Dark Humor Love Quotes & Sayings

...I could feel her burrowing into my heart. I didn't know if the burrowing was like a kitten cuddling up to its mother or if it was like a chigger depositing its larvae underneath the skin of my ankles. — Jason Porter

Ariadne made an impression on you, and that's great. But life is not literature. Sooner or later, the spell wears off, the romantic feelings disappear, and you're left watching somebody's body disintegrate. You start with a love story, you end up manacled to an hourglass, watching the sands run out. — Paul Murray

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

You can't push me away, mio cuore. You can't! — Olga Goa

I make love like never, only less often. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Do not mock my baby." He pulls away and strokes his palm over he seat. "She was my first love."
"Well your current ... er ... girl, is getting jealous with all the attention you're paying your first love, and she has orifices you can stick things in without having your boy bits burnt off."
He pulls me into him again and his mouth goes to work on my neck. "Fuck I love it when you talk dirty. — Carmen Jenner

I work at the deli counter. Have to give people their succulent, chemical-ridden salami and whatnot.'

I pictured Miles in a dark room, standing at a butcher's block with a large knife in one hand, a blood cow's leg steadied under the other, a huge Cheshire grin spreading over his face--

'I bet the customers love you,' I said. — Francesca Zappia

I had a dream about you. You were you, but you were many - a multitude of mannequins, each named Manny. And I was me, but I was Dark Jar Tin Zoo, and as such I made love to you - all of you. Then I woke up alone, naked, cuddling a mannequin I named after you who smells like you, because I spray it with the same fragrance you used to wear. Is that crazy? No, I didn't think so either. — Dora J. Arod

To love women, to love our vaginas, to know them and touch them and be familiar with who we are and what we need. To satisfy ourselves, to teach our lovers to satisfy us, to be present in our vaginas, to speak of them out loud, to speak of their hunger and pain and loneliness and humor, to make them visible so they cannot be ravaged in the dark without great consequence, so that our center, our point, our motor, our dream, is no longer detached, mutilated, numb, broken, invisible, or ashamed. — Eve Ensler

If I could bronze my love, it'd be worthy of a silver medal. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she didn't have enough time to have sex with me. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I am girl overboard.
But you do make drowning fun. — Casey Renee Kiser

I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she'd never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay. — Olga Goa

It's just like in a Brazilian serial! Destiny has brought us together. — Olga Goa

It's better to be loved than feared, but if you can't be loved, then fear will do.-Dino quoting Machiavelli — Laurell K. Hamilton

Ah, yes- 'God is love' and all that rot. Tell me, have you ever really stopped to think about what that means? Love is cruel. Love is vicious. Love inspires people to kill, to maim, to torture. Love ruins lives, fells cities, destroys civilizations. If you ask me, love's not all it's cracked up to be. But then, you shouldn't have to ask me - you should only have to reflect on where love has gotten you. - Lilith — Chris Holm

Don't love the job kid. The Job is a whore, and she won't love you back. — James J. Kavanaugh

Stop smiling as if I've been acquainted with you for ages! — Olga Goa

So, sweeting, why were you threatening to throw Tate out of the house? What did he say?"
Leather brushed her chin as he tipped it up. Serious dark eyes met hers. "What did he say?"
She glanced around; surely the footmen were too far away to hear. "He wanted to join us in our bed."
"I'll run him through."
"No! Perhaps he only said it to goad you into a duel. Perhaps it was intended as a way to kill you."
"It was an insult to you, love. That can't be ignored."
"And so you rush inexorably toward death. I don't care if he stands on a Drury Lane stage and calls me a courtesan, I won't have you risking your life. — Sharon Page

As if reading her mind, he leaned into her again, pupils dark, irises glowing like a forest caught in the last rays of sun before dusk ... "Do you want me to make you come?"
"Is that a trick question? — Dianna Hardy

If she had been a normal female, she would have swooned. But she was not normal, never had been.
"Good grief, you are impossibly handsome," she said breathlessly. "I vow, I have never experienced the like. For an instant, my brain stopped altogether. I must say, my lord, you do clean up well. But next time, I wish you would call out a warning before you come into view, and give me a chance to brace myself for the onslaught."
Something dark flickered in his eyes. Then a corner of his hard mouth quirked up. "Miss Adams, you have an interesting - a unique - way with a compliment."
The trace of a smile disoriented her further. "It is a unique experience," she said. "I never knew my brain to shut off before, not while I was full awake. I wonder if the phenomenon has been scientifically documented and what physiological explanation has been proposed. — Loretta Chase

I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn't talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Behind all the dark humor, Bill was talking about the same things I'd read in Joseph Campbell. If you look at things, really look, if you lift the veil, you start to recognize that light is love, is infinite, is unconditional. Bill was saying that once you understand the nature of nature, you can let go of difficulties and sign on for the ride - knowing that it's just a ride. And — Maynard James Keenan

I swear I won't touch you even with a finger until you ask me yourself. — Olga Goa

His dark eyes searched her face. "But you love me," he said finally.
She had no reason to deny it. Ileni lifted her shoulders. "I'll recover. — Leah Cypess

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love isn't two matching unicycles. Love is a bicycle - and mine just got stolen. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

If your parents left you, it doesn't mean that other people will also do it to you. — Olga Goa

I love the movie "Titanic." It's my favorite romantic comedy! — Troy Bisson

I really love middle-grade. Middle-grade books have a little more of a magical, light-hearted feel. You can be a little bit more quirky, you can have a little more humor. It doesn't get so dark and deep. — James Dashner

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am! — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I love those dark moments in Peanuts. I love that they're in there, that Charles Schulz put the sad lonely bits of himself into the comic. I love the silliness too, the dancing Snoopy strips. The little boy Rerun drawing "basement" comics about Tarzan fighting Daffy Duck in a helicopter. Those are the bits that keep me reading. The funny parts! The fun parts. The silly bits that don't make any sense. And when I get to the sad lonely Peppermint Patty standing in a field wondering why nobody shook hands and said "good game," well, it works because that's not all she was. I try to think that way about everything. That's the kind of person I want to be. — Joey Comeau

I love like I'm thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand? — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

If you go on touching me, I'll catch fire before your eyes. — Olga Goa

My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Great love
the kind that illumines and transforms us
always includes a keen awareness of limitation as well. Though love may inspire us to expand and develop in new ways, we can never be all things to the one we love, or someone other than who we are. Yet once accepted, limitation also helps us develop essential qualities, such as patience, determination, compassion, and humor. When love comes down to earth
bringing to light those dark corners we would prefer to ignore, encompassing all the different parts of who we are
it gains depth and power. — John Welwood

The words of men cannot be trusted, especially men like you! — Olga Goa

Love is the point where Yes meets Yesterday, and that's why I put the No in Now. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

My love's got a lot of love to give. Unfortunately, she gives none of it to me. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I could lose myself forever in that dark hair and those sweet love handles. — Vera Brosgol

I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it's a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I glanced up at the trees too.
Dead. Every one of them gray and white, needles rusted, leaves shriveled at the tips of branches. All the life sucked out of them. Not just the trees. All the plants, ferns, grasses and brush were shriveled, brown, barren.
As if a month of winter had set down right here in my driveway and gone on a killing spree.
...
"Love what you've done with the landscape," Cody said. "You could open your own business, you know."
...
"The hell you talking about, Miller?" I asked Cody.
"Yard care. You're poison and weed whacker all in one. You can call it Death to All Shrubbery. — Devon Monk

I'm giving pleasure to you. Don't interfere. — Olga Goa

I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Don't go looking for boys in the dark
They will say pretty things then
leave you with scars.
Do go looking for boys in the park
For that is where the true gentlemen are. — Anna Godbersen

I make love like farm equipment - not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can't tell it. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Forget everything that surrounds you. Think that there's just you and me in this wide world. — Olga Goa

I have not looked at Carlos since the meeting ... Being around him is like walking around with the flu ... The need to lie down in a darkened room and let my hatred of him run through me is almost insurmountable. — Kathleen Maher

Love is a madness. Love is Failer - Durzo Blint — Brent Weeks

Scusi mia bella*, but it runs in the blood of all Italians to be skillful lovers. So you have to get used to this. — Olga Goa

Don't be shy, dear. I'm too old for you to be embarrassed by me. — Olga Goa

Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I love dark humor that crosses the line and makes you say, 'That's so wrong!' And that's 'Family Guy' to me. — Elena Satine

She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It's kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn't listening. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

The more fucked up you are, the more I like you. As long as you've managed to hold onto your identity through all the shit, then it won't matter how twisted you are. I will love you more for it. — Ashly Lorenzana

Audrey didn't understand Piper's obsession with Erik. Yes, he was insanely gorgeous, with dark hair and dark sexy eyes, but he gave off a dick vibe. Piper was such a sweet and funny girl, and Audrey really didn't think they would be good together. But apparently Erik Titov did it for Piper, and who was she to question it? She herself was in love with an ass-hat and lusting over a child. She was in no place to judge anyone on their lusty needs. — Toni Aleo

You're very naive and innocent, and don't understand a lot of things yet. — Olga Goa

Please, please be some sex-starved nutcase who wants to kidnap me and make me your love slave, I begged silently. — Cate Tiernan

I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil). — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

If you were three times poor, I would still have paid attention to you and fell head over heels in love with you. — Olga Goa

I love 'Dexter.' The dark sense of humor is wonderful. — Stephen J. Cannell

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

And you haven't got a 'pause' button, have you? You are just uncontrollable! — Olga Goa

I cannot believe that you're still a girl. Your kisses don't seem that innocent. They are driving me crazy. — Olga Goa

When I asked my da how ye knew which was the right woman, he told me when the time came, I'd have no doubt. And I didn't. When I woke in the dark under that tree on the road to Leoch, with you sitting on my chest, cursing me for bleeding to death, I said to myself 'Jamie Fraser, for all ye canna see what she looks like, and for all she weights as much as a good draft horse, this is the woman. — Diana Gabaldon

I'm afraid that if we move on to such topics, I won't be able to let you go safe and sound. — Olga Goa

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Alan shrugged. "I love the CBC, really, but being voted its president - " "Co-president," Sputnik corrected. " - is kind of like being declared King of Nerds." "Co-king," Sputnik asserted. — J.M. Richards

Now, I did know a certain young lady of the 'romantic' generation of not so long ago who, after being mysteriously in love for several years with a certain gentleman whom she could have married at any time without the least difficulty, suddenly broke off their relationship, inventing for herself all manner of insurmountable obstacles, and one stormy night plunged from a high, precipitous cliff into a fairly deep and fast-flowing river, where she perished from her own caprice solely through her attempt to imitate Shakespeare's Ophelia, for, had the precipice, which she had long before singled out and been compulsively drawn to, been less picturesque, and had there been only a prosaically flat bank in its stead, perhaps there would have been no suicide at all. — Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way - contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I need only you, Milano, not your money. — Olga Goa

The idea of one's normality is delusional fact of the reality. — J. Limbu

Let us be, then, warriors of the heart, and enlist in our inner cause the virtues we have acquired through blood and sweat in the sphere of conflict - courage, patience, selflessness, loyalty, fidelity, self-command, respect for elders, love of our comrades (and of the enemy), perseverance, cheerfulness in adversity and a sense of humor, however terse or dark. — Steven Pressfield

Eve: "If you ended up naked and dead with another woman, I'd do the Rumba on your corpse."
Roarke: "You can't do the Rumba."
Eve: "I'd take lessons first."
Roarke: "You might very well. Not that you'll ever get the chance, but you'd also grieve."
Eve: "Wouldn't give you the satisfaction. You cheating f-wit putz. "
Roarke: "You'd weep in the dark and call my name."
Eve: "Call your name alright. How are things in hell? You dickless bastard. And I'd laugh and laugh, that's how I'd call your name."
Roarke: "Christ Jesus Eve, I love you."
Eve, Roarke — J.D. Robb

Across from us, Lia eyed our hands and then brought her own to her forehead in a melodramatic motion. "I'm a dark and angsty profiler," she intoned. "No," she countered in a falsetto, bringing her other hand up, "I'm a dark and angsty profiler. Ours is a star-crossed love. — Jennifer Lynn Barnes

Love is photogenic, it develops in the dark. — Lorraine Gokul

Relationships are ropes. Love is a noose. - Durzo Blint — Brent Weeks

He's like six hundred years younger than you are. I refuse to be the moral compass of our cell! Most weekends I have an intoxispell bong attached to my mouth like a respirator. I love scatological humor, and I list 'pranks involving nuclear waste' and 'making demons eat things' as my hobbies. — Kresley Cole

We made love like green is blue. That's because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

In the end, we all die for what we believe in... mostly because we all die. — Nazareth Bergeron

( ... ) it seemed to me exceedingly peculiar that a man should love flowers as well as opium - and yet I see now that there is no contradiction in this, for are they not perhaps both a means to a kind of intoxication ? Could it not even be said that one might lead inevitably to the other ? — Amitav Ghosh

I think the word 'pleasure' is unknown to you. More precisely, its practical meaning. — Olga Goa

I love dark humor. I love things that are so grounded in life, but just happen to be just a little bit twisted because my sense of humor is a little bit twisted. I love jokes that shouldn't be funny, but are. Those types of things just really make me laugh. — Rockmond Dunbar

She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo