Douchebag Quotes & Sayings

Nice to meet His Creepiness," Zahara said with a sneer. "In case your douchebag of a boss has never told you, sneaking up on a girl with a blade is never a nice way of saying hello." ~Zahara — Annabell Cadiz

Would you want people walking up to you and pointing at your d
k? I can't believe I'm still talking about this. But I've worn underwear every day of my life and the fact that I'm painted as this exhibitionist is a little annoying. It's become a meme, I guess. Being someone who people want to photograph, you have to open yourself up to the positive and negative. It is what it is. If I get mad at it I'll look like a douchebag. But it's silly. — Jon Hamm

Listen, kiddo," he said. "I'm a selfish prick, and I want to be the greatest fuck of your life and ruin you for every man who comes after me. But I'm not a mind reader, so I need some help. Otherwise I could end up as the douchebag who's got shitty taste in wine and totally traumatized you when you were thirty. — Cara McKenna

Yeah, my father is an egotistical douchebag," he says roughly. "My name literally means Jonathan empire. — Krista Ritchie

Rhiannon's Law #22. You can't lie to yourself, so don't bother trying. Doing so only multiplies your douchebag level to the umpteenth power and confirms what others have been saying for years - that you are an idiot. — J.A. Saare

How much to make her go to her room and stop talking to me?" Cal asked.
While I gaped at his rudeness, Gigi coughed a rather obvious "douchebag!" into her fist. I caught her eye and shook my head emphatically. Douche-coughing someone with superhearing was not a responsible choice. — Molly Harper

I've only met Reed twice," I said. Kind of sad, but that made him my oldest friend. "And I have no idea who this new guy is. Just for the record, I'm calling him 'Full Metal Jackass' because he's a sucker-punching douchebag, and I hop you'll join me in that by putting it on his official file or threat designator or whatever you use to keep track of metas that cross you."
"Duly noted. We have concerns." She folded her hands again.
"So do I," I agreed. "Most of them involve your fashion sense, with a few left to spare for the armor-clad whackjob that b**** slapped me around a parking lot this morning. — Robert J. Crane

I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THIS, but lots of guys have a thing for Ariel. You know, from The Little Mermaid? I've never been into her myself, but I can understand the attraction: she fills out her shells nicely, she's a redhead, and she spends most of the movie unable to speak.
In light of this, I'm not too disturbed about the semi I'm sporting while watching Beauty and the Beast - part of the homework Erin gave me. I like Belle. She's hot. Well ... for a cartoon, anyway. She reminds me of Kate. She's resourceful. Smart. And she doesn't take any shit from the Beast or that douchebag with the freakishly large arms.
I stare at the television as Belle bends over to feed a bird. Then I lean forward, hoping for a nice cleavage shot ...
I'm going to hell, aren't I? — Emma Chase

Were you feeling all right?"
"No, not at all."
"Bellyache?"
"Yeah, a two-month bellyache called Vivian-itis. Symptoms include desperate longing and inability to do anything but feel like a douchebag. Patient can't do shit on the field but stand there like an ass, wondering what the fuck he's doing with his life. It's chronic. No known cure. — C.D. Reiss

In light of this, I'm not too disturbed about the semi I'm sporting while watching Beauty and the Beast - part of the homework Erin gave me. I like Belle. She's hot. Well ... for a cartoon, anyway. She reminds me of Kate. She's resourceful. Smart. And she doesn't take any shit from the Beast or that douchebag with the freakishly large arms — Emma Chase

Political correctness is modern day censorship. This still doesn't justify you in being a douchebag. — Kevin Focke

It must be horny douchebag day, she mumbled under her breath as she slid the bag's strap up on her shoulder. — Dennis Sharpe

I tilted my head back against his shoulder, wondering how he'd gone from douchebag extraordinaire to this.. this guy who still infuriated me but also constantly surprised and amazed me.
To this guy Id fallen madly in love with. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Sometimes he was weird, sometimes he was Captain Douchebag, but he was always my best friend. — Sharon Sant

She was my assignment."
"From The Eye?"
"No, from the Boy Scouts. That Witch Dating badge just kept eluding me."
"Well, you must have at least three Total Douchebag badges by now, so that has to count for something. — Rachel Hawkins

he still looked like a preppy douchebag who wore sweaters tied around his neck like some Ivy League pedophile to me. — Tijan

Guess that's a thing you still do. You know, look like a douchebag. — Karina Halle

I didn't want to prejudge but based on the company he kept, the glistening of his suit, and the poser-like swagger, I somehow suspected that Shiny Suit was what the students today technically refer to as a douchebag. — Harlan Coben

If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag. — Dana Gould

We have about three hours of homework a night, and our evening study period is only two hours, so if you want to spend the break at half-past-nine not freaking out, you have to cram. I'm not sure that the picture of the wide-eyed zombie girl biting out the brains of senior douchebag James Page is part of Sam's homework, bit if it is, his physics teacher is awesome. — Holly Black

So tell me i'm wrong, cursed me when i'm started being a douchebag and all. Then i'll let you know how much i love you, lads. — Ariel Seraphino

Actually, Pretty in Pink's Steff might be the most deliciously contemptible rich douchebag in all of cinema history. — Jen Chaney

That's the way of every human catastrophe. The douchebag is nearly indestructible. — Rick Yancey

She believed being so free with her sexuality was empowering, but I wouldn't say taking home a douchebag who would laugh about the encounter with his friend later is a step forward in the feminist movement.-Lily — Teresa Lo

I'm falling in love with you too, sweetheart. I know you're scared, and I know the shit that dickless douchebag put you through has you doing everything in your power to never go through something like that again, but I'm not him, baby. Don't run from it. Fall with me. Be with me, Ellie. I want to give you every part of myself. I want to be the reason you wake up every day with a smile on your beautiful face. God, Ellie. You own me. You fucking have me by the balls and I don't even care. — N.A. Alcorn

You shouldn't pay attention to things that don't grab your attention. If you do, you're being a pretentious douchebag. — Paul Jarvis

I'm Dee Black. I'm the sister of the douchebag known as Daemon." She smiled brightly. "But you probably already know that."
"That's he's a douchebag or that he's your brother?" Archer asked innocently. "The answer is yes to both. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

[Truman] didn't want to fight the guy, whatever he was - alien, vampyr or douchebag. — J. Richard Singleton

Thanks," I muttered and added under my breath, "Douchebag."
He laughed, deep and throaty. "Now that's not very ladylike, Kittycat."
I whipped around. "Don't ever call me that," I snapped.
"It's better than calling someone a douchebag, isn't it?" He pushed out the door. "This has been a stimulating visit. I'll cherish it for a long time to come."
Okay. That was it. "You know, you're right. How wrong of me to call you a douchebag. Because a douchebag is too nice of a word for you," I said, smiling sweetly. "You're a dickhead."
"A dickhead?" he repeated. "How charming."
I flipped him off. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

I may or may not
have once tossed a guy out of her store for flirting
with her.Total douchebag. Wore a
scarf indoors. -Nick — Julie James

I try to have a balance of things you like and things you don't like about a character. But once you start that, all these scripts are like, "You play the douchebag friend of Ashton Kutcher." It's all these characters that are overconfident or hyper-masculine. — Jemaine Clement

Chris Brown is SUCH a douchebag. — Joshua Malina

I hate fucking pussies like that." Felix reached out and shook Hector's hand. "Good for you, man. I would've cracked him too." He turned and pointed at Abel. "Let me know if you need help with that. I'll donate to the cause. We'll call it 'Cracking Down on Future Fucking Douchebag Wife Beaters of the World.' Can't think of a better charity. — Elizabeth Reyes

I was married to the number one douchebag of all time. — Brandi Glanville

One of the new girls followed me in and said she thinks Toph is an insensitive douchebag motherhumping assclown, and that I shouldn't let him get to me. Which was sweet, but didn't really help. — Stephanie Perkins

It's semi-frustrating when your name actually becomes a synonym for douchebag. — Pete Wentz

She talks like you. It's not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who's only holding Cinderella back."
"That's my girl. — Emma Chase

Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag. — George Carlin

The worst case scenario is you really like someone's work, then you meet them and they're a self-involved, entitled douchebag. — Moby

I immediately felt better about killing him. I've never known a Trevor who wasn't a total douchebag. It's just one of those names that goes so nicely with selfish, arrogant, malicious behavior - and really, what did I know about this guy? Nothing, except that his name was Trevor and he'd been nabbed in the midst of breaking-and-entering. That was plenty. — Cherie Priest

We should be thanking Apple for launching the $10,000 'apple watch' as the new gold standard in douchebag detection. — Anna Kendrick

If I had three wishes for my country, they would be these: keep fighting, keep moving forward, and don't act like a douchebag. — Michael Ian Black

For God's sake, don't let her watch Cinderella. What kind of example is that? A mindless twit who can't even remember where she left her damn shoe, so she has to wait for some douchebag in tights to bring it to her? Give me a frigging break! — Emma Chase

She looks like a cheery girl, the kind who pledges Kai Beta Bullshit and throws mixers on the weekend with the frat boys at Alpha Kappa Douchebag. — J.M. Darhower

The only guys that make it through are the guys that make it through are the guys that have a complete control of their ego where they tap out in the beginning, all the time, you're always losing in the beginning ... Your ego can get bruised if you don't have control of it. So what ends up happens is Jiu Jitsu is the ultimate douchebag filter. — Eddie Bravo

There are many self-proclaimed "screenwriting gurus" - though how you get to be a "guru" of something you've never actually done is beyond us. Screenplays are like blueprints. A guy who's drawn up a lot of blueprints that have never actually been made into buildings is not an "architecture guru," he's an "unemployed douchebag." A guy who talks about screen-writing but who's never sold a screenplay is not a "screenwriting guru," he's a "lecture circuit bullshit artist." From now on, that's what we'll call them. — Thomas Lennon

Yeah? ... Oh, hell no, I got Pidge here with me. We're just gettin' ready to go to bed ... Shut the fuck up, Trent, that's not funny ... Seriously? What's he doin' in town" He looked at me and sigued. "All right. We'll be there in half an hour ... You heard me, douchebag. Because I don't go anywhere without her, that's why. Do you want me to pound your face when I get there?" Travis hung up and shook his head. I raised an eyebrow. "That is the weirdest conversation I've ever heard. — Jamie McGuire

Oooh ... Aunt Chelsea called Jake the D-word!"
Rory's voice carries into the kitchen. "Dipshit?"
"No."
"Dumbass?"
"No."
"Douchebag?"
"What's a douchebag?"
"Rory!" Chelsea and I yell at exactly the same time. — Emma Chase

We make a product and sell it. How hard can it be? Every douchebag either one of us has ever worked for has managed to do this! — Leonard Richardson

If you dress or look in ways that scream "jerk", "douchebag" or "terrorist", don't expect to enjoy meaningful social interactions on a regular basis, buddy! Now, — Robert Moore