Famous Comedy Quotes & Sayings

The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error. — Evan Esar

When you start doing comedy, you think to yourself, "I want to be a headliner." And you become a headliner, and you're like, "Oh wait, this isn't what I meant. I meant I want to be a headliner that's famous enough that people come see me specifically." And that's a huge leap, because most of the time most of the audience is there to see comedy in general. They're not there to see you. — Moshe Kasher

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know? — Chris Rock

But the great thing about shows now is since we've been doing (Comedy Death Ray), they have lightened up on their booking policies a bit more and are booking somebody who isn't famous and who hasn't been around ten years. It's great to see people who've done our show - the first big show they've ever done - now they can play around town. — Scott Aukerman

Our world is nothing but a mistery. You never know what happens the next second... — Mykyta Isagulov

I accept calmly what is to be my infamous destiny. — Galeazzo Ciano

A lot of stand-up comedy guys, when they get a little famous, just give up their stand-up career, and it cancels out the thing that set them apart. — Johnny Knoxville

I was definitely not the kid that just wanted to be famous for no reason whatsoever and then happened to find comedy. Fame and all that stuff have always been slightly terrifying to me, and it makes me very anxious. — Bo Burnham

Mason moved back and whispered as his lips teased my skin, "You're going to ride me long and hard tonight." I grinned against his neck. It was what every girl wanted to hear. — Tijan

The ghastly mother-in-law is well represented by a little comedy film of 1952: No Room for the Groom, directed by Douglas Sirk, the fine German director more famous for his melodramas that humanely criticize American morals and values. — Jeanine Basinger

Right now I'm sick of acting, so it's like, maybe I'll do writing for a bit. Then, when I'm tired of writing, I'll go work on my music. When I'm sick of music, I'll be like, I'm going to start performing comedy now. So it's good. It's not like I want to be famous or anything. — Charlyne Yi

I'm open to anything. I would love to play someone completely off the wall. — Selma Blair

A talk show is about having a look at a famous face, a bit of stand-up comedy, knockabout stuff - an interview is what Barbara Walters or Connie Chung does in the States, in-depth, done properly. — Terry Wogan

I liked comedy as a kid. When I was a kid, I'd go to sleep to, like, Bill Cosby albums every night. I'd listen to 'Bill Cosby Is A Very Funny Fellow ... Right!' and 'Wonderfulness,' which are two of his most famous albums. Then the next night, I'd flip them over, 'cause it was the old stackable turntable. — Stephen Colbert

It is almost always the unhappiness of a victorious disputant to destroy his own authority by claiming too many consequences, or diffusing his proposition to an indefensible extent. — Samuel Johnson

It'd be great to be so famous that if I murder someone, I will never, ever, ever serve any jail time, even if it's totally obvious to everyone that I did it. — Mindy Kaling

Comedy has to be done en clair. You can't blunt the edge of wit or the point of satire with obscurity. Try to imagine a famous witty saying that is not immediately clear. — James Thurber

A famous actor, Edmund Kean, on his deathbed, was reported to have said, "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard." — Melvin Helitzer

When I was starting out, I thought I would go into comedy and there would be a mentor, like the Philip Seymour Hoffman character in 'Almost Famous,' in my life, and there just wasn't. It was really frustrating for me because I desired that so much. — Mike Birbiglia

I do not need to hear people tearing into Lisa Lampanelli for liking to have sex only with black men. I'm sad that this is her famous running gag. I'm sad that I now know this. I'm sad that a legitimate rung on the ladder of making it in comedy is writing hateful stuff about total strangers. I don't know. — Mindy Kaling

I am an optimist about America. — Anthony Lewis

Because I think in order to get famous you have to be known for something. Like 'You're the romantic comedy girl' or 'You're the Oscar-winning whatever girl.' — Rachel Weisz