Dilbert Quotes & Sayings

My failed corporate career became the fodder for the 'Dilbert' comic. Once it became clear I would not be climbing any higher on the corporate ladder, it freed me to mock managers without worrying that it would stall my career. Most failures create some sort of unplanned freedom. I took full advantage of mine. — Scott Adams

After 'The Wonder Years,' I ended up having a voiceover career, which was something I never even knew was possible. But after the character I was playing on 'The Wonder Years,' people said, 'Oh, would you like to do a Burger King thing? And there's a 7 Up thing ... ' And then I got to do 'Dilbert.' I think my voice kind of fit for that. — Daniel Stern

Before 'Dilbert,' I tried to become a computer programmer. In the early days of computing, I bought this big, heavy, portable computer for my house. I spent two years nights and weekends trying to write games that I thought I would sell. Turns out I'm not that good a programmer, so that was two years that didn't work out. — Scott Adams

Dogbert gazing at night sky No matter how bad the day is, the stars are always there. Dilbert Actually, many of them burned out years ago, but their light is just now reaching earth. DogbertThank you for shattering my comfortable misconception. DilbertIt's the miracle of science. — Scott Adams

I'm like a Dilbert cartoon. — David Spade

Dilbert: Evolution must be true because it is a logical conclusion of the scientific method.
Dogbert: But science is based on the irrational belief that because we cannot perceive reality all at once, things called time and cause and effect exist.
Dilbert: That's what I was taught and that's what I believe.
Dogbert: Sounds cultish. — Scott Adams

I read the Bible when I was 12 while studying for my bar mitzvah. I was also reading a lot of Dilbert comics at the time, and I guess the two kind of got fused in my mind. I've always imagined God as an irrational, distractible boss. It's my best explanation for our planet. — Simon Rich

One Dilbert Blog reader noted that current research shows that happiness causes success more than success causes happiness. That makes sense to me. There's plenty of research about people having a baseline of happiness that doesn't vary much with circumstances. And given that happy people are typically optimistic, energetic, and fun to work with, I can see how happiness would lead to success. — Scott Adams

If the rest of your brain were conscious, it would probably regard you as the pointy-haired boss from Dilbert — Peter Watts

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. — Scott Adams

The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy.' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be that stabbin Dilbert guy. — Scott Adams

Then there's education. Do you know what the unemployment rate is for engineers? It is nearly zero. Do you know how many engineers like their jobs? Most of them do, despite what you read in Dilbert comics. — Scott Adams

Everybody is somebody's else's weirdo — Scott Adams

So you must have seen the article on them today."
"Not yet, but I was just about to take a break. Gotta have my Dilbert fix."
"Is that the one about the office? I was a Calvin and Hobbes fan for years. Hated to see that stop and haven't really gotten into any of the new ones. Guess I'm behind the times."
"You like what you like. Nothing wrong with that."
"That's what my wife says." De la Cruz's eyes drifted around again. "So, a couple people said both of them came into this club last night."
"Calvin and Hobbes? One was a kid and the other a tiger. Neither would have gotten past my bouncers."

-De La Cruz & Xhex — J.R. Ward

The Dilbert Principle: People are idiots. — Scott Adams

Dogbert to Dilbert
"My invention can detect human stupidity. It has a very simple interface. All I do is point it at people."
"Then what does it do?"
"Why would it need to do anything else? — Scott Adams

I think Dilbert is actually a radical strip. — Ted Rall

Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane. — Scott Adams

Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes ... no, wait ... — Scott Adams

Your shower is ready - I turned it on last night. — Scott Adams

Scott Adams is not only a world-famous cartoonist, he's also a world-class failure. And he's the first to admit it. In his new book, 'How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big,' the Dilbert creator explains how failure can lead to success if you develop the right skills to make the most of your mistakes. — Mark Frauenfelder

'Dilbert' became popular during the downsizing of the '90s, and job security was a major theme of the strip. — Scott Adams

I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened. — Scott Adams

Free will is an illusion. Humans are nothing but moist robots. — Scott Adams

Lately ... the Peter Principle has given way to the "Dilbert Principle." The basic concept of the Dilbert Principle is that the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. — Scott Adams

I should have written that down.
- Dilbert — Scott Adams

Dilbert: You joined the "Flat Earth Society?" Dogbert: I believe the earth must be flat. There is no good evidence to support the so-called "round earth theory." Dilbert: I think Christopher Columbus would disagree. Dogbert: How convenient that your best witness is dead. — Scott Adams

Dogbert: Scientists have discovered the gene that makes some people love golf.
Dilbert: How can they tell it's the golf gene?
Dogbert: It's plaid and it lies. — Scott Adams

Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly. — Scott Adams

I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else. — Scott Adams

Dilbert: It took weeks but I've calculated a new theory about the origin of the universe. According to my calculations it didn't start with a "Big Bang" at all-it was more of "Phhbwt" sound. You may be wondering about the practical applications of the "Little Phhbwt" theory. Dogbert: I was wondering when you'll go away. — Scott Adams