Quotes & Sayings About Discworld

On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance. — Terry Pratchett

It wasn't by eliminating the impossible that you got at the truth, however improbable; it was by the much harder process of eliminating the possibilities. You worked away, patiently asking questions and looking hard at things. You walked and talked, and in your heart you just hoped like hell that some bugger's nerve'd crack and he'd give himself up. — Terry Pratchett

It was the way he wore the place. You expected him any moment to break into the kind of song that has suspicious rhymes and phrases like "my kind of town" and "I wanna be a part of it" in it; the kind of song where people dance in the street and give the singer apples and join in and a dozen lowly matchgirls suddenly show amazing choreographical ability and everyone acts like cheery lovable citizens instead of the murderous, evil-minded, self-centered people they suspect themselves to be. But the point was that if Carrot had erupted into a song, people WOULD have joined in. Carrot could have jollied up a circle of standing stones to form up behind him and do a rumba. — Terry Pratchett

Tiffany thought of the little spot in the woods where Granny Weatherwax lay. Remembered.
And knew that You had been right. Granny Weatherwax was indeed here. And there. She was, in fact, and always would be, everywhere. — Terry Pratchett

Winder's mind felt even fuzzier than it had done over the past few years, but he was certain about cake. He'd been eating cake, and now there wasn't any. Through the mists he saw it, apparently close but, when he tried to reach it, a long way away.
A certain realization dawned on him.
"Oh," he said.
YES, said Death.
"Not even time to finish my cake?"
NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE. — Terry Pratchett

If you must know, he said 'my goodness me, a walking potato — Terry Pratchett

There was a steady drizzle when they left for the tower. Moist drove the cart, with the others sitting on the load behind him and bickering over trigonometry. Moist tried not to listen; he got lost when maths started to get silly. — Terry Pratchett

If you invited a hedge wizard to a party, he would spend half the evening talking to your potted plant. And he would spend the other half listening. — Terry Pratchett

Ankh-Morpork! Pearl of cities! This is not a completely accurate description, of course - it was not round and shiny - but even its worst enemies would agree that if you had to liken Ankh-Morpork to anything, then it might as well be a piece of rubbish covered with the diseased secretions of a dying mollusc. — Terry Pratchett

Good evening, gentlemen!' said the vampire. 'Please pay attention. I am a reformed vampire, which is to say, I am a bundle of repressed instincts held together with spit and coffee. It would be wrong to say that violent, tearing carnage does not come easily to me. It's not tearing your throats out that doesn't come easily to me. Please don't make it any harder. — Terry Pratchett

Everybody does it!" Quirke burst out. "It's perks!"
"Everybody?" said Vimes. He looked around at the squad. "Anyone else here take bribes?"
His glare ran from face to face, causing most of the squad to do an immediate impression of the Floorboard and Ceiling Inspectors Synchronized Observation Team. — Terry Pratchett

Sybil's female forebears had valiantly backed up their husbands as distant embassies were besieged, had given birth on a camel or in the shade of a stricken elephant, had handed around the little gold chocolates while trolls were trying to break into the compound, or had merely stayed at home and nursed such bits of husbands and sons as made it back from endless little wars. The result was a species of woman who, when duty called, turned into solid steel. — Terry Pratchett

That
ing zombie is going to end up on the end of a couple of
ing handy and versatile kebab skewers,' said Mr Tulip. 'An' then I'm gonna put an edge on this
ing spatula. An' then ... then I'm gonna get medieval on his arse.'
There were more pressing problems, but this one intrigued Mr Pin.
'How, exactly?' he said.
'I thought maybe a maypole,' said Mr Tulip reflectively. 'An' then a display of country dancing, land tillage under the three-filed system, several plagues and, if my
ing hand ain't too tired, the invention of the
ing horse collar. — Terry Pratchett

Several times he had to flatten himself against the shelves as a thesaurus thundered by. He waited patiently as a herd of Critters crawled past, grazing on the contents of the choicer books and leaving behind them piles of small slim volumes of literary criticism. — Terry Pratchett

She knew a cutting, incisive, withering and above all a self-evident answer existed. It was just that, to her extreme annoyance, she couldn't quite bring it to mind. — Terry Pratchett

Sometimes, Tiffany thought, I am so fed up with being young. — Terry Pratchett

Tiffany knew what the problem was immediately. She'd seen it before, at
birthday parties. Her brother was suffering from tragic sweet
deprivation. Yes, he was surrounded by sweets. But the moment he took any
sweet at all, said his sugar-addled brain, that meant he was not taking
all the rest. And there were so many sweets he'd never be able to eat
them all. It was too much to cope with. The only solution was to burst
into tears. — Terry Pratchett

A dwarf who can't get the hang of metal? That must be pretty unique."
"Pretty rare, sir. But I was quite good at alchemy.."
"Guild member?"
"Not any more, sir."
"Oh? How did you leave the guild?"
"Through the roof, sir. But I'm pretty certain I know what I did wrong. — Terry Pratchett

Young Sam at this point had tired of petticoat company and had drifted over to an elderly goblin man who was working on a pot, and was watching with extreme fascination to the apparent pleasure, as far as Vimes could tell, of the elderly goblin. That's a lesson to us ... I don't know what kind of lesson, but it's a lesson, he thought. — Terry Pratchett

Firstly," said Ponder, "Mr Pessimal wants to know what we do here."
"Do? We are the premier college of magic!" said Ridcully.
"But do we teach?"
"Only if no alternative presents itself," said the Dean. "We show 'em where the library is, give 'em a few little chats, and graduate the survivors. If they run into any problems, my door is always metaphorically open."
"Metaphorically, sir?" said Ponder.
"Yes. But technically, of course, it's locked."
"Explain to him that we don't do things, Stibbons," said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. "We are academics. — Terry Pratchett

Somewhere on the frontier between thought and reality exists the Discworld, a parallel time and place which might sound and smell very much like our own, but which looks completely different. Certainly it refuses to succumb to the quaint notion that universes are ruled by pure logic and the harmony of numbers. — Terry Pratchett

I just think the world ought to be more sort of organized.'
'That's just fantasy,' said Twoflower.
'I know. That's the trouble.' Rincewind sighed again. — Terry Pratchett

The Great God Om waxed wroth, or at least made a spirited attempt. There is a limit to the amount of wroth that can be waxed one inch from the ground, and he was right up against it. — Terry Pratchett

[Y]ou weren't born with a talent for witchcraft: it didn't come easily; you worked hard at it because you wanted it. You forced the world to give it to you, no matter the price, and the price is and always will be high ... People say you don't find witchcraft; witchcraft finds you. But you've found it, even if at the time you didn't know what it was you were finding, and you grabbed it by its scrawny neck and made it work for you. — Terry Pratchett

Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the discworld. Tourist, Rincewind had decided, meant 'idiot'. — Terry Pratchett

In Ankh-Morpork even the shit have a street to itself," said Detritus, awe and wonder in his voice. "Truly, this a land of opportunity. — Terry Pratchett

The commander went, as they say in Ankh-Morpork, totally Librarian on them. — Terry Pratchett

I HAVE MADE THIS FOR YOU.
She reached out and took a damp square of cardboard. Water dripped off the bottom. Somewhere in the middle, a few brown feathers seemed to have been glued on.
'Thank you. Er ... what is it?'
ALBERT SAID THERE OUGHT TO BE SNOW ON IT, BUT IT APPEARS TO HAVE MELTED, said Death. IT IS, OF COURSE, A HOGSWATCH CARD.
'Oh ... '
THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A ROBIN ON IT AS WELL, BUT I HAD CONSIDERABLE DIFFICULTY IN GETTING IT TO STAY ON.
'Ah ... '
IT WAS NOT AT ALL COOPERATIVE.
'Really ... ?'
IT DID NOT SEEM TO GET INTO THE HOGSWATCH SPIRIT AT ALL. — Terry Pratchett

I think when people mean that Discworld books have become darker they really mean the series is growing up. In 'The Colour of Magic' most of the city is set alight. It's a joke, in much the same way that the Earth is destroyed almost at the start of Douglas Adams's 'The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.' — Terry Pratchett

When new students tried an experiment that was particularly successful in terms of explosive force, the result was often a cross between a major factory refit and a game of Hunt-the-other-Kidney. — Terry Pratchett

Tiffany found her mind filling up with an invisible gray mist, and in that thought there was nothing but grief. She could feel herself trying to push back time, but even the best witchcraft could not do that. — Terry Pratchett

The bravest person I've ever met was a young boy going through massive amounts of treatment for a very rare, complex and unpleasant disease. I last saw him at a Discworld convention, where he chose to take part in a game as an assassin. He died not long afterwards, and I wish I had his fortitude and sense of style. — Terry Pratchett

Look down, your grace," said Skimmer. "Mhm, mhm."
Vimes realized he could feel the faintest prick of a knife blade on his stomach. "Look down further," he said.
Inigo looked down. He swallowed. Vimes had a knife, too. "You really are no gentleman, then," he said.
"Make a sudden move and neither are you," said Vimes. — Terry Pratchett

Someone broke from the scrum and, punching and kicking, staggered towards the Klatchian goal.
"Isn't that man your butler?" said Ahmed.
"Yes."
"One of your soldiers said he bit a man's nose off."
Vimes shrugged. "He's got a very pointed look if I don't use the sugar tongs, I know that. — Terry Pratchett

Have - have you got an appointment?' he said.
'I don't know,' said Carrot. 'Have we got an appointment?'
'I've got an iron ball with spikes on,' Nobby volunteered.
'That's a morningstar, Nobby.'
'Is it?'
'Yes,' said Carrot. 'An appointment is an engagement to see someone, while a morningstar is a large lump of metal used for viciously crushing skulls. It is important not to confuse the two, isn't it, Mr-?' He raised his eyebrows.
'Boffo, sir. But-'
'So if you could perhaps run along and tell Dr Whiteface we're here with an iron ball with spi- What am I saying? I mean, without an appointment to see him? Please? Thank you. — Terry Pratchett

That just goes to show that you never know, although what it is we never know I suspect we'll never know. — Terry Pratchett

When he was a boy he'd read books about great military campaigns, and visited the museums and looked with patriotic pride at the paintings of famous cavalry charges, last stands and glorious victories. It had come as rather a shock, when he later began to participate in some of these, to find that the painters had unaccountably left out the intestines. Perhaps they just weren't very good at them. — Terry Pratchett

I shall fear not. According to the Testament of Mezerek, the fisherman Nonpo spent four days in the belly of a giant fish," said Constable Visit.
The thunder seemed particularly loud in the silence.
"Washpot, are we talking miracles here?" said Reg eventually. "Or just a very slow digestive process? — Terry Pratchett

The thing is, 'Discworld' had been going on for a very long time, and I've written children's books as well. Usually when people have a really big series they franchise it, which I thought is a bit of a no-no, so I thought what I'd do is I'd franchise it to myself. — Terry Pratchett

It's not gambling to play
against someone who's no good. It's common sense. — Terry Pratchett

She gazed out across the rooftops of Ankh-Morpork and reasoned like this: writing was only the words that people said, squeezed between layers of paper until they were fossilized (fossils were well known on the Discworld, great spiraled shells and badly constructed creatures that were left over from the time when the Creator hadn't really decided what He wanted to make and was, as it were, just idly messing around with the Pleistocene). And the words people said were just shadow of real things. But some things were too big to be really trapped in words, and even the words were too powerful to be completely tamed by writing. — Terry Pratchett

It was funny how people were people everywhere you went, even if the people concerned weren't the people the people who made up the phrase "people are people everywhere" had traditionally thought of as people. — Terry Pratchett

'Discworld' is taking something that you know is ridiculous and treating it as if it is serious, to see if something interesting happens when you do so. — Terry Pratchett

Middle Earth. Vulcan. Pern. Arrakis. Magrathea. Discworld, Mid-World, Riverworld, Ringworld. Worlds upon worlds. — Ernest Cline

My Lord ... what is Death like?" called the old man tremulously.
"When I have investigated it fully, I will let you know," came the faintest of modulations on the breeze.
"Yes," murmured the Loremaster. A thought struck him. "During daylight, please," he added. — Terry Pratchett

Map-making had never been a precise art on the Discworld. People tended to start off with good intentions and then get so carried away with the spouting whales, monsters, waves and other twiddly bits of cartographic furniture that the often forgot to put the boring mountains and rivers in at all. — Terry Pratchett

The truth of the matter was that Juliet would look good in a sack. Somehow everything she wore fitted perfectly. Glenda, on the other hand, never found anything good in her size and indeed seldom anything in her size. In theory, something should fit, but all she ever found was facts, which are so unbecoming. — Terry Pratchett

Vimes was already lost. Oh, there was the sun, but that was just a direction. He could feel it on the side of his face.
And the camel rocked from side to side. There was no real way of judging distance, except by haemorrhoids. — Terry Pratchett

Of course, to be fair, that was a parent's job. The world was so full of sharp bends that if they didn't put a few twists in you, you wouldn't stand a chance of fitting in. — Terry Pratchett

Only elves and trolls had survived the coming of Man to the discworld: the elves because they were altogether too clever by half, and the trolley folk because they were at least as good as humans at being nasty, spiteful and greedy. — Terry Pratchett

IN MY EXPERIENCE, SUSAN, WITHIN THEIR HEADS TOO MANY HUMANS SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN THE MIDDLE OF WARS THAT HAPPENED CENTURIES AGO. — Terry Pratchett

Mr Vimes," said Mrs Winkings, "ve cannot help but notice that you still haf not employed any of our members in the Vatch ... "
Say 'Watch', why don't you? Vimes thought. I know you can. Let the twenty-third letter of the alphabet enter your life. — Terry Pratchett

We're dealing here," said Vimes, "With a twisted mind."
"Oh, no! You think so?"
"Yes."
"But ... no ... you can't be right. Because Nobby was with us all the time."
"Not Nobby," said Vimes testily. "Whatever he might do to a dragon, I doubt if he'd make it explode. There's stranger people in this world than Corporal Nobbs, my lad."
Carrot's expression slid into a rictus of intrigued horror.
"Gosh," he said. — Terry Pratchett

In front of her the cat Greebo, glad to be home again, lay on his back with all four paws in the air, doing his celebrated something-found-in-the-gutter impersonation. — Terry Pratchett

Are you staying with us? It could be dangerous,' said William, realizing that he was saying this to a vampire iconographer who undied every time he took a picture. — Terry Pratchett

Is that you, Sergeant Angua?" said a voice in the gloom. A lantern was open, and lit the approaching face of Constable Visit. As he drew near, she could just make out the thick wad of pamphlets under his other arm.
"Hello, Washpot," she said. "What's up?"
" ... looks like a twist of lemon ... " said a damp voice from the shadows.
"Mister Vimes sent me to search the bars of iniquity and low places of sin for you," said Visit.
"And the literature?" said Angua. "By the way, the words "nothing personal" could have so easily been added to that last sentence. — Terry Pratchett

What can the harvest hope for ... — Terry Pratchett

I assure you I will not kill you," said Inigo.
"I know that," said Vimes. "But will you try? — Terry Pratchett

There are no maps. You can't map a sense of humor. — Terry Pratchett

The disc, being flat, has no real horizon. Any adventurous sailor who got funny ideas from staring at eggs and oranges for too long and set out for the antipodes soon learned that the reason why distant ships sometimes looked as though they were disappearing over the edge of the world was that they were disappearing over the edge of the world. — Terry Pratchett

Her books on alchemy were marvellous objects, every page a work of the engraver's art, but they nowhere contained instructions like "Be sure to open a window". They did have instructions like "Adde Aqua Quirmis to the Zinc untile Rising Gas Yse Vigorousky Evolved", but never added "Don't Doe Thys Atte Home" or even "And Say Fare-Thee-Welle to Thy Eyebrows. — Terry Pratchett

We made a big fuss over the possibility of microbes on Mars. If orangutans were Martians we'd cherish them, we'd be so amazed at how they're like us but not like us, they'd be invited to tea and cigars at the White House. But they're apes, sad in zoos, funny in movies, useful in advertisements and in fantasy books, I'm almost ashamed to say, but at least the Discworld's Librarian has done his bit for the species and caused more than a few bob to flow their way. — Anonymous

How big a war?"
"A worse one than the one fifty years ago, I expect," said Cheery.
"I don't recall people talking about that one," said Vimes.
"Most humans didn't know about it," said Cheery. "It mostly took place underground. Undermining passages and digging invasion tunnels and so on. Perhaps a few houses fell into mysterious holes and people didn't get their coal, but that was about it."
"You mean dwarfs just try to collapse mines on other dwarfs?"
"Oh, yes."
"I thought you were all law-abiding?"
"Oh, yes, sir. Very law-abiding. Just not very merciful. — Terry Pratchett

Rings try to find their way back to their owner. Someone ought to write a book about it. — Terry Pratchett

Silk stockings. With garters. Well, they were out. There were a lot of things he'd do for Sybil, but if garters figured anywhere in the relationship they weren't going to be on him. — Terry Pratchett

Demons have existed on the Discworld for at least as long as the gods, who in many ways they closely resemble. The difference is basically the same as that between terrorists and freedom fighters. — Terry Pratchett

Many worlds are iron, at the core. But the Discworld is as coreless as a pancake. On the Disc, if you enchant a needle it will point to the Hub, where the magical field is strongest. It's simple. Elsewhere, on worlds designed with less imagination, the needle turns because of the love of iron. — Terry Pratchett

Er, why do you need to work in a dark room, though?" he said. "The imps don't need it, do they?"
"Ah, zis is for my experiment," said Otto proudly. "You know zat another term for an iconographer would be 'photographer'? From the old word photos in Latation, vhich means - "
"'To prance around like a pillock ordering everyone about as if you owned the place'", said William.
"Ah, you know it! — Terry Pratchett

The street was full of animals, milling around uncertainly. When animals are in a state of uncertainty they get nervous, and the street was already, as it were, paved with anxiety. — Terry Pratchett

The boldest of the three moved suddenly, grabbed Angua and pulled her upright. "We walk out of here unharmed or the girl gets it, all right?" he snarled.
Someone sniggered.
"I hope you're not going to kill anyone," said Carrot.
"That's up to us!"
"Sorry, was I talking to you?" said Carrot. — Terry Pratchett

We try to make guests feel welcome," said Dee, scuttling behind his desk. He pulled off his pointed hat and, to Vimes's amazement, put on a pair of thick smoked glasses.
"You had papers?" he said. Vimes handed them over.
"It says here "His Grace"," the dwarf said, after reading them for awhile.
"Yes, that's me."
"And there's a sir."
"That's me, too."
"And an excellency."
"'fraid so." Vimes narrowed his eyes. "I was blackboard monitor for awhile, too. — Terry Pratchett

Open your eyes and then open your eyes again. — Terry Pratchett

He sat back and drank the really horrible tea the dwarfs made. Just for a moment there was an unusual feeling on bliss. Strange word, he thought. It's one of those words that described something that does not make a noise but if it did make a noise would sound just like that. Bliss. It's like the sound of a soft meringue melting gently on a warm plate. — Terry Pratchett

Commander, I always used to consider that you had a definite anti-authoritarian streak in you."
"Sir?"
"It seems that you have managed to retain this even though you are authority."
"Sir?"
"That's practically zen. — Terry Pratchett

There was a hell for blasphemers. There was a hell for disputers of rightful authority. There were a number of hells for liars. There was probably a hell for little boys who wished their grandmothers were dead. There were more than enough hells to go around. — Terry Pratchett

You can't map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons? On the Discworld we know that There Be Dragons Everywhere. They might not all have scales and forked tongues, but they Be Here all right, grinning and jostling and trying to sell you souvenirs. — Terry Pratchett

That was a dhlang!" he said. "An evil spirit! The peasants down in the valleys hang up charms against them! But I thought they were just a superstition!"
"No, they're a substition," said Susan. "I mean they're real, but hardly anyone really believes them. Mostly everyone believes in things that aren't real. Something very strange is going on. Those things are all over the place, and they've got bodies. That's not right. We've got to find the person who built the clock - "
"And, er, what are you, Miss Susan?"
"Me? I'm ... a schoolteacher."
She followed his gaze to the wrench that she still carried in her hand, and shrugged.
"It can get pretty rough at break time, can it?" said Lobsang. — Terry Pratchett

HAVE YOU EVER BITTEN REDHOT ICE CUBE? THAT'S CURRY. — Terry Pratchett

There are no inconsistencies in the Discworld books; ocassionally, however, there are alternate pasts. — Terry Pratchett

I think I work much harder on the children's books. I suppose I enjoy that. I find it interesting that although there are more than 30 books in the Discworld series, it is the four that were written for children which have won the awards. I've never been quite certain why this is. — Terry Pratchett

But too much reading had taken its toll. William found that he now thought of prayer as a sophisticated way of pleading with thunderstorms. — Terry Pratchett

SOD YOU, THEN, Death said. — Terry Pratchett

Legitimate First watched them go as they walked away. Sergeant Colon felt he was being measured up.
"I've always wondered about his name," said Nobby, turning and waving. "I mean ... Legitimate?"
"Can't blame a mother for being proud, Nobby," said Colon. — Terry Pratchett

For a witch stands on the very edge of everything, between the light and the dark, between life and death, making choices, making decisions so that others may pretend no decisions have even been needed. Sometimes they need to help some poor soul through the final hours, help them to find the door, not to get lost in the dark. — Terry Pratchett

The tincture of night began to diffuse the soup of the afternoon.
Lord Vetinari considered the sentence, and found it good. He liked 'tincture' particularly. Tincture. Tincture. It was a distinguished word, and pleasantly countered by the flatness of 'soup'. Yes. In which may well be found the croutons of teatime. — Terry Pratchett

There was something pleasant about an empty classroom. Of course, as any teacher would point out, one nice thing was that there were no children in it. — Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett lives in England, an island off the coast of France, where he spends his time writing Discworld novels in accordance with the Very String Anthropic Principle, which holds that the entire Purpose of the Universe is to make possible a being that will live in England, an island off the coast of France, and spend his time writing Discworld novels. Which is exactly what he does. Which proves the whole business true. Any questions? — Terry Pratchett

Nanny Ogg gave this the same consideration as would a nuclear physicist who'd just been told that someone was banging two bits of sub-critical uranium together to keep warm. — Terry Pratchett

Never ask the tight-rope walker how he keeps his balance. if he stops to think about it, he falls off — Terry Pratchett

I like the idea of democracy. You have to have someone everyone distrusts, — Terry Pratchett

But William felt in his bones that you couldn't run a city on the basis of what the Watch liked. The Watch would probably like it if everyone spent their time indoors, with their hands on the table where people could see them. — Terry Pratchett

On the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists. — Terry Pratchett

What we're going to do is keep the peace. That's our job. We're not going to be heroes, we're just going to be ... normal. — Terry Pratchett

You have no power over us, said the Auditor. We are notalive.
BUT YOU ARE DEMONSTRATING ARROGANCE, PRIDE AND STUPIDITY. THESE ARE EMOTIONS. I WOULD SAY THEY ARE SIGNS OF LIFE.
"Excuse me?" said the shining figure in white.
But you are all alone here!
"Excuse me?"
YES? said Death. WHAT IS IT?
"This is the Apocalypse, yes?" said the shining figure petulantly.
WE ARE TALKING.
"Yes, right, but is it the Apocalypse? The actual end of the actual whole world?"
No, said the Auditor.
YES, said Death. IT IS.
"Great!" said the figure.
What? said the Auditor.
WHAT? said Death. — Terry Pratchett

A camel in distress isn't a shy creature. It doesn't hang around in bars, nursing a solitary drink. It doesn't phone up old friends and sob at them. It doesn't mope, or write long soulful poems about Life and how dreadful it is when seen from a bedsitter. It doesn't know what angst is. — Terry Pratchett

The plain old Sam Vimes had fought back. He got rid of most of the plumes and the stupid tights, and ended up with a dress uniform that at least looked as though its owner was male. But the helmet had gold decoration, and the bespoke armourers had made a new, gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armour. It was gilt by association. — Terry Pratchett

But why were there dryads at all? As far as he could recall, the tree people had died out centuries before. They had been out-evolved by humans, like most of the other Twilight Peoples. Only elves and trolls had survived the coming of Man to the discworld; the elves because they were altogether too clever by half, and the trollen folk because they were at least as good as humans at being nasty, spiteful and greedy. Dryads were supposed to have died out, along with gnomes and pixies. — Terry Pratchett

It was, he felt, a persistent flaw in his wife's otherwise practical and sensible character that she believed, against all evidence, that he was a man of many talents. He knew he had hidden depths. There was nothing in them that he'd like to see float to the surface. They contained things that should be left to lie. — Terry Pratchett

But the banging of the door as punctuation caused Tiffany to think and she thought suddenly, I want to do it my way. Not how the other witches think it should be done. I can't be Granny Weatherwax for them. I can only be me, Tiffany Aching. — Terry Pratchett

Cake is not the issue here. — Terry Pratchett