "And thus farewell. — Bernard Cornwell