Crap Friend Quotes & Sayings

The Republican I ran against, at the end of the campaign, had decided that I was "a friend of terrorists" and "a friend of pedophiles." That's the kind of crap they came out with. I expect that's the kind of crap they'll come out with again. — Bernie Sanders

So you are Catholic? Didn't know that.
I am nothing, I said. God knows God is no friend of mine. But I envy people who believe in this crap. They don't worry about the meaning of life and things, whereas I do. — Aleksandar Hemon

That fat freak a guarantee one hunner percen nucular bum. Shit. Drop him on somebody, everbody gettin caught in the fallout, gettin their ass blowed up. — John Kennedy Toole

An expert is someone who knows some of the worst mistakes that can be made in his subject, and how to avoid them. — Werner Heisenberg

Now all you need is to make a V with your hand and say in a death rattle that you have been and always shall be his friend," Ian noted with heavy irony.
"Why would I ... " I began. Then understanding dawned.
"Holy crap, you're a closet Trekkie! — Jeaniene Frost

I know what I look like. I'm not a babe who's automatically going to be the leading-lady type. I think I would always be cast as the friend. I probably tend to look crap more often than I look good. I like messing around and pulling funny faces and doing funny walks. — Ashley Jensen

Get me your manager." Dove held her head high and tried to seem older and more self-assured.
The teenager barely registered her request.
"Do it now. My friend here is about to crap his pants. Do you want to smell it?" Dove slapped her hands down on the counter, snapping the life into the girl. "Do you want to smell his shit? — Debra Anastasia

Of course, here's the weird part. After I fought my dad, all of a sudden we're buddies now. Like he's my friend now, we start hanging out. But we're still the same people. So we'd go out on Sunday, you know, and just be hanging out, then he'd, like, pick a guy, and we'd just go beat the crap out of that guy as a team. Memories, huh? — Christopher Titus

I don't give a crap if you're a Tangent or a really smart llama. You're my friend and that's all that matters — James Dashner

Maybe a friend is someone who wants your updates. Even if they're boring. Or sad. Or annoyingly cutesy. A friend says "Sign me up for your boring crap, yes indeed"
because he likes you anyways. He'll tolerate your junk — E. Lockhart

That's because it is stupid, Maddie. And that's not even the worst of it. Did you ever consider that maybe you aren't the center of the world? That maybe, just maybe, I have crap going on, too? Crap that I should be able to talk to my best friend about? But have I been able to talk to you about it? No, because you won't answer your phone or return my calls. Because apparently, you've been off committing social suicide by dumping Eric. I mean, who does junk like that? Only you, Maddie, only you. — Leah Rae Miller

Nothing happens in the world? Are you out of your fucking mind? People are murdered every day. There's genocide, war, corruption. Every fucking day, somewhere in the world, somebody sacrifices his life to save someone else. Every fucking day, someone, somewhere makes a conscious decision to destroy someone else. People find love, people lose it. For Christ's sake, a child watches her mother beaten to death on the steps of a church. Someone goes hungry. Somebody else betrays his best friend for a woman. If you can't find that stuff in life, then you, my friend, don't know crap about life. And why the FUCK are you wasting my two precious hours with your movie? I don't have any use for it. I don't have any bloody use for it. — Charlie Kaufman

Worrying was like sitting in a rocking chair - all that work and no progress. — DiAnn Mills

What did that stupid deserting crap-bag ex-boyfriend, ex-best friend with the most perfect stupid hair do? He DIDN'T delete his crap off the desktop before he fled my life and left me all alone. That's what he did. — James Patterson

Visualization is often used for evil - twisting insignificant data changes and making them look meaningful. Don't do that crap if you want to be my friend. Present results clearly and honestly. If something isn't working - those reviewing results need to know. — John Tukey

The midwest is full of these types of people. The nice enoughs but with a soul made of plastic. Easy to mold, easy to wipe down. The woman's entire music collection is formed from Pottery Barn compilations. Her books shelves are stocked with coffee table crap The Irish in America, Mizzou Football - A History in Pictures, We Remember 911, something dumb with kittens. I knew I needed a pliant friend for my plan, someone I could load up with awful stories about Nick. Someone who would become overly attached to me. Someone who would be easy to manipulate. Who wouldn't think to hard about anything I said because she felt privileged to hear it. — Gillian Flynn

So let me get this straight." ... "He threw the note at Tommy and then told him to fuck off? Or do I have it backwards?"
"I'm detecting some sarcasm."
"And then got himself sent the principal's office because he was ready to defend your honor?"
"Quinn."
"Her friend waved a hand. "No, I think you might be on to something. This is clearly an elaborate plot to screw with you. He asks you out, he defends you from that meathead - what next?" Quinn's eyes flashed wide in mock surprise. "Crap, Bex, do you think he will do something truly horrible like buy you flowers? — Brigid Kemmerer

Custom, law bent my first years to the religion of the happy Muslims. I see it too clearly: the care taken of our childhood forms our feelings, our habits, our belief. By the Ganges I would have been a slave of the false gods, a Christian in Paris, a Muslim here. — Voltaire

You think I like this?" I say defensively. "Trust me, I don't need this headache in my life." I swallow a mouthful of beer. "Hey. You know Twilight?" He blinks. "Excuse me?" "Twilight. The vampire book." His wary eyes study my face. "What about it?" "Okay, so you know how Bella's blood is extra special? Like how it gives Edward a raging boner every time he's around her?" "Are you fucking with me right now?" I ignore that. "Do you think it happens in real life? Pheromones and all that crap. Is it a bullshit theory some horndog dreamed up so he could justify why he's attracted to his mother or some shit? Or is there actually a biological reason why we're drawn to certain people? Like goddamn Twilight. Edward wants her on a biological level, right?" "Are you seriously dissecting Twilight right now?" God, I am. This is what Allie has reduced me to. A sad, pathetic loser who goes to a bar and forces his friend to participate in a Twilight book club. — Elle Kennedy

I'm so sorry, I continue. And it's like the last word is a hurdle and I can't leap it, because something in the word snags my voice and suddenly I am giving everything up. I am letting my shoulders fall and I am feeling myself become the absence, feeling myself become that gasp and sob. — David Levithan

Wait. What? You kissed at the bonfire?" Ellen flushes and nods. "Seriously? You didn't tell me? What kind of crap best-friend rule book did you read, Ellen, because the one I've got has way different chapters as to how information is supposed to be handed over. — Anne Eliot

There are certain unwritten rules in high school. High on the list, close to the top, is one that says. 'Thou shalt not have sex with your best friend's girl'. - A simple rule, understood by all. - Danny Carrs totally ignored it.
Another rule even higher on the list says: 'Thou shalt not beat the crap out of the star quarterback two days before the play-off game.' I sort of ignored that one. I figured it made us even. Needless to say, the jerks at school didn't see it my way. — G.L. Snodgrass

My boyfriend dumped me. My best friend won't talk to me. My future is in a garbage can. Everything has turned to crap. Can you please just let me be a sullen teenager. just this once — J.J. Johnson

CUSTOMER (to their friend): God, the Famous Five titles realy were crap, weren't they? Five Go Camping. Five Go Off in a Caravan ... If it was Five Go Down To a Crack House it might be a bit more exciting. — Jen Campbell

No, I took you out on a date because I want to fuck your brains out, among other things, and I know that the feeling is mutual. Unlike your buddy Shane, I don't sugarcoat my intentions. I don't want to be your friend. I have no interest in hanging out with you at the mall or choosing outfits with you or crap like that. I crave you. I want all of you, every single inch of you. And call it an only-child syndrome, but I. DO. NOT. FUCKING. SHARE. — L.J. Shen

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other. — Robert Benchley

I'll be your friend so long as you're not crap — Colin Firth

Without the gospel, our self-image is based on living up to some standards - either our own or someone else's imposed on us. If we live up to those standards, we will be confident but not humble; if we don't live up to them, we will be humble but not confident. Only in the gospel can we be both enormously bold and utterly sensitive and humble, for we are simul justus et peccator, both perfect and sinner! — Timothy Keller

I've learned to develop a thick skin, but you're bound to be affected when you read something bad about yourself in the paper and it's rubbed in your face over and over. — Freida Pinto