Crude Humor Quotes & Sayings

Good plan," Freddy was saying. "Let's get some decent sleep. Tomorrow we can shake our gravy asses into town and do some sluething. — Ali Sparkes

. Despite the considerable horror they had felt when the SA men were bellowing crude anti-Semitic slogans, in retrospect the joke-tellers were very much aware of the boycott's inherent absurdity:
A city on the Rhine during the boycott: SA men stand in front of Jewish businesses and "warn" passers-by against entering them. Nonetheless, a woman tries to go into a knitting shop.
An SA man stops her and says, "Hey, you. Stay outside. That's a Jewish shop!"
"So?" replies the woman. "I'm Jewish myself."
The SA man pushes her back. "Anyone can say that! — Rudolph Herzog

Then I guess the rest of my life will be resigned to doggy style sex." The words were out of my mouth before I could think about them. "I mean however long ... when we're ... that wasn't a fucking proposal."
"Okay."
"Don't smile that. Smugness doesn't become you."
"Okay."
"Scoot the fuck over. You're hogging the bed."
Austin and Peter. :') — Dani Alexander

[Science] works! Planes fly. Cars drive. Computers compute. If you base medicine on science, you cure people. If you base the design of planes on science, they fly. If you base the design of rockets on science, they reach the moon. It works ... bitches. — Richard Dawkins

I will say one thing about those males, there is never a dull moment." Peri suddenly appeared causing everyone to jump.
"Bloody hell," Jen barked.
"Couldn't you send out some sort of signal that you're about to appear out of thin air?" Lilly asked.
"What do you expect me to do ... fart just before I appear so the smell alerts you?" Peri took a seat next to Alina and crossed her legs, appearing regal despite her crude words.
"Why do you say we would be alerted by the smell, rather than the sound?" Sally asked.
Peri smiled. "I think you humans call them silent but deadly. — Quinn Loftis

I've always told my kids, when it comes to humor, go for the comical not the crude and coarse. You can tell an amazing story without dragging people through the muck. — Kenneth Wayne Wood

Sure, there is an undeniable pleasure in rooting for a winning team and in being able to look down on opposing fans with equal measures of superiority and disdain. But that's also the Ruthian drawback in rooting for the Yankees (along with high ticket prices, overpriced concessions and crude neighbors). The true pleasure in sports comes not from simply winning but from watching a team overcome adversity to win in the end. The joy of sports is never the final destination, it's the journey. It's experiencing the highs and lows, and appreciating those highs all the more because of the awful lows. — Jim Caple

You see more than most people," Mikhail said. "You are a great asset to me, Raven."
She shook her head, sitting up as well, her long hair sliding over her breasts like a cape. "Not yet, but I hope to be. Send for Jacques. But go feed before you see him. You made me weak with your lovemaking, and if you'll forgive a little crude Carpathian humor, I'll expect you to bring me home dinner."
Startled, he stared at her. For a long moment there was silence, and then they both burst out laughing. — Christine Feehan

You see I've been taking these tests to tell when I'm ovulating and when I'm mostfertile. And well ... it's now."
"Oh, so you came up here for a fuck?"
Emma cringed. "Do you always have to be so crude?"
He chuckled. "I'm sorry. Would you prefer I call it an afternoon delight?" he teased. — Katie Ashley

Fear and shame are the backbone of my self-control. They are my source of inspiration, my insurance against becoming entirely unacceptable. They help me do the right thing. And I am terrified of what I would be without them. Because I suspect that, left to my own devices, I would completely lose control of my life. I'm still hoping that perhaps someday I'll learn how to use willpower like a real person, but until that very unlikely day, I will confidently battle toward adequacy, wielding my crude skill set of fear and shame. — Allie Brosh

If cheese was a woman, I'd marry her. I'd come home and eat her every night. — Solange Nicole

No. This was a crude and adolescent way of talking to the fairer gender, it rarely works. When it does work, the woman that falls for it isn't even suitable for a satisfying sexual encounter. A good way to weed out the poor decisions and unacceptable mistakes though, and a better way to catch a horrible case of the dick rot. Trial and error. A few hit points missing is better for skill gain anyway. — J.C. Wickhart

Everything is possible in America, except the production of intelligence. — Mie Hansson

Tru only matched his grin and walked on. Pen caught up with him, tugging on his arm. "What is it?"
"I took a walk yesterday when you were working."
"A walk."
"Yup."
"Had you shifted?"
"Yes, I had."
Pen caught his humor, although she couldn't understand its origins.
"And?"
"I may have used their freshwater reserves as a latrine. And then encouraged the other skinwalkers to do the same."
She giggled like a little girl being told a dirty joke.
"That's remarkably crude."
"I like to think of it as clever and resourceful."
"That, too. — Ellen Connor

Ela did you just fart? Because you just blew me away. — Mark A. Cooper

In some sort of crude sense, which no vulgarity, no humor, no overstatement can quite extinguish, the physicists have known sin; and this is a knowledge which they cannot lose. — J. Robert Oppenheimer

[Artemis] returned to the aft bay for Mulch's version of a briefing.
The dwarf had drawn a crude diagram on a backlit wall panel. In fairness, there were more artistic chimpanzees. And less pungent ones. Mulch was using a carrot as a pointer, or more accurately, several carrots. Dwarfs liked carrots.
'This is Koboi Labs,' He mumbled around a mouthful of vegetable.
'That?' exclaimed Root.
'I realize, Julius, that it is not an accurate schematic.'
The Commander exploded from his chair. 'An accurate schematic? It's a rectangle for heaven's sake!'
Mulch was unperturbed. 'That's not important. This is the important bit.'
'That wobbly line?'
'It's a fissure,' pouted the dwarf. 'Anybody can see that.'
'Anybody in kindergarten maybe. So it's a fissure, so what?'
'This is the clever bit. Y'see that fissure is not usually there.'
Root began strangling the air again. Something he was doing more and more lately. — Eoin Colfer