Darynda Jones Charley Davidson Quotes & Sayings

I can hear other things, too. Before you came around, I had no idea a man could make a girl scream like that. Reyes seems very talented. — Darynda Jones

We stood there, the three of us, our jaws firmly planted on the floor. Aunt Lil recovered first. She nudged me with her elbow and said with a cackle of delight, I think you guys should make some more of those brownies, 'cause that boy looks hungry. — Darynda Jones

You realize that by summoning me here, you signed your own death warrant." Demons were nothing to take lightly. I'd seen what they were capable of, but I also knew they were no match against the light that shone inside me. "I do," it said, and I fought to place the language we were speaking. I knew it was ancient. Possibly the first language ever spoken in the universe. "Unless we sign yours first." "Is that what you think will happen here?" "Dutch," Reyes said into my ear, "stop playing with your dinner. — Darynda Jones

Time-out," I said. He twisted his hand around and wound his fingers into mine. "You're putting me in time-out?"
"Yes," I said as a shaky sigh slid through my lips.
"If I don't go, do I get a spanking? — Darynda Jones

We should date."
I laughed, curled him into my arms, and kissed the soft spot underneath his earlobe. "You're going to have to go to obedience school for that to happen. You have authority issues."
"Never mind. We should have sex again and then date."
"Since you put it that way, okay. — Darynda Jones

Having Reyes so near is painful. I think it has apoplexy."
"Do you even know what that means?"
"No, but it sounds serious. Like Ebola. Or hives — Darynda Jones

There is a fine line between love and hate, or haven't you heard? Sometimes it's hard to decipher exactly which emotion is strongest."
I raised my chin. "I don't love you either."
He lowered his head and watched me from underneath his dark lashes. "Are you certain? Because the emotion pouring out of you every time I'm near you is certainly not disinterest."
"That doesn't mean it's love."
"It could be, I promise you. Take off that sweater and give me ten minutes, and you'll believe beyond a shadow of a doubt you're in love. — Darynda Jones

And who came up with the animals for these euphemisms, anyway? Why bat shit? Why not cow shit or grasshopper shit? And why don't we give a rat's ass as opposed to a hamster's ass? — Darynda Jones

Suddenly I'm that chick from Fatal Attraction. Next thing you know, I'll be boiling rabbits. — Darynda Jones

I should've known the day was going to turn out bad when it started with my father trying to kill me — Darynda Jones

I didn't realize until I locked the door to my apartment and leaned against it, panting that my cheeks were covered in frozen tears. I was such an idiot. And my heart hurt. Bad. Every beat sent an ache rocketing through my body. I was having a heart attack. Or, more likely, my heart had just broken. — Darynda Jones

He had given me so much information, I wanted some time to absorb it all, but I didn't want to leave him. Not like this. Not ever, as long as I lived. Or until I had to get back on the case. Whichever came first. — Darynda Jones

My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.
- Charley Davidson — Darynda Jones

Rey'azikeen."
He'd offered me one last glance and winked a microsecond before he was gone. — Darynda Jones

I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations. — Darynda Jones

I climbed into Misery and called Uncle Bob. "We hooking up?"
"Why does everything out of your mouth make me sound incestuous?"
"Um, I wasn't aware that it did. Perhaps you have a guilty conscience."
"Charley."
"Is there something you need to get off your chest? Besides that skank I saw you with the other day? — Darynda Jones

Hey, I'm going to Super Dog for a quick bite and to pass along a message from a dead guy to his girlfriend. You should come with me."
"I can't go with you."
"Is it because of my questionable morals?"
"No, it's because it's three o'clock in the afternoon and I have to pick up Amber from school."
"Oh, right. So the morals thing doesn't bother you? — Darynda Jones

What other secrets are you hiding behind those sparkling eyes?"
He grinned. "You have my heart. That's where I hide all my secrets."
"Then I guess I don't have the key."
"Are you kidding? You forged the key. — Darynda Jones

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought. — Darynda Jones

And you practically raped that biker guy, which, by the way, what the fuck was that about? Scraping the bottom of the barrel there, Charles."
"And that barrel is hot." I looked down at Artemis. "And Donovan's genuine. He would sell me to the highest bidder for a carburetor, and we both know it. — Darynda Jones

A split second later, my life flashed before my eyes, and I came to one important conclusion about it.
It was fun while it lasted. — Darynda Jones

I looked up into the glittering depths of his mahagony irises. A soft line had formed between his brows as he studied me, and I realized for the thousandth time I could not read him. Not like I could most people. I felt emotion roiling within him, but i was jumbled, chaotic, a mixture of desire and concern and regret. — Darynda Jones

Is that what you think? That I follow you around to keep your ass out of trouble?"
"If so, you're not very good at your job."
A huge smile spread across his face. "True enough. So what's eating you? Because, sadly, it's not me. — Darynda Jones

My real mom died when I was born - hemorrhaged to death while giving birth to
me, which has never been one of my favorite memories - and Dad married Denise before I'd turned a year. Without even asking my opinion on the
matter. Denise and I never really clicked. — Darynda Jones

There was nothing like a trip to the gynecologist to make one feel just a little violated.
Charley — Darynda Jones

I was like a small but devastating plague upon humanity. — Darynda Jones

Reyes and I sat arm in arm in the back of the rented SUV. He seemed relieved. Happy. — Darynda Jones

Charley talking to Cookie
'You know those women in nursing homes that have to be restrained around the clock because they mix up everyones medication and steal all the bedpans?'

'Yes' I said wondering what I was walking into

'That's going to be you!'

She was probably right, if I live that long — Darynda Jones

SARC- is my second favorite -ASM word — Darynda Jones

She reached up and curled her fingers into mine. "He should take you to dinner."
To say that the mere thought horrified me would have been a grievous understatement. I threw up a little in my mouth then swallowed hard.
I told Taft when I recovered, "Just please, for the love of God, find a girl good enough to take home to your mother. And do it soon."
"And stop dating skanks. — Darynda Jones

I knew it!" she said, glaring at me. "You're in league with the devil." "Duh. I'm affianced to him. Or, well, his son. I guess that makes me 'in league' with him, but you can't judge people by their in-laws. In-laws are all crazy. Everyone knows that. — Darynda Jones

My plans often went awry. Much like my thoughts. Hold the phones. Maybe Saan had ADD, too. It would explain a lot. — Darynda Jones

I don't think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated. - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

The dreams continue for over a month. Each reveals a new facet of her personality. One night, she is wild and unpredictable. The next, she is shy or giggly or coy. She laughs and growls and bites and sucks. — Darynda Jones

The point is, stories can be all lengths. Never underestimate the power of less is more. — Darynda Jones

I noticed you tore down Donovan's house."
He lifted his gaze until it locked with mine. "He's alive because he left town. His house chose to stay. It paid the price. — Darynda Jones

I could've knocked the shit out of her .She'd have good reason to roll her eyes then. But knocking the shit out of rude people wasn't my style. Heckling them every chance I got was.
Hopefully she'd screw up soon. I didn't have all day. — Darynda Jones

It pained me to imagine who she would have become, given the chance. For the life to be ripped away from someone so young just seemed so terribly, terribly unfair. "Because you're going to die soon." On second thought, maybe she was better off. Away from other people and most sharp objects. I had a sneaking suspicion she would have become a serial killer. Or a telemarketer. Either way. — Darynda Jones

Where the hell did my bones go? I asked. This whole upright thing had me stumped. — Darynda Jones

The dead guy looked at me with wide eyes. "I can't move my legs."
I snorted. "You can't move your arms either, or your feet or your freaking eyelids. You're dead. — Darynda Jones

A wicked grin crinkled one corner of his mouth as he secured another sticky note on the door before shutting it in my face.
I blinked, then read the note.
Use the key. — Darynda Jones

She blinked at me, then realized I was panicking. Honestly, it was like admitting to murder before being interrogated.
"Ms. Davidson," she began, but I decided to trip her up, to throw her off the trail of blood I'd left like an injured animal.
"I don't speak English. — Darynda Jones

Are you ready?" she asked, whispering. "Ready as a drunk virgin on prom night. — Darynda Jones

And just how, exactly, do you feed off the souls of humans? Is it like a vitamin-deficiency thing? — Darynda Jones

Apparently, this really was Kill Charley Davidson Week. Or at least Horribly Maim Her ... It would probably never get government recognition, though, destined to be underappreciated like Halloween or Thesaurus Day. — Darynda Jones

Is there anything else you want to share?" "Anything you think of I should be aware of?"
"No" I shook my head in thought " Not especially. Unless you count the fact that I'm going to take over the world."
"The whole thing?"
"Well,i'm going to try to take over the world."
"And you feel you're prepared for world domination?"
I lifted a noncommittal shoulder "I'm taking a business class — Darynda Jones

There's another part, an obstinate part, that wants more. That wants Dutch live and in the flesh. That wants her hand. Her mouth. Her hips under mine. It wants all of her. Every last ounce. Body and soul. — Darynda Jones

Keep Reading.
Keep Writing.
Keep Pushing yourself!
And never stop learning!
We writerly types have to stick together mostly because everybody else thinks we're "weird". — Darynda Jones

You know, I was thinking about my in-laws." I strolled closer, craving his heat. And his scent. And the power that continuously hummed through him like an infinite source of energy. "You know, from your supernatural side? By being married to you, I am Satan's daughter-in-law, Jehova's sister-in-law, and Jesus's aunt by marriage. — Darynda Jones

You either fainted or you wanted a much closer look at the cracks in the tile. Either way, you hit hard."
"Seriously?"
He nodded. "Maybe you shouldn't have been trying to make out with him," he suggested.
How did he know that? "I was kissing him good-bye."
He snorted and exchanged glances with the nurse. "That's not what it looked like to me."
Probably not. But what happened? Could Reyes Farrow take control over me even from a freaking coma? I was doomed. — Darynda Jones

Cookie&Charley Coffee moments:
"You did your dishes with shampoo?"
"It was either that or my apricot body scrub."
"No, good call. A little shampoo won't hurt you. — Darynda Jones

A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same. — Darynda Jones

I was just passing by. Saw the commotion. Figured you were involved. — Darynda Jones

Honestly, he acted as though he didn't like me anymore. Wait, maybe he didn't. "Do you still like me?"
"I never liked you."
Oh, right. He had a point.
Garreth & Charley — Darynda Jones

I soaked him in. His image. His scent. His feel.
He pulled me to him. Dipped his head. Pressed his mouth to mine in a kiss I could only hope would not be our last. — Darynda Jones

Cookie saw him, too. "Holy mother of all things sexy," she said, her eyes drinking him in.
"Right there with ya. — Darynda Jones

Carson," she said when she picked up. I liked it. Clear. Concise. To the point.
I decided to try it myself. "Davidson."
A loud sigh filtered to me. "Charley, you called me. You can't just say Davidson."
"What are you, the phone greeting police? — Darynda Jones

Holy mother of banana cream pie. They had pictures. — Darynda Jones

In three hundred feet, turn right, Darth Vader said. The Darth Vader. I felt like we were friends now. Like I could tell him anything. — Darynda Jones

Garrett must have sensed I was awake. "Hey Detective," he said to Uncle Bob, who was now trudging across the grating toward us. "I think we're losing her. I have no choice but to perform mouth-to-mouth."
"Don't you dare," I said, my lids still in lockdown. — Darynda Jones

It would be a miracle to solve this case. Luckily, I believed in miracles. No, wait, that was testicles. I believed in testicles. — Darynda Jones

I think you need to water your plants," Garrett [Swopes, PI]called out to me [Charley Davidson, Grim Reaper and PI].
"Oh, they're fake." He was looking at the plants I had along my windowsill. Either that or my mold problem was getting out of hand. After a long pause I heard, "Those are fake?"
"Yeah, I had to make them look real. A little spray paint, a little lighter fluid, and voila! Fake dying plants."
"Why would you want fake dying plants?" he asked.
"Because if they were all thick and healthy-looking, anyone who knows me would realise they were fake."
"Yeah, but is that really the point?"
"Duh. — Darynda Jones

Charley's "FOR THE LOVE OF":
"Oh,FOR THE LOVE OF gravy"
"Just be honest with me, FOR THE LOVE OF applesauce, Gemma."
"But FOR THE LOVE OF marinara, I typed, don't shoot anyone. — Darynda Jones

Okay, I'll strip. I'll tap dance. I'll sing 'La Cucaracha' in C minor. — Darynda Jones

I watched as Reyes fell, a scream I couldn't hear wrenched from my throat as I waited for him to do something. For him to react. To save himself. It was Reyes, after all. He could do anything. — Darynda Jones

I thought you were mad at me." "I am." "Well, I make it a rule never to have sex with anyone who's mad at me." He arched a brow. "It's a wonder you've ever had sex at all. — Darynda Jones

I caused more trouble than gonorrhea. — Darynda Jones

Our relationship was a lot like underwear in a dryer without a static control sheet. One minute we were floating through life, buoyant and carefree. The next we were attached at the crotch — Darynda Jones

You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn't. You're not nearly as muscular. — Darynda Jones

No," she said with a soft chuckle. "I'm afraid he will sever the spine of any boy who breaks our girl's heart."
"Oh," I said, relief flooding me. But she had an incredibly well thought-out point. — Darynda Jones

I was busy perusing the suicide notes and waiting for Belvedere's water to finish its treatment when I heard a thud from Cookie's office. Then a mousy squeak. The a throaty moan.
"Cookie," I said, wiggling my fingers at Belvedere to get him acquainted to with our strange ways, "are you masturbating?"
"No, I got a paper cut."
Oh, I didn't see that coming. — Darynda Jones

Any said by "Charley Davidson" is my favorite! — Darynda Jones

Do you really think you'd go to hell?"
"No. As a god, I'd go to a prison dimension, I suppose."
"I think you've seen the inside of enough prisons to last you a few million years. And besides, why would you go there? You've done nothing wrong, Reyes."
He offered me a sad smile and looked away. — Darynda Jones

I think I met your friend Charley."
"You ... did? When?"
"When I looked in the mirror this morning."
She stood in disbelief for a moment. Then astonishment. Then doubt. Then hope. Then wariness. Aka, the five stages of Cookie. — Darynda Jones

NOPE. CAN'T GO TO HELL.SATAN STILL HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME. — Darynda Jones

Surely my macking on some guy in an insane asylum wouldn't hurt him. He'd been living with his stalker, for heaven's sake. — Darynda Jones

There must be a special, less volcanic portion of hell that was partitioned off and set aside for people who weren't all bad, just a little vindictive. They could call it the drama queen ward. It would be a huge hit. — Darynda Jones

And he was damned nice to look at, even when he scowled. In fact, if I were totally honest, that scowl only added to the allure that was Reyes Farrow. Damn it. When I scowled, I looked constipated. Leave it to the son of Satan to turn a scowl into the stuff of fantasies. — Darynda Jones

Where have you been?"
I stepped into my apartment and met Uncle Bob's glare with one of my own. "Out trying to pass myself off as a movie producer to get hot guys to sleep with me. Where have you been? — Darynda Jones

According to this, it's not the Twelve that is going to be the undoing of the Daughter of Light, but the Thirteenth Warrior." "Antonio Banderas is going to be my undoing? I'm rife with anticipation. — Darynda Jones

The regular I both feared and salivated to see was names Reyes Farrow. Where others exuded aggression, deception, and insecurity, he literally dripped confidence, sex, and power. Mostly sex. — Darynda Jones

Uncle Bob answered, his tone brusque. "What have you got?"
"Besides great boobs?" I asked.
"On the case."
He was so testy. — Darynda Jones

But, you're his son," I said, trying really hard to hate him. "You're the son of Satan. Literally."
"And you are the stepdaughter of Denise Davidson."
Wow. That was a bit harsh, but, "Okay, point taken. — Darynda Jones

I had yet to be a mother, but I would have thought it difficult to forget something it took thirty-seven hours of excruciating pain to push out from between my legs ~Charley Davidson — Darynda Jones

Have you slept yet?'
'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.'
'Didn't you drive there?'
'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.'
- Charley & Cookie — Darynda Jones

I was more than willing to put aside the Charley Davidson Book of Etiquette and Mud Wrestling if it resulted in earth-shattering orgasms. — Darynda Jones

For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked. — Darynda Jones

I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly — Darynda Jones

Sometimes I crave pickles. Other times I crave the blood of my enemy. Weird. - CHARLEY DAVIDSON — Darynda Jones

Did you look at the memo?"
"What memo? We're getting memos now?"
"I sent a memo a week ago. I've been sending you a memo every week with a list of all the updates and my notes on all our cases for weeks now."
Holy cow. Missed the boat on that one. "Oh, those memos. I totally knew that."
"You're not even reading them, are you?"
"I thought they were optional."
Note to self: Stop making paper airplanes out of Cookie's memos. — Darynda Jones

That's the thing about things. They tend to happen. — Darynda Jones

I am sorry," I whispered to Reyes.
He wrapped his long fingers around my neck and buried his face in my hair. He smelled like a lightening storm. His emotions electricity. His body the desert after a rain. Fresh. Starkly beautiful. Dangerous.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his breath on my neck.
"I am now. — Darynda Jones

Did you catch the time-of-great-suffering thing?"
Her expression softened. "Can you just make sure I'm not around when it happens?"
"No can do," I said, strolling back to my office with a negating wave of my hand. "If I have to suffer, then so does everyone else within a ten-mile radius."
She pursed her lips. "What ever happened to taking one for the team?"
"Was never much of a team player."
"Sacrificing yourself for the greater good?"
"Not that into human sacrifice."
"Suffering in silence?"
I stopped and turned back to her, my eyes narrowing accusingly. "If I have to suffer, I'll be screaming your name at the top of my lungs the whole time. You'll be able to hear me all the way to Jersey, mark my words."
- Charley to Cookie — Darynda Jones

If he didn't hate me so much and he wasn't an evil supernatural being, I'd be on him like black on Cookie's toast.
That woman could not make toast. — Darynda Jones

He's an enigma wrapped up in sensuality padlocked with a dozen chains of desire and topped off with a razor-sharp ribbon of danger. There are more layers to him than a billionaire's wedding cake. — Darynda Jones

Every night in my dreams, a man appeared from the darkest recesses of my mind, as if he'd been waiting for me to fall asleep. His mouth, full, masculine, would sear my flesh. His tongue, like flames across my skin, would send tiny sparks quaking through my body. Then he would dip south, and the heavens would open and a chorus singing hallelujah would ring out in perfect harmony. — Darynda Jones

I have them a few minutes to absorb everything while I teased Ubie, who only had to recover from his near-death experience. I was so glad Reyes hadn't ripped him to shreds. I liked him much better un-shredded. Unlike, say, my preference for lettuce or heavy metal guitar solos. — Darynda Jones

You are the worst greeter in the history of greeters ever. In the history. Of time. And greeters." "Greeter? You think I'm a greeter?" Talk about a demotion. "Yes. To the other side?" She pointed up. "Dude, calling me a greeter is like calling Saint Peter a ticket taker. — Darynda Jones

The rush of adrenaline helped. Not a lot. I still needed a caffeine fix, but at least I was awake enough to realize I quite possibly had my underwear on inside out. Something didn't feel right down yonder. — Darynda Jones

Gemma was so determined for me to deal with my PTSD, but I thought I was doing pretty well with it. We were friends now. I had my incontinence under control — Darynda Jones