Dumbass Quotes & Sayings

Horror fiction seems to spawn more dumbass 'rules' than any other kind of writing, and one of the dumbest is the assumed 'requirement' of a twist ending, going all the way back to H.H. Munro. This story is also the result of a long rumination on how stories are sometimes scuttled or diminished by succumbing to such 'rules'. — David J. Schow

What a dumbass. Pretty but so fucking dense. — Kristen Luciani

I'd be a dumbass if I didn't plan for every contingency. — Maya Banks

A girl likes to be asked, dumbass. — Matthew Woodring Stover

Besides she's off birth control now. I don't want you guys naked within a hundred yards of her."
"Uh, how are we supposed to shower?"Trey asked.
Brian rolled his eyes in annoyance. "You can shower, dumbass. Just make sure you wear a condom." — Olivia Cunning

Even a desert hare will take a finger off the dumbass that tries to pet it. If the desert can make a bunny that angry, imagine what it does to the people. — Johnny Shaw

See The Last Exorcism. But don't see its dumbass ending. — Paul Tremblay

Beside me, Dean squints at the gazebo to get a better look. "Naah, that's not her. Your freshman is a brunette. And she doesn't have legs that go on and on and - fuck, those legs are hot. 'Scuse me, I think I'll go over there and introduce myself."

I grab his arm before he can take another step. "It's Grace, dumbass. She obviously dyed her hair. And if you looked at her face and not her legs, you'd see it. — Elle Kennedy

I know plenty of hyper-intelligent metal people, but at the same time, there's this dumbass, hardheaded, macho attitude associated with it. For younger people, it's like a succubus. — Blake Judd

Idiots are of two kinds: those who try to be smart and those who think they are smart. — Raheel Farooq

So,' he says. 'When's the big day? Have you set a date yet?'
'What?' I startle. 'For what?'
'For the day you're going to stop being such a dumbass,' he says shooting me a sharp look.
'Oh.' I cringe. Kick at the air. 'Yeah, that'll probably never happen.'
'Yeah, you're probably right.'
'Shut up. — Tahereh Mafi

Bashful=Spanish, Miss Gardenia
Doc=Psychology, Mr. Wang
Happy=Chemistry 2, Mr. Durbin
Dopey=English Lit., Mr. Purcell
Dippy=Math, Mrs. Craig
Dumbass=PE, Coach Crater — Lisa McMann

What do you want?
"To know you," she said without hesitation. "All of you. I want to know what makes you feel good."
"Your laughter," he said without hesitation. "Feeling your hands on me. The way you look at me, whether I've been a complete dumbass, or just made you come-"
With a laugh, she ducked her head, but he dipped his down until she was looking at him again. "You want to know what scared me?" he asked.
"Yes"
He leaned even closer and slid a hand to the nape of her neck. "The thought of never having those things with you again."
-Chloe and Sawyer (Head over Heels) — Jill Shalvis

RegRad: BTW, that "darkness" Skathi went on about w/ U = UR being a Valkyrie, DUMBASS! — Kresley Cole

You need to give me some answers. Like, now. I'm done with this bullshit excuse that nothing is different about you." "Swearing isn't ladylike." He responds drily, like that's the only thing I just said. I roll my eyes at his old ways and say just to annoy him, "Bullshit. I'm not a lady which you should know by now, dumbass." I can't believe it, but he actually lifts a corner of his mouth in an almost smile. — Inda Herwood

Yeah, you are kind of a dumbass. — P.T. Dilloway

What did ya learn from this dumbass stunt?"
Here's where she was supposed to apologize, promise to be a good little girl and never do anything like this again.
Screw that.
Riley locked eyes with him. "I learned that the Holy Water better be fresh, that I need practice throwing the spheres, and that someone has to watch my back so asshats don't steal my demons. — Jana Oliver

I suffer from a unique genetic condition. It's called Dumbass Syndrome and, unfortunately, there's no cure. — Ava Gray

I have pictures of my daughter, in the hospital, at three seconds, six seconds, nine seconds, and then fifteen seconds, 'cause dumbass couldn't get the camera ready fast enough. Yeah, ha ha ha. She wrote that in the photo album. — Christopher Titus

It was never you. Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done and I've regretted that decision every second since the moment I walked out. I've made a lot of dumbass mistakes in my life, but letting you go is the one I'd give anything to erase.
- Jason — Michelle McLean

Howie swore translated to "I am strong and mighty in the wind," but which Jazz feared actually translated to "Another dumbass white kid with Asian tats. LOL. — Barry Lyga

You never got her last name, did you?" Kayden asks, covering his mouth with his hand to try and hide a laugh. The one that still breaks through and makes the urge to hit him even worse.
"It didn't seem important. You wanna clue me in?"
"Taylor. Cadence Taylor. Dumbass. — Melyssa Winchester

Yeah. I talked to their chief and she told me something pretty scary."
"What?" he asked. I took a deep breath, and tried not to stutter.
"She told me that a storm is coming-"
"It does look like it might rain." Dean noted, cutting me off.
I rolled my eyes, "Not a literal storm, dumbass, — Sara Massa

Enough, Qhuinn thought. Enough with the excuses and the avoidance, and trying to be someone else, anyone else.
Even if he got shanked, even if his precious little ego and his dumbass little heart got shattered into a million pieces, it was time to stop the bullshit. It was time to be a male.
As Blay started to straighten like a message had been received, Qhuinn thought, That's right buddy:
Our future has come — J.R. Ward

He cleared his throat. "You need to pick a safe word."
"What on earth is a safe word?"
He smothered a sigh. This was proving to be more work than he thought it'd be. "It's a word you use when you want things to stop."
"How about I use the word 'stop'?" She sounded sarcastic.
"That's not how it works. You need a word that you wouldn't normally use during sex."
"Fine. How about 'dumbass'?"
"I don't think you're getting into the spirit of this."
"Really? You think?"
"Fine. Dumbass it is." There was no dealing with her when she was in this mood. "If you use your safe word, everything stops."
"Good." She took a deep breath. "Dumbass," she shouted.
Andrew wasn't sure what to do next. This was not going the way it did in the books. — Janet Elizabeth Henderson

Aristotle, I swear that kid is going to get himself killed one of these days. He's a dumbass at the genetic level. — Gary Ballard

I'll never let you go. Don't even think about running away. Don't give any other bastard so much as a passing glance. If you ever do that again, I'll really make sure to destroy you."
"I thought you said you'd let go of me, just a little while ago!"
"That was obviously bullshit, you dumbass! I was gonna lock you in a cage if you told to let you go. But, it all turned out for the best. Now we won't have to go through the pain in the ass of fighting over it. — Hajin Yoo

Uhm, what floor do you want?" That was polite, right?
Adam snorted but Serena smiled, a wide grin on her face. "I think it's the fifteenth floor. But you're the one who works here, so you might know better than me."
God, he was such a dumbass. He was so much better when he was just killing something. — Lexi Blake

I've made mistakes, I clearly did, but what I was hoping for was that some other dumbass would get on the front page and take me off the hook. I miss Lane Kiffin. — Bruce Pearl

Don't be such a dumbass, Gabe. Koalas don't travel in herds. They move in heaps. Much like emus move in ripples, and kangaroos travel in photo-ops. — Elle Lothlorien

That dog'll roll in the snow, run in the snow, eat the damn snow, but he wont throught it to shit. I dont clear the path, he shits right by the door. Why is that?
Ryder asked.
Owen replied, "Hence the name."
The name of Ryder's dog ... Dumbass ... — Nora Roberts

She took the bottom of her shirt and wiped the handles of the blades. He made a face.
"What was that for?"
"Fingerprints. I'm not wastin' time explainin' to cops why six inches of steel went into a dumbass. — Randall Kenneth Drake

Two of my fav pieces of wisdom from Phoebe:
- Men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken, and those that aren't are inaccessible.
- Remember, it's always better to be the smartass rather than the dumbass. — Jill Shalvis

Miguel: We've only gone over 100x! Mika: K - gonna roc!! Billy: Glad ur babysitting, dumbass. U know how 2 shoot, right? Mika: Screw u! Kevin: Cut the crap - stay focused treat us like animals we'll show them animals Mika: Hear that! Miguel: Payback a bitch! — Sophie Jordan

And if you dont come back from the dorm, I'm the one who has to explain to Micheal how I let you go off and get yourself killed like a Dumbass. First rule in horror movies, Clair-Never split up! — Rachel Caine

What does it mean when a girl texts you a bunch of x's and o's?" I ask, frowning at my screen. "Are you for real right now?" When I send Shep a helpless look he shakes his head, muttering under his breath. "It means hugs and kisses, dumbass. Jesus, where have you been? Living under a rock? — Monica Murphy

Kiriwar: "It doesn't matter. Bitro's gonna sew your eyebrows to your eyelids when we get back."
Gunzi: "Whaaat?! Then I won't be able to sleep!!"
Kiriwar: "That's the idea, dumbass. — Suguro Chayamachi

I really hoped he wouldn't be at dinner. Mainly because I didn't want to stare at him like a dumbass. — Nichole Chase

Falling in love is like that: you always feel like a dumbass at some point, even if you know it's coming - it's unavoidable. — Kevin Hearne

I'm good at playing the dumbass. It provides a good cover so I can surprise people when I waltz all over them. — Clarissa Wild

That ability to see the right choice, but not until several hours have passed since making the wrong one? That's what makes a person a dumbass, folks. — David Wong

Above all, you must be humble. When you are humble, you are like a sponge, taking in the world and letting it fill you with the knowledge of what is real. Pride and arrogance are a dry sponge. You learn nothing. You think you know everything when it's not even possible to know everything. And then you're the dumbass with the surprised look on your face when someone puts a bullet in you. — Shane Kuhn

How is it my fault that his name sounds like low-grade pornography? Blame his dumbass parents. — Cassandra Gannon

Club bitch? What dumbass female would want to call herself a club bitch with this fucking jerk around? — R.J. Lewis

I'm actin' pro se. Do you even know what that means?" "Yeah, it's Latin for 'dumbass. — David Baldacci

I don't know. He just seems to panic whenever we get close to ... " "He's such a dumbass." "Ruby, come on. He's trying." "To be a dumbass? — Anonymous

Maybe I should just throw myself in the canyon. Oprah isn't on TV anymore, I saw the last Harry Potter movie. What is there to live for?' I tried really hard to think of something helpful.
'We still haven't seen the last Twilight film?'
'I read the book. They all die.'
'Really?'
'No. Dumbass. — Lindsey Kelk

Why would he do this? "He likes you, dumbass," I said out loud. — Fisher Amelie

Even though I smoke, just because I'm a dumbass doesn't mean anyone else has to be. — Gerald McRaney

He's the kind of good-looking that transforms once self-respecting females into useless puddles of dumbass. — Katja Millay

Hark, dumbass, the error is not to fall but to fall from no height. Don't fall off a curb, fall off a cliff. — Dean Young

Simon had
been all lined up and he'd managed to throw away the best girl he'd ever meet.
"What a dumbass," Beck muttered. "No way I'd have done that. — Jana Oliver

My first incident drinking alcohol occurred after a 2-month period in which I stole wine coolers and beers from my parents and hid them in different places around my room. I was 14 years old, in eighth grade. I invited a friend over one night after I had stolen enough. After 2 wine coolers the friend interrupted me, saying, "Hold on," and vomited into a trash can. I vomited a lot into the toilet. The next day, like a dumbass, I put the empty wine cooler and beer bottles in our outside garbage bin without trying to cover them. My dad caught me as a result, but hid it from my mom for unknown reasons. — Brandon Scott Gorrell

Hey, you called me Sam. My actual name. Not Master or dumbass - "
"I have never in my life called anyone dumbass."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Now, focus. — Lish McBride

I don't speak Otter, ya dumbass. What are ya waitin' for? Get over here so we can get back to the rez. Unless I'm talkin' to a real otter, in which case I'm the dumbass and you can just stay over there. I — Kevin Hearne

Are you seriously having to ask why I won't date you?" She sounded so incredulous. "Would you like me to recite the list alphabetically?"
Actually, he did. "Let's hear it."
Not even a pause. "Asshat. Braggart. Cocky tied with chauvinist. Dumbass. Egotistical. Do I really need to go on? — Eve Langlais

come and get it, you dumbass — Iris Johansen

Some dumbass outside the reserve thinks you're wearing a butterfly on your arm, you'll get your ass kicked, Rafael said. — Rose Christo

Yo, dumbass. What do you think she'd be doing with them? Giving them ballet lessons? (Darling) Tell me again why I can't kill him? (Hauk) You're afraid of handling explosives. (Nykyrian) One day I'm going to get over that and when I do ... (Hauk) I'll wisely stop annoying you. (Darling) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

It was five o'clock when the stupid rooster started crowing relentlessly, robbing me of my sleep. The sun hadn't even risen yet. Dumbass bird should be on Prozac. — Alison Bliss

So, was the crime lab a reward for almost being killed?'
'No, it was a reward for not being Bryce, — Beverly Connor

Hey, the pie is the other way, dumbass. — Eve Langlais

Ben starts. "I Spy with my little eye something I really like."
"Oh I know," Radar says. "It's the taste of balls."
"No."
"Is it the taste of penises?" I guess.
"No, dumbass."
"Hmm," says Radar. "Is it the smell of balls?"
"The texture of balls? — John Green

I stared at her. "But she drugged us."
"That is no longer news, dumbass. Are you going to ask why she drugged you?"
"Allright," I said, narrowing my eyes. "Why?"
"Because, dear October, you're the most passively suicidal person I've ever met, and that's saying something. You'll never open your wrists, but you'll run headfirst into hell. You'll have good reasons. You'll have great reasons, even. And a part of you will be praying that you won't come out again. — Seanan McGuire

I just shook hands with a naked goddess. What was that she called you? She-ya-han? Does that mean dumbass in Old Irish or something? — Kevin Hearne

That was Big Fucking Mistake Number Two.
Ten minutes later, he heard Zoe coughing on the monitor and realized that he'd forgotten to keep her upright after he'd fed her. He ran into her room and scooped her up just in time for her to throw up all over both of them, a full-out, volcanic-style heaving that spewed out of her mouth and nose. Which was doubly disconcerting because, (A) holy shit, no one had ever warned him that something so tiny and cute could puke like a drunken frat boy who'd just gorged on a double-stuffed burrito, and (B) now Zoe was hollering like a banshee-Who left the dumbass in charge of me? Help!- — Julie James

It's a kilt, dumbass. It's only a skirt if I'm wearing underwear. — Damon Suede

And because I was competing for world's biggest dumbass, I stayed out there, in the trees, stomach grumbling like a damn engine, and helped her carry in box after box without her even knowing. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

You really are a dumbass. — Stjepan Sejic

Trace," she prompted. "Would you like to tell our friends our exciting news?" Her expression indicated that she'd barely been able to not call him a dumbass for gaping at her like an idiot. "Of course I would." He turned and flashed his panty-dropping grin at the audience. "Our exciting news is that Kylie and I are expecting." The response was almost deafening. A hand smacked him hard in the chest. "We're expecting y'all to come see us on the road. Because tonight we're kicking off our The Other Side of Me tour," she clarified, practically shouting into the mic over the bedlam. He winked when she glared at him. — Caisey Quinn

Okay, dumbass. Perspective time," Gordon muttered as he ripped the greasy bag open. He would force himself to eat. He was not going to become an obsessed basketcase. He wasn't.

"First of all," he said, yanking the utensil drawer open." He is capable of murdering a huge juicer in the middle of the street and then disappearing with the body within seconds."

He removed one of the cartons and shoved his fork into the mound of noodles. "Two, he is probably a sociopath. Three, he thinks I'm a complete ballsack of a moron. — Santino Hassell

Anyways, the epiphany I just had was this. Maybe guys like me who write with bad grammar and all and sound like what you might think a dipshit should sound like, actually aren't dipshits. We're just regular Joes, makin' the world go 'round. It's those fucks who talk and write so smooth and perfect that they make you feel like a dumbass because you don't. Maybe they're the dipshits. — Bobby Adair

Although the secrets governments kept were generally about money wasted on dumbass ideas while social services held bake sales. — Tanya Huff

What is that quote?" Hazel said, walking to him, too glad he'd come to object to the danger he'd put himself in. "The Lord protects fools, drunks, and dumbass ax wielders? — Holly Black

Did you just call me a numpty?"
"Yup. A delusional one."
"What, may I ask, is a numpty?"
"A person demonstrating a lack of knowledge of a situation; a silly person; an idiot; a dumbass. A delusional numpty: Joss Butler's stupid, idiotic, blind misconception of the true nature of her relationship with my brother, Braden Carmichael." She glowered at me, but it was an Ellie glower so it didn't really count.
I nodded my head. "Numpty. Good word."
She threw a cushion at me. — Samantha Young

Your Egnlish is so atrocious I don't feel the need to even respond' seems but a long-winded way of saying, 'Home-schooled dumbass. — George Takei

The dumbass?' Justin asked.
'Yes, you're not the only one in town. Who knew? — Kim Harrington

Oooh ... Aunt Chelsea called Jake the D-word!"
Rory's voice carries into the kitchen. "Dipshit?"
"No."
"Dumbass?"
"No."
"Douchebag?"
"What's a douchebag?"
"Rory!" Chelsea and I yell at exactly the same time. — Emma Chase

My ass may be dumb, but I ain't no dumbass. — Samuel L. Jackson

Every time I question him about the feasibility, he smiles at me like he's Yoda and I'm just a dumbass without the Force. — Kendare Blake

Fear was a dumbass state to live in. - From IMAGINE ME AND YOU — Maisey Yates

I don't think there's a single dumbass thing I've done in my adult life that I didn't know was a dumbass thing to do while I was doing it. Even when I justified it to myself - as I did every damn time - the truest part of me knew I was doing the wrong thing. Always. — Cheryl Strayed

What I mean is, even a dumbass like me can think everything's pointless. Why do I get up and eat? It all ends up shit anyway. Why am I going to school and studying? Even if I happen to succeed I'm going to die anyway. You wear nice clothes, you seek respect, you make a lot of money, but what's the point? It's all pointless. But ... but, you see, we still have emotions like joy and happiness, right? They may not amount to much but they fill up our emptiness. — Koushun Takami

Jeremy laughed. "Well, there was food, a gift, and you spent your time shopping. I'd say it was a date!"
Aiden squinted at Jeremy. "That's all we did last Saturday! he said, a little bit of surprise in his voice. "I thought you weren't gay!"
Jeremy widened his eyes big enough to look shocked. "Well, I didn't know you were!"
"God, what a dumbass!" Aiden shook his head. "Jesus, how can you give advice on two guys dating if you don't even know what two guys do if they're not on a date. — Amy Lane

Anyone who discounts you is a dumbass," I muttered as the golf cart jerked forward.
"And are you a dumbass?" the Pigeon inquired as she peeked under the tarp.
"Absolutely not ... I'm a smartass. — Robyn Peterman

She set aside her crutches and quickly unbolted the door to open it.
"What took you so long?"
Her knee was bent and her ankle pulled up off the ground. She balanced against the doorjamb. "What d'you think, dumbass?" she retorted smartly, keeping her voice down so she wouldn't alert her parents. "You scared the crap out of me, by the way. My parents are already in bed, and I was all alone down here."
"Good!" he exclaimed as he reached in and grabbed her around the waist, dragging her up against him and wrapping his arms around her.
She giggled while he held her there, enjoying everything about the feel of him against her. "What are you doing here? I thought I wouldn't see you till tomorrow. — Kimberly Derting

You're not competing for him, dumbass. He's already yours. — Sarina Bowen

When he flashed that rockin' smile of his again, I couldn't help but think that me being cute was what might be crossing his mind. Then again, maybe he thought I was a dumbass. Either way, he smiled, which was good enough for me. - Ariel — Victoria H. Smith