Famous Quotes & Sayings

Don't Smoke Funny Quotes & Sayings

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Top Don't Smoke Funny Quotes

Don't Smoke Funny Quotes By Mark A. Cooper

Luckily the smoke raised the alarm and everyone fled we don't think any innocent people died. Although when the cavern collapsed two guards were crushed."
"Yeah I would have been disappointed too." Jason grinned, his grin was soon wiped off his face when he noticed Dexter's face change and disapproval of his joke. — Mark A. Cooper

Don't Smoke Funny Quotes By Dylan Moran

I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here. — Dylan Moran

Don't Smoke Funny Quotes By Michael Stearns

The Evil Enchanter appeared in a cloud of smoke. He waved his arms to fan away the fumes, and when he quit coughing, he said, "You've come to rescue no one. Now that you're here, you shall marry me." He waved his arms once, and a priest appeared in a cloud of smoke. After everyone quit coughing, he turned to the priest and said, "Marry me!"
The priest said, "But I don't know you."
"No, no, no!" said the Evil Enchanter. "Marry me to the princess!"
"Oh," said the priest. "That's different. — Michael Stearns

Don't Smoke Funny Quotes By David Sedaris

The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fifteen seconds they just added to your life. What they don't understand is that those are just fifteen more seconds you can spend hating their guts and plotting revenge. — David Sedaris

Don't Smoke Funny Quotes By Jim Gaffigan

I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact of the matter is, when you're the youngest of a big family, by the time you're a teenager, your parents are insane. You're like, "Hey, I'm going roller-skating-" "You're not going roller-skating or you'll end up pregnant like your sister. Why don't you smoke pot and become a lawyer?" — Jim Gaffigan

Don't Smoke Funny Quotes By Henry Rollins

It's funny how people think that they have "a right to life". Now isn't that the biggest load you ever heard? You don't have a right to shit your pants on Sunday. Let's take it back to the jungle. Where the fuck are your rights there? No layers in the jungle. Civilization has allowed the weak to survive. You can sit back and be an overweight, apathetic piece of shit, smoke your dope and still survive because you have a right to life. — Henry Rollins

Don't Smoke Funny Quotes By Doug Benson

I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject. — Doug Benson

Don't Smoke Funny Quotes By Holly Hood

Nona I don't think your allowed to smoke in here.
Nona exhaled a large cloud of smoke.
Nona keeps their lights on. A little smoke won't hurt them. — Holly Hood

Don't Smoke Funny Quotes By Mike Birbiglia

I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?" — Mike Birbiglia