Famous Stand Up Comedians Quotes & Sayings

Global health issues remind us - perhaps more than any other issue - that we are all children of the same extended family. — Kathleen Sebelius

There's no ego when you're a ukulele player. — Jake Shimabukuro

I've not hidden and I'll never hide the fact that I want Scotland to be an independent country. But as long as we're part of the Westminster system, it's really important to people in Scotland that we get good decisions coming out of Westminster. So we've got a vested interest in being a constructive participant. — Nicola Sturgeon

Riches are oftener an impediment than a stimulus to action; and in many cases they are quite as much a misfortune as a blessing. — Samuel Smiles

Once and for all, there are many things I choose not to know.
Wisdom sets limits even to knowledge. — Friedrich Nietzsche

Fucking supercilious Polity minds. They could be so super intelligent, but they had no real idea about her. About the alliances, responsibilities, commitments and the sheer difficulty involved in relinquishing something she'd fought so hard to build, and it had no appreciation of just how vulnerable she'd be if she let it go. They never went through anything like this - just adjusted themselves either physically or mentally to suit current circumstances. — Neal Asher

Man is a little bit better than his reputation, and a little bit worse — Al Pacino

The real challenge is to give a really nuanced performance and really push myself, to make sure that we see a very complete picture of a woman living with Asperger's. Of course, I'm always intrigued. I learn so much from the show about storylines that actually happen on the border. — Diane Kruger

I don't "lol". I tried it once but it just didn't agree with me. — R.D. Ronald

I got a poster from Columbia Records, and there's Miles Davis, Charlie Mingus, Ellington, Count Basie - everybody in that poster has died, I'm the only one left. And great players like Paul Desmond and Gerry Mulligan, it's hard to believe they're gone because we were all so close. But I believe in the future and the tradition will go on. — Dave Brubeck

With a damp palm, I turned the knob and cracked open the door. She was asleep in her freshly made bed. I can't explain how relieved I felt for this simple mercy. She was here and safe on clean sheets. — Laura Anderson Kurk

The diversity of web browsers tomorrow will match the diversity of ink browsers (aka paper) today — Bill Buxton

In L.A., if you're in improv, and you're on those stages, all the big agents and managers and producers are watching those shows. They're not flying to Chicago to see the show. People are booking jobs off the stages in L.A. who aren't more talented than the guys in Chicago. But the most guys book out of L.A., and the second is New York. — Jake Johnson

I would absolutely love to go back to the simplicity of the '80s, where there wasn't texting, social media, iPhones, or smartphones. I love the fact that you would go home and check your messages. I'm not well suited to the world of modern technology. — Matthew Rhys