Clarkson Quotes & Sayings

I would love to meet Kelly Clarkson and if I get the chance to I would tell her thank you so much for the inspiration. — Thia Megia

I don't obsess about my weight, which is probably one of the reasons why other people have such a problem with it. — Kelly Clarkson

Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don't, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition. — Jeremy Clarkson

I get hit on by the hottest girls ever. Oh my god, if I was a lesbian, I would be so in luck. But it's just not my thing. I've always batted for the boys' team. — Kelly Clarkson

Sips fuel like a mouse sipping sherry from a hypodermic needle. — Jeremy Clarkson

I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well. — Jeremy Clarkson

I stand before you and my heart is in your hands,
And I don't know how,
I'd survive without your kiss,
'cause you've given me a reason to exist — Kelly Clarkson

The Westway, the old strip club on Clarkson Street, is still there, but today it's owned by a hipster restaurant entrepreneur who caters to the ironic cultural lifestylers, more fashion world than art, people who are "cool" because they live in New York. — Kim Gordon

I have a big fear of change, or negative change, anyway. I'm basically the same person I was when I won 'Idol,' or when I was 10. — Kelly Clarkson

It appears first, that liberty is a natural, and government an adventitious right, because all men were originally free. — Thomas Clarkson

Should slavery be abolished there, (and it is an event, which, from these circumstances, we may reasonably expect to be produced in time) let it be remembered, that the Quakers will have had the merit of its abolition. — Thomas Clarkson

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would. — Jeremy Clarkson

Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling more than 170hp is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling ... penguins ... while making love ... to a beautiful woman while on fire, on stage ... in front of the Queen. It's all going to go wrong. — Jeremy Clarkson

All this health and safety talk is just killing me. — Jeremy Clarkson

There are many ways to tell if someone is a bit thick. You can sit them in a room and ask them to push various bits of plastic into a wooden box. Or you can ask them to describe a cloud. Or you can carefully measure the distance between their eyes, the height of their forehead or the length of their arm. — Jeremy Clarkson

I have stunning friends. I value my friendships as I value my family. — Patricia Clarkson

I came up with the best pastime in the history of man. What you do is find an aerosol tin of spray adhesive, such as you would use to stick posters to a wall. You then lie in wait and when a wasp flies by, you leap out and give it a squirt. Bingo. One minute it's flying; the next it's tumbling silently out of the sky with a confused look on its stupid little face. — Jeremy Clarkson

I'm a huge Kelly Clarkson fan. I think she's great. — Emily Robison

I am aware, of course, that many men do hate the sight of their wife and children. Doctors even have a name for these people: 'anglers'. — Jeremy Clarkson

Our horizon is the creation of a noble society to which, like the medieval builder of those glorious cathedrals, you will have added your conception, your artful piece of stone. — Adrienne Clarkson

It could be argued that there is an element of entertainment in every pie, as every pie is inherently a surprise by virtue of its crust. — Janet Clarkson

My happy weight changes. Sometimes I eat more; sometimes I play more. I'll be different sizes all the time. — Kelly Clarkson

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying "Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases." — Jeremy Clarkson

In the olden days it was easy to make a television work.You plugged an aerial cable into the back, then bashed the top with your fist until, eventually, Hughie Green stopped jumping up and down. — Jeremy Clarkson

I like to be loved by my children, and I quite like the Guardian hating me. — Jeremy Clarkson

Christian [historical] revisionism is integral to the Christian Right's approach to politics and public policy. If one's political righteousness and sense of historical continuity are matters of faith, what appears as fact to everyone else becomes fiction before the compelling evidence of faith. Whatever does not fall neatly into a 'Biblical worldview' becomes problematic, perhaps a delusion sent by Satan. — Frederick Clarkson

It is natural to quarrel, to be selfish, to live a small-minded life. It is supernatural to love unconditionally, to serve others, to live a life of vision and faith. — Sally Clarkson

It's ignorant to think you know everything about a person. There's many different sides to everybodys personality and there's just different colours to a personality. — Kelly Clarkson

Holly Hunter has been doing great work forever. — Patricia Clarkson

My experiences remind me that it's those black clouds that make the blue skies even more beautiful. — Kelly Clarkson

Pies mean Thanksgiving and Christmas and picnics. — Janet Clarkson

I don't think I am particularly funny. In fact, I know I'm not. — Jeremy Clarkson

I've noticed that 'news' is not what's happened. It's what's happened on camera. If a herd of tigers runs amok in a remote Indian village, it's not news. If a gang of wide-eyed rebels slaughters the inhabitants of a faraway African village, it's not news. But if it's a bit windy in America, it is news. Because in America everything that happens is recorded. I find myself wondering if last week's Israeli raid on a Turkish ship in a flotilla carrying aid to Gaza would have had the coverage it did if the battle hadn't been captured on film. And likewise the racing driver who broke a leg after crashing in the Indy 500. It only became a big deal because we could watch the accident from several angles in slow motion. — Jeremy Clarkson

I've never been more nervous in my life than singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl. — Kelly Clarkson

I love Kelly Clarkson. — Ashley Tisdale

I heard that [Clarkson] said some petty things about someone I care deeply about, so I just made some petty remarks 'cause I'm a petty guy. — Bill Vaughan

In Italy, you sometimes get the impression they'd be happier to lose the Ppe than lose their right to drive like maniacs. — Jeremy Clarkson

I'm sorry I'm crying again on national television. — Kelly Clarkson

Each of us is carving a stone, erecting a column, or cutting a piece of stained glass in the construction of something much bigger than ourselves. — Adrienne Clarkson

Multi-tasking is the ability to screw everything up simultaneously. — Jeremy Clarkson

Now at this point you are probably thinking: so what? There is no Ebola in the world at the moment. Oh yes there is, but despite a twenty-year, multi-million-dollar hunt nobody has been able to find where it lives. Some say the host is a bat, others say it's a spider or a space alien. All we know is that occasionally, and for no obvious reason, someone comes out of the jungle with bleeding eyes and his stomach in a bag. — Jeremy Clarkson

Oh, there's all these rumors that I'm a lesbian. I have a boyfriend now, Brandon Blackstock; my manager Narvel's son, Reba McEntire's stepson. — Kelly Clarkson

This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory. — Jeremy Clarkson

And if someone does figure it out and starts a rumour, we'll just deal with it," Polly says. "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, and all that crap."
"Do you ever dream of the day when your life can no longer be adequately summarized by Kelly Clarkson songs?" I ask.
"All the time," Polly says. — E.K. Johnston

God is the Lord of human history and of the personal history of every member of His redeemed family. — Margaret Clarkson

I never said I was a 'good girl.' I'm not a bad girl. — Kelly Clarkson

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face. — Jeremy Clarkson

Italy's youngsters complain, apparently, about having to live at home until they are 72 but that's because they spend all their money on suits and coffee and Alfa Romeos rather than mortgages. — Jeremy Clarkson

It's never easy with characters in these dark and grave circumstances but that's my job. — Patricia Clarkson

I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating tw*t — Jeremy Clarkson

Really, what I try to instill in my fans is to be healthy and happy. I have no desire to be super-skinny. — Kelly Clarkson

We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging. I want to drive around in a Terminator, not the heroine in an E. M. Forster novel. — Jeremy Clarkson

You're a car, but most of all, what you are, what you've become, is a mate. And that's what makes a car special. That's what makes a car great. You start to think of it as a person. You start to love it. — Jeremy Clarkson

Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I'm coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun. — Jeremy Clarkson

This is a hard job. Change gear, change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in a day. — Jeremy Clarkson

My epiglottis is full of bees! — Jeremy Clarkson

Now all that's left of me, is what I pretend to be. So together, but so broken up inside. — Kelly Clarkson

[A Bugatti Veyron is] quite the most stunning piece of automotive engineering ever created ... At a stroke then, the Veyron has rendered everything I've ever said about any other car obsolete. It's rewritten the rule book, moved the goalposts and in the process, given Mother Nature a bloody nose. — Jeremy Clarkson

I may not be Einstein but I know dumb plus dumb equals you. — Kelly Clarkson

If God has entrusted us with suffering, let us set our hearts and minds to work together with Him to enable Him to bring out of our trials all the glory He longs us to know. — Margaret Clarkson

New Orleans. Born and raised. I lived there until I was 19. — Patricia Clarkson

The First Law of Pies: 'No Pastry, No Pie. — Janet Clarkson

I'm thankful
For the blessing
And the lessons that I've learned with you
By my side — Kelly Clarkson

The new MX-5 is like the new Ford Mondeo and the Subaru
Legacy Outback. It is one of those cars that's absolutely brilliant ... and nobody buys it. You never see one on the road. — Jeremy Clarkson

I just have a thing for writers. Maybe it because I'm just so not a writer. — Patricia Clarkson

Recently, I spent eight days in a car with my co-host from Top Gear James May, who has a notoriously flatulent bottom. But because he was living on army rations the interior was always pine fresh and lemon zesty. — Jeremy Clarkson

Since you've been gone, I can breath for the first time. — Kelly Clarkson

Everything I have ever bought is in my car. People say it's a skip and disgusting, and refuse to get in there. That's one advantage. Another is that last week, I needed a headache pill and it was simply a case of rummaging under the seat until I found one. Because it's so full of junk, I always have everything I could conceivably need. A Biro, a refreshing drink, lots of loose change, all sorts of maps, an iron lung, and so on. I kid you not. There's even a wetsuit in there. — Jeremy Clarkson

He was composed, polite, and intelligent. All the things a prince should be. — Kiera Cass

If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks. — Jeremy Clarkson

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car, (about the BMW X3). — Jeremy Clarkson

I live on a ranch in Texas and do my own thing. And I don't care what anyone has to say about it. My joke is that the only people I'm trying to please are myself and my fans, because they're the ones buying my records. And I have the best, most loyal fan base ever. — Kelly Clarkson

To address this, we must wage a war on the militants. First, we must make it an offence, punishable by many years in jail, to ride a bicycle in anything other than what I like to call home clothes. Cycling shops selling gel for your bottom crack and outfits with padded gussets will be raided by the police and the owners prosecuted. This way, cyclists will be stripped of their uniforms and made to look like human beings. — Jeremy Clarkson

I don't really exude that 'it' factor. — Kelly Clarkson

If you're thinking of coming to America, this is what it's like: you've got your Comfort Inn, you've got your Best Western, and you've got your Red Lobster where you eat. Everybody's very fat, everybody's very stupid and everybody's very rude - it's not a holiday programme, it's the truth. — Jeremy Clarkson

I think one thing you could probably say for all my albums is that they're all pretty eclectic pop. There's always a little bit of urban influence, some dance, a little bit of country, singer-songwriter, pop-rock. I like everything! On every album you can find that. — Kelly Clarkson

When I went to Los Angeles right after high school, I got some acting jobs, and I never, ever wanted to be an actress! Public speaking and acting make me want to vomit. But I have never been nervous singing. When it comes to public speaking, I stumble on my words, sweat, and pull at my clothes. — Kelly Clarkson

They are by far the worst drivers. They are spiteful, dithering, old and in the way. They should have their licences taken away. — Jeremy Clarkson

By keeping her heart protected, she'll never ever feel rejected. — Kelly Clarkson

I took ten days off and by 11 o'clock on the first morning I had drunk fourteen cups of coffee, read all the newspapers and the Guardian and then ... and then what?
By lunchtime I was so bored that I decided to hang a few pictures. So I found a hammer, and later a man came to replaster the bits of wall I had demolished. Then I tried to fix the electric gates, which work only when there's an omega in the month. So I went down the drive with a spanner, and later another man came to put them back together again.
I was just about to start on the Aga, which had broken down on Christmas Eve, as they do, when my wife took me on one side by my earlobe and explained that builders do not, on the whole, spend their spare time writing, so writers should not build on their days off. It's expensive and it can be dangerous, she said. — Jeremy Clarkson

I think it's a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit. — Jeremy Clarkson

The fact is that Britain is the most warlike nation on earth. In the history of armed combat, we are the only democracy to have declared war on another democracy - England versus Finland in the second world war, in case you're interested - and we're always at the front of the queue when Johnny Foreigner gets a bit uppity. Who stood up to the Kaiser? Who stood up to Adolf? And let's not forget the Argies. What other country would have sent its fleet halfway round the world and lost 250 men to protect a flock of sheep and some oil that might or might not be there? We're still at it. — Jeremy Clarkson

Cows eat grass and silage. This is melting the ice caps and killing us all. So they need a new foodstuff: something that is rich in iron, calcium and natural goodness. Plainly they cannot eat meat so here is an idea to chew on. Why not feed them vegetarians? — Jeremy Clarkson

It won't be a volcano that ends man's existence on this planet. It'll be the no-win no-fee lawyers. They are the ones who brought Europe to a halt last week. They are the ones who made a simple trip from Berlin to London into a five-country, all-day hammer blow on your licence fee. They are the ones who must be stopped. — Jeremy Clarkson

Make a list of some things your children like you to do with them but aren't necessarily fun for you - playing a board game on the floor with a young child, going outside to throw a ball, sitting down with a child to read his or her creative story or to look at an artistic creation, and so on. Commit to saying yes to their requests instead of no, knowing that if you invest in what is important to them, they will be open to believing in what is important to you. — Sally Clarkson

Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, and that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is he's called the Stig. — Jeremy Clarkson

You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal. — Jeremy Clarkson

I think it kind of took being a character actor to kind of now enter into leading ladies. — Patricia Clarkson

Back in August 1960 an American pilot called Joe Kittinger climbed into the open gondola beneath a balloon called Excelsior III and floated up to 102,800 feet. At this point, 20 miles above the Earth in what is technically space, he jumped. Moments later he became the first man to go through the sound barrier without the benefit of a plane. It was, and still is, the highest parachute jump ever, and it proved you can 'abandon ship' even when you're in space. — Jeremy Clarkson

It was as relaxing as being tickled. — Jeremy Clarkson

I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. — Jeremy Clarkson

A challenging career suddenly seemed more productive to me because I could measure the results of my work. These precious little ones had endless needs. They were busy little sinful creatures who demanded all of my body, time, life, emotions, and attention! As much as I loved my children, I often felt like a failure. Surely someone else could do a better job with these precious ones than I. And what exactly was I supposed to be accomplishing anyway? Was I wasting my time? What had this husband, who professed to love me, done to me? — Sally Clarkson

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you've got the Ebola virus and you're about to sneeze. — Jeremy Clarkson

No really. If you only have seven years left, that means the Reaper will be dropping round for tea and buns in about 61,000 hours from now. You therefore shouldn't be wasting time by pootling to the garden centre at walking pace. So come on, grandad. The clock's ticking. Pedal to the metal. Or you'll be in your flowerbed before the plants you bought. — Jeremy Clarkson

Speed focuses the mind. It cuts through the fog of drab everyday living and keeps us on our toes. Speed works. Speed saves lives. Speed is good. And we should have more of it, not less. — Jeremy Clarkson

I think it would be hard to go the distance in this business without a sense of humor. — Patricia Clarkson

There's never been a safer time to go for a ride. Sadly, though, there's a problem. You see, cycling is seen now not as something that might be exhilarating or even useful but as a frontline propaganda weapon in the war on capitalism, banking, freedom, McDonald's, injustice, Swiss drug companies, rape and progress. Every morning London is chock-full of little individually wrapped Twiglets, their wizened faces contorted with hatred for all that they see. Fat people. Cars. Chain stores. It's all fascism. Fascism, d'you hear? From what they see as the moral high ground, they sneer at pedestrians, howl at buses, bang on cars, scream at taxi drivers and charge through every convention that defines society with their walnutty bottoms in the air and their stupid legs going nineteen to the dozen. — Jeremy Clarkson

Talent is a very potent aphrodisiac. When someone is incredibly gifted, I find them incredibly sexy. — Patricia Clarkson

God will never give you anything you can't handle, so don't stress. — Kelly Clarkson

You know, if Kelly Clarkson wants to do country albums because that's what inspires her, then let her do it. Look at Kanye West or Ludacris ... they aren't rappin' and cussin' like they were on their first few albums, so what does that make them? It's all in the eye of the beholder and the listener. We all use our outlet to grow ourself. — Luke Bryan