Quotes & Sayings About Condoms

The idea of women having sex without risking pregnancy is deeply disturbing to the vision of women's role that Western civilization has inherited from the Judeo-Christian tradition.....In Britain, the Anglican Church denounced it (birth control) as 'the awful heresy'. As families grew smaller in the US during early years of the twentieth century....the moral reaction mounted. Theodore Roosevelt attacked the use of condoms as 'decadent'. He declared women who used contraceptives as 'criminals against the race...the object of contemptuous abhorrence by healthy people. — Jack Holland

The routine promotion of condoms through advertising has been stopped by networks who are so hypocritically priggish that they refuse to describe disease control as they promote disease transmission. — Henry Waxman

I love when problems have simple solutions. Cold medicine. Umbrellas. Condoms. Tax incentives & subsidies attracting favored industries. — Greg Fitzsimmons

I looked at whale jawbones in the museum this morning. Then I did some shopping. Whenever I go into the drugstore it seems that many people are buying condoms and motion sickness medicine. — Lydia Davis

Then he would get into a plane and leave the field wide open; the field was crammed with paralegals, all of them stoutly armed with condoms. — Lydia Millet

Could be an amazing product, sell like condoms at a high school prom, donuts at a police convention, sunscreen on a Caribbean crush ship. — Dennis Vickers

You know you're in love when you wear condoms while having sex with other women. — Owen Wilson

I struggled not to laugh at the brand-new bottle of lube in his left hand and the unopened box of condoms in his right. He watched me, his expression dark.
"Just buy those?" I asked lightly.
He nodded once.
"Had it all worked out in your mind, did you?"
He nodded again.
"Have you ever fucked a man, Seven?"
He shook his head, his right hand squishing the box of condoms as he tightened his grip.
"And ... this is what you want?" I looked at his face then, watching for any signs of doubt. There were none as he nodded again.
I opened my arms. "Come here," I said softly. — T.J. Klune

Dear Lord," began Randy, who paused for long enough that Tristan sneaked an eye open to look at him. His saw his mother's cheek twitch with what he thought might be apprehension. "We are so grateful to be gathered here today with our family, and the family of our brother's homosexual boyfriend, and our new little goth friend who has a gay dad, whatever the heck that is all about. We'd like to say we're grateful this year for condoms, lube, and Ellen Degeneres, and for those guys on Queer Eye ... "
Randall Evan Phillips!" his mother shouted. — Z.A. Maxfield

Have you ever heard of a condom? Don't Carpathians have condoms? Because I'm thinking that if you're all that worried, a condom might be just the thing."
His smile was slow in coming. "I had not thought of that. As a rule Carpathians do not need such things. — Christine Feehan

Safe sex is an act of self love. — Miya Yamanouchi

We need condoms for the heart. — Jen Frederick

I live dangerously enough. Now what's this about condoms or tigers? — Kendare Blake

You can hand out condoms, drop bombs, build roads, or put in electricity, but until the girls are educated a society won't change. — Greg Mortenson

Recently, there's been a trend in America that I find very disturbing ... rewarding immoral and illegal behavior ... For example, we now give free needles to junkies, which seems to me to be only a step away from giving condoms to rapists. — Bill Maher

I think it's important for those of us in a position of responsibility to be firm in sharing our experiences, to understand that the babies out of wedlock is a very difficult chore for mom and baby alike ... I believe we ought to say there is a different alternative than the culture that is proposed by people like Miss Wolf in society ... And, you know, hopefully, condoms will work, but it hasn't worked. — George W. Bush

Used to have a crush on Dawn from En Vogue.
It's not like honey dip would wanna get with me,
But just in case I own more condoms than TLC. — Phife Dawg

About President Bush's stand against condoms, condoms will not protect you from AIDS . So to just throw a bunch of condoms over to Africa and say, here, we're helping you with AIDS, is just going to further the spread of AIDS over there. — Christine O'Donnell

Wait," Eric said. "Do you have any camouflaged condoms?"
"Camouflaged?" The cashier's forehead crinkled in concentration. "I don't think so. We have every flavor and color imaginable, but I don't think we have any camouflaged."
"Why would you need a camouflaged condom?" Rebekah asked.
"So you won't see me coming. — Olivia Cunning

Is it a recent occurrence that women have tried to control when and if they reproduced? Absolutely not. By 2000 B.C., there was worldwide use of herbal potions to prevent pregnancy. Condoms were made from animal bladders. — Karen DeCrow

We are still not in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame but there are 3,000 Kiss products, a Kiss musical toothbrush, everything from Kiss caskets to Kiss condoms. There are no Radiohead condoms ... — Paul Stanley

How is it that mankind can engineer condoms to prevent pregnancy and STDs and not be able to invent some sort of emotional safeguard? Is it even possible to abstain from falling in love? — Daria Snadowsky

Jesus. Why couldn't he have had boys? All boys. Little fucking shits like Cage. A whole slew of 'em he could throw condoms at and be done with it. — Madeline Sheehan

Waiting for a hot pocket to cook we'd fuck and be satisfied, barefoot on new york city apartment linoleum. A satisfying hot pocket and a big ass smile and a tight ass grip and a wall beside a random pipe beside the stove where we left palm and dick prints. We fucked like this. Three condoms in an hour and a half and where are you now? Holding the hand of some local dude you wish was a little more international, wishing you had known I was enough and asked me to stay. You are standing in the kitchen waiting for popcorn to pop while he washes dishes, not knowing I'm wishing back for you. — Darnell Lamont Walker

Throwing cash for the whole meal on the table, Kelly got up abruptly. That's it. Come on. We're going shopping. Clothes. Lingerie. Shoes. Condoms. — Laura Kaye

The men had to use condoms. You didn't want to get hit by that stuff, flying. I said be kind and I did something worse than flying cum. I threw up all over him. I couldn't stop throwing up. That's not sexy. — Ian McDonald

We're doing a great disservice to our young people because the only protection is abstinence, as condoms have been proven fallible ... The federal government should not be telling young people to use condoms ... It's also an insult to teenagers, reducing them to the level of a dog that can't control its hormones. — Christine O'Donnell

Stop hiding condoms in my stuff. It's like some twisted Easter egg hunt in there. — Alyxandra Harvey

Now, this is where I draw the line! It's bad enough everybody in town's going to be thinkin' I'm sleeping with a depressed, lice-ridden, hemorrhoidal foreigner who likes to be tied up and might be pregnant, although-since she's just about cornered the market on condoms-I don't know how that could have happened. But I will not-you listen to me, Emma!-I absolutely will not have anybody thinkin' a woman of mine needs a vaginal moisturizer, do you hear me? — Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Oh my god! Oh no, no, no, no. The condoms. Hugh had seen the condoms. She wanted to bury her head under the covers and never come out. — Robin Bielman

She'd woken up with a receipt for condoms. That much she knew. But had she used them? Even if she had, a little voice in the back of her head yelled, "Glow-in-the-dark condoms from the Dollar Store, probably expired! — Samantha Bohrman

Just when I think you've hit bottom you continue to amaze me," Kyle said. "Or, does this get worse? Nothing would surprise me after this. Are you sleeping with a married man whose wife is dying of cancer?"
Elroy didn't think he'd done anything wrong. "I know nothing about his wife, or his husband for that matter. I don't ask and I'm not out to break up his home. Lighten up, man. Everybody does it. It's not like I'm going to freaking marry this dude. I'm only having a little fun with him. You wanna come with me? We'll have a three-way. You should see the way this guy moves. It will blow your mind."
With that remark Kyle shoved his hands into his pockets and walked faster. "No, thank you. That's not something I'm interested in doing. Meeting nice, decent people is the only thing that blows my mind. I just hope you're using condoms, you goddman asshole. — Ryan Field

I'm gonna need a strap-on, a dildo, some lube, condoms, and more of that tequila. — Kendall Grey

Given its diverse meanings and lack of specificity, the word "scientism" should be dropped. But if it's to be kept, I suggest we level the playing field by introducing the term religionism, which I'll define as "the tendency of religion to overstep its boundaries by making unwarranted statements about the universe, or by demanding unearned authority." Religionism would include clerics claiming to be moral authorities, arguments that scientific phenomena give evidence for God, and unsupported statements about the nature of a god and how he interacts with the world. And here we find no lack of examples, including believers who blame natural disasters on homosexuality, tell us that God doesn't want us to use condoms, argue that the acceptance of evolution by scientists is a conspiracy, and insist that human morality and the universe's "fine-tuning" are evidence for God. — Jerry A. Coyne

Dean opened the glove compartment and took out a package of condoms.
"You keep condoms in there?" I asked.
"It is called the glove compartment," he replied with a wink. — Nina Lane

Something just ain't right about thanking the Lord for sending you an opportunistic pretty boy who carried a string of condoms and single use packets of lube in his pocket. Still, I did it. — James Buchanan

What about your mom?" "She offered to take me to Planned Parenthood to get the Pill and told me to make Adam get tested for various diseases. In the meantime, she ordered me to buy condoms now. She even gave me ten bucks to start my supply. — Gayle Forman

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. — Spike Milligan

In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms. — Bruce Lansky

What kind of motel sells condoms?"
"My favorite kind of motel? — Jennifer L. Armentrout

No doubt he'd been with Heidi until all hours of the morning. He knew where she stood about sex, condoms, his future, Heidi's ... bringing it up now would only exacerbate an already prickly situation.

"Nothing good happens after midnight," she reminded him.

"You're wrong, Mom, and you know it. — Lisa Jackson

I guess having one hundred and four condoms full of heroin in your guts and the thought of a firing squad in your head make will make most things seem insignificant. — S.A. Tawks

I know the Pope is opposed to the use of condoms. All I can say is, I am a spiritual man and I've been happily married for 21 years. I don't even know what a condom is anymore. — Tom Hanks

It seemed to me, watching, that if you were dextrous enough to gift-wrap an independent-minded amphibian, you could just about manage a condom. — Naomi Wolf

It's not enough just to buy condoms, Cassidy; you have to use them. — Karen Marie Moning

If we can just get young people to do the same as their fathers did, that is, wear condoms — Richard Branson

Okay. I don't know how we're going to do this. If I'm not in you inside of five minutes, I'm going to die. My heart will simply explode, and it won't be pretty. But the thing is this - I haven't had sex in a couple years, which creates two problems. One, I don't have any condoms. If I had any condoms in some drawer somewhere, they'd be powder by now. And two, I can't promise to pull out because I'm going to come the second I'm in you. — Lisa Marie Rice

It was too late to buy beer but thank God there's no curfew on condoms. — Beth Myrle Rice

Conservatives, who have presumed that the key to preventing AIDS is abstinence-only education, and liberals, who have focused on distribution of condoms, should both note that the intervention that has tested most cost-effective in Africa is neither ... Secular bleeding hearts and religious bleeding hearts will have to forge a common cause. — Nicholas D. Kristof

I believe strongly in condoms. They avert babies and disease. They make you seem responsible, not slutty. They make the girl relax too, because you're taking care of the risky part. Like you're a professional. Roll it on, squeeze the tip, turn back to her, ready, set go. Like I'd just done a little disappearing act on myself and became something confident and wonderful. You can't see through my latex disguise! You will love this so let's get down! You don't want to know how many times this worked in my favor.
God I feel like a fucking asshole sometimes. All the time, really. — Carrie Mesrobian

Doctors would only prescribe birth control in the most dire of circumstances, and even then, what form of birth control would they prescribe? There were no reliable options, except perhaps the condom. But condoms depended on the cooperation of men, and Sanger's experience in the tenements of New York City told her that men didn't mind six or seven children so long as they were able to enjoy sex when the mood struck them. Women were the ones dealing most with the consequences of sex, not only because they were the ones getting pregnant but also because they were the ones raising the children. — Jonathan Eig

I was afraid you were going to have sex with that man, and I knew you weren't prepared. I brought you condoms!" The memory of her mom sprawled on the ground with her leg twisted under her, lying amongst the scattered condoms, — Hailey Mansfield

I always struggled with opening single-serving items such as bags of M&M's or condoms. — Penny Reid

You know, we are one nation under a god. Yes, you were right. An angry, crack slinging god who decorates with bullets and spent condoms. — Henry Rollins

A salesman is an it that stinks to please
but whether to please itself or someone else
makes no more difference than if it sells
hate condoms education snakeoil vac
uumcleaners terror strawberries democ
ra(caveat emptor)cy superfluous hair — E. E. Cummings

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? — Dustin Hoffman

I believe the potluck tradition of entertaining is the equivalent of a teenage boy wanting to have sex with his girlfriend but who is too scared to go to CVS to buy condoms. If you can't handle providing all the courses for your dinner party, you can't handle the hosting duties of a dinner party. — Mindy Kaling

Men who refuse to use condoms do not deserve to be fucked by anyone but other men who refuse to use condoms. — Inga Muscio

City Point is so beautiful, she says. In the night they cannot see the garbage that litters the beach, the seaweed and driftwood, the condoms that wallow sluggishly on the foam's edge, discarded on the shore like the minuscule loathsome animals of the sea. Yeah, it's something, he says slowly. — Norman Mailer

Rick Santorum doesn't like sex. He doesn't like the pill. He really doesn't like condoms. He said if men are going to pull something on to prevent procreation, nothing works better that a sweater vest. — Bill Maher

She also said you were almost out of condoms and should pick up some more. And to not forget her special cream for her rash. — Eve Langlais

Well, there are lot of people who make a lot of money off the fifth- and sixth-life crises. All of a sudden they have a ton of consumers scared out of their minds and willing to buy facial cream, designer jeans, SAT test prep courses, condoms, cars, scooters, self-help books, watches, wallets, stocks, whatever ... all the crap that the twenty-somethings used to buy, they now have the ten-somethings buying. They doubled their market! — Ned Vizzini

Expired condoms are like nuclear waste: there's nothing sensible you can do with it. — Andrew Smith

No matter what those sex-ed teachers say about how great condoms are, there's not a condom in the world to protect you from heartbreak. — Natasha Friend

Religious freedom doesn't include the freedom to disregard the law and restrict another's freedom to believe and act differently. No one's forcing Catholic nuns to practice birth control, or priests to wear condoms (good idea tho). If you really feel your religious beliefs conflict with the mandates of running a business, the solution is simple: Get your ass out of the boardroom and back to the pulpit (where it belongs). — Quentin R. Bufogle

We're the ones causing global warming. In fact, what we ought to be saying is population growth is a major cause of it, so I hope to have a T-shirt out very, very soon: Stop global warming, use condoms. — Mechai Viravaidya

Was it really just an hour ago that he'd licked me into nirvana at the top of the hill? We'd been buying condoms and planning an afternoon of hot sex, and now we were on a witch-hunt. Seeking retribution. Out for blood. — Sofia Grey

I turned to Eddie. "Okay, I've never done this. This is the guy's department. What do I do? We need to get Lee's size and we need industrial strength. Show me which ones to buy."
Eddie looked at the display and looked to me. "You're askin' me to help you buy condoms for Lee?"
" Industrial strength condoms," I reminded him.
Eddie stared at me like he was re-thinking his crush on me.
"okay," I said, trying to be helpful, "we'll break it down. We'll start with the size."
He shook his head. "First, I'm a little worried you're lookin' to me to tell you Lee's size. Lee es mi hermano , but we aren't that close. Second, they don't come in sizes. — Kristen Ashley

One day, while at the drugstore picking up some aspirin for my Mom, dear old Mrs. Burns, our pharmacist, shoved a pack of condoms into my hand with a conspiratorial wink.
"They glow in the dark," she whispered.
This, from a sixty-five year-old granny, I kid you not. Stuff of nightmares. — Ramona Wray

Honey, are you being safe?'
'I wear my seat belt, yes.'
'Does this Rob Lovely wear a seat belt too?'
Matty sighed. 'Mother, seat belts should be worn at all times when in a moving vehicle. Didn't you teach me that?'
'So long as we're both talking about condoms here, then I'll leave it.'
'Consider it left. — Leta Blake

Here are condoms lined with a topical anesthetic for prolonged action. What a paradox. You don't feel a thing, but you can fuck for hours. — Chuck Palahniuk

There is not only a lack of success for condoms. It's worse than that - they are utter failures. — Wendy Wright

So-called real life has only once interfered with me, and it had been a far cry from what the words, lines, books had prepared me for. Fate had to do with blind seers, oracles, choruses announcing death, not with panting next to the refrigerator, fumbling with condoms, waiting in a Honda parked round the corner and surreptitious encounters in a Lisbon hotel. Only the written word exists, everything one must do oneself is without form, subject to contingency without rhyme or reason. It takes too long. And if it ends badly the metre isn't right, and there's no way to cross things out. — Cees Nooteboom

Any reason why we couldn't just ditch the condoms from now on?" Surprise — Madeleine Urban

[Television executives] are afraid to advertise condoms that could save lives, but do not blush about telecasting a National Geographic special on President Reagan's pelvic plumbing. — Martin Nolan

There is a great deal of political pressure to only talk about abstinence, and to deny support for condoms and education on using them. This policy will lead to the unnecessary deaths of many people. — Hillary Clinton

Condoms should be marked in 3 sizes: jumbo, colossal and super colossal, so that men do not have to go in and ask for the small. — Barbara Seaman

I do support a sex-positive attitude for young people. Use condoms, that's important. I love the idea that promiscuity can be healthy but it's got some dodgy crevasses. Ooh, that's a bad reference! But it's got some dangerous cavities there. You know what I'm saying. — Rachael Taylor

And an even bigger army of Catholic missionaries marched in on your heels and told the Africans that if they used the condoms, they'd all go to hell. Africa has a new environmental issue now - landfills overflowing with unused condoms. — Dan Brown

Just FYI," Lenny says, his face still red from the nasty sunburn. "I've got a shitload of condoms in my duffle. Front pocket."
"For what?"
"Listen if you don't know what condoms are for I'm not gonna teach you."
"I know what they're for, shithead. I just highly doubt you're getting any ass on this trip."
"Watch me," Lenny says. "My boy gets action all the time."
"Yeah, I bet your right hand is tired from all that action" I mumble as I walk to the bathroom. "I'm a leftie!" Lenny calls after me.
I try not to wince from thinking about it. — Simone Elkeles

They'll have to eat first. And by the time they're finished, you'll be back."
"With the condoms." "Right." "For the giant orgy you're convinced we're about to have in the backyard."
"Dory! Just go!" "I'll go with," Ray said, getting up. "I need a snack." Which was how I ended up condom shopping with a vampire. — Karen Chance

You think he has some bomb defusing MacGyver contraption cooked up that involves lube, condoms, and a paper clip? — Stephani Hecht

Logan, why aren't you wearing protection?"
The radio crackled, and then came Logan's voice. "I have 'protection' in my bag," he said. "But as much as I don't want to say this, darlin', now's not the time to be asking if I'm carrying condoms. I have problems."
"A life vest, Logan! I'm asking where's your life vest!"
"Oh," he said. "I knew that. — Jill Shalvis

He kisses the D.S.'s hand thrusting his fingers into his mouth (the D.S. must feel his toothless gums) complaining he has lost teeth "inna thervith". "Please Boss Man. I'll wipe your ass, I'll wash out your dirty condoms, I'll polish your shoes with the oil on my nose ... — William S. Burroughs

I'm allergic to latex and it makes me break out in a rash so most condoms are out for me because the last thing any of us wants is a vagina rash. The alternative is the ones made of sheepskin, but it always creeps me out because does that mean Victor and I are having sex with a sheep? A dead sheep, actually. So it's bestiality and necrophilia. And a three-way, I think. I actually mentioned that to Victor and he immediately booked a vasectomy, which is sweet because it's nice that he cares about me. He claimed it was less his caring and more "I'd rather have my nuts cut off than have to listen to you talk about having three-ways with dead sheep." But now I have all these leftover condoms. They make great water balloons though and I bet they'd be really good for championship bubblegum-blowing competitions. Really chewy sheep bubblegum. That might be cheating. I don't know the rules about bubblegum contests. — Jenny Lawson

Use a condom. The world doesn't need another you. — Carroll Bryant

The first time my mom found condoms in my room, she literally started crying hysterically. — Jason Segel

Okay, I've never done this. This is the guy's department. What do I do? We need to get Lee's size and we need industrial strength. Show me which ones to buy."
Eddie looked at the display and looked at me. "You're askin' me to help you buy condoms for Lee?"
"Industrial strength condoms," I reminded him.
...
"Let me get this straight," he said and I could tell he was laughing, "you dragged Eddie to Walgreen's to help pick out condoms for me?"
"Well, I didn't know!" ...
"Did you tell Eddie the part about long-lasting reliability?"
Oh Lord.
"Forget it," I said.
"Indy?" he called.
"What?" I snapped, kinda pissy.
"I love you." He still had laughter in his voice and there was something very cool about him laughing and saying I love you at the same time. — Kristen Ashley

You gotta think it's a waste of - "
"Ray!" I glanced around, but there was nobody within earshot.
"Well, excuse me if I'm not used to buying condoms for aliens," he said more softly.
"They're not aliens."
"Well, they're not human. I mean, they could have anything under those tunics, you know? — Karen Chance

The worst of all of this is the lie that condoms really protect against AIDS. The condom failure rate can be as high as 20 percent. Would you get on a plane - or put your children on a plane - if one of five passengers would be killed on the flight? Well, the statistic holds for condoms, folks. — Rush Limbaugh

Civilization is drugs, alcohol, engines of war, prostitution, machines and machine slaves, low wages, bad food, bad taste, prisons, reformatories, lunatic asylums, divorce, perversion, brutal sports, suicides, infanticide, cinema, quackery, demagogy, strikes, lockouts, revolutions, putsches, colonization, electric chairs, guillotines, sabotage, floods, famine, disease, gangsters, money barons, horse racing, fashion shows, poodle dogs, chow dogs, Siamese cats, condoms, peccaries, syphilis, gonorrhea, insanity, neuroses, etc., etc. — Henry Miller

Some want prayer in school, some want condoms.
Printing prayers on condoms satisfies nobody. — Marshall Fritz

Holy shit ... but we were using condoms."
Pink tinged her cheeks. "Not the weekend at the lodge."
He leaned over and lowered his voice. "Yeah, but I pulled out."
Emma cocked her brows. "And you're Mr. Super Potent Sperm, remember? — Katie Ashley

Jersey chasers are a dime a dozen, always willing to take a ride on the football side, but you've got to be careful with the overly eager ones, the ones who aren't just trying to make a trophy outta you, but a fuckin' Lifetime Achievement award. As in, poking holes in condoms and look at that, you're a baby daddy. I don't know if Josie falls into that latter category, but she's a little too eager for my taste. — Jen Frederick

Although every person makes mistakes, not every mistake makes a person. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We'd been little more than children when we fell in love. Now everything was ashes, ashes of ashes burned at temperatures where ash burns, but our full-fledged sex life had only just begun, and I would never stop loving her. It was the prospect of another two or three or five years of sex in the ashes that made me think of death. When she pulled away from me and dropped to her knees and unzipped my knapsack and took out my Swiss Army knife, I thought she might be thinking of it, too. But instead she was stabbing the five remaining condoms dead. — Jonathan Franzen

Condoms aren't a hundred percent you know," he reminds me calmly. My mind flashes to a certain episode of Friends, and I suddenly feel like yelling out that they should put that on the outside of the box. — Chantal Fernando

I held my bag open and he dropped Jenks inside.
"Hey!" the pixy protested, and then, "Tink's little pink dildo, Rache? Haven't you gotten rid of those condoms yet? They got a shelf life, you know. — Kim Harrison

If condoms and potentially microbicides can prevent millions of deaths [from AIDS], they should be made more widely available. I know that there are those who, out of sincere religious conviction, oppose such measures. And with these folks, I must respectfully but unequivocally disagree. — Barack Obama

Condoms will break, but I can assure you that vows of abstinence will break more easily than condoms. — Joycelyn Elders