Chaplain Quotes & Sayings

The Bible says there is a time for peace and a time for war. Now is the time for war. I cannot wait to say it is now a time for peace." - MAJ James Brisson, Chaplain, 1-160th SOAR, 19 October 2001, Afghanistan — Oliver North

Tender Warrior," Adam replied and showed John the cover. "You can read it; I'm almost done. Check this out," he said, thumbing backward through the pages. "It was written by Stu Weber, a Vietnam veteran, Special Forces. He became a chaplain. — Eric Blehm

Molecular evidense suggests that our common ancestor with the chimpanzees lived, in Africa, between 5 and 7 million years ago, say half a million generations ago. This is not long by evolutionary standards. — Richard Dawkins

... everyone knew that sin was evil, and that no good could come from evil. But he did feel good; he felt positively marvellous. Consequently, it followed logically that telling lies and defecting from duty could not be sins. The chaplain had mastered, in a moment of divine intuition, the handy technique of protective rationalisation, and he was exhilarated by his discovery. It was miraculous. It was almost no trick at all, he saw, to turn vice into virtue and slander into truth, impotence into abstinence, arrogance into humility, plunder into philanthropy, thievery into honour, blasphemy into wisdom, brutality into patriotism, and sadism into justice. — Joseph Heller

Most people do not realize that there was a paid chaplain in Congress even before the Revolutionary War ended. — Francis Schaeffer

How wicked it would be, if we could, to call the dead back! She said not to me but to the chaplain, 'I am at peace with God.' She smiled, but not at me. Poi si torno all' eterna fontana. — C.S. Lewis

A large trencher made of bread was set on the table (one for every two people). One person sliced the trencher and kept half, and the other person used the second half as a plate. Plates are not found in England until the very end of the fourteenth century. Dinner began with a blessing from the chaplain followed by a procession led from the unoccupied side of the lord's table by the steward who oversaw the staff. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I don't think ministering requires a religious context. The number one thing is that every parent is extremely worried about their kid. Of course, when a chaplain shows up, that can exacerbate this worry rather than calm it. — John Green

I realized during my time as a chaplain that I didn't want to be a minister. — John Green

Once there, the chaplain closed the door and threw his arms around her. Alarmed, she jammed the heel of her pump into his foot. He let go with a howl and she fled. The incident was never spoken of again until she had daughters of her own. I can remember at about thirteen staring wide-eyed at my proper mother when she thought it time to tell me this cautionary tale. — Katherine Paterson

The Concord Coalition in Virginia complained about pork projects and wasteful spending in the federal budget. Consider the Senate chaplain's salary. As occupations go, only mind readers in Los Angeles have fewer things to do all day. — Argus Hamilton

In your dream you call for Chaplain Charlie. You met the Navy chaplain when you interviewed him for a feature article you were writing. Chaplain Charlie was an amateur magician. With his magic, Chaplain Charlie entertained Marines in sick bays and distributed spiritual tourniquets to men who were still alive, but weaponless. To brutal, godless children Chaplain Charlie spoke about how God is merciful, despite appearances, about how the Ten Commandments lack detail because when you're writing on stone tablets with lightning bolts you've got to be brief, about how the Free World will conquer Communism with aid of God and a few Marines, and about free fish. One day a Vietnamese child booby-trapped Chaplain Charlie's black bag of tricks. Chaplain Charlie reached in and pulled out a bright ball of death... — Gustav Hasford

In giving rise to man, the evolutionary process has, apparently for the first and only time in the history of the Cosmos, become conscious of itself.
So, the Devil's Chaplain might conclude, Stand tall, Bipedal Ape. The shark may outswim you, the cheetah outrun you, the swift outfly you, the capuchin outclimb you, the elephant outpower you, the redwood outlast you. But you have the biggest gifts of all: the gift of understanding the ruthlessly cruel process that gave us all existence; the gift of revulsion against its implications; the gift of foresight - something utterly foreign to the blundering short-term ways of natural selection - and the gift of internalizing the very cosmos. — Richard Dawkins

The only one who lived with the chaplain in his clearing in the woods was Corporal Whitcomb, his assistant. Corporal Whitcomb, an atheist, was a disgruntled subordinate who felt he could do the chaplain's job much better than the chaplain was doing it and viewed himself, therefore, as an underprivileged victim of social inequity. — Joseph Heller

I've been challenged by the action-oriented approach to Scripture proposed by Peter Marshall, former chaplain of the United States Senate. I wonder what would happen if we all agreed to read one of the Gospels until we came to a place that told us to do something, then went out to do it, and only after we had done it, began reading again? There are aspects of the Gospel that are puzzling and difficult to understand. But our problems are not centered around the things we don't understand, but rather in the things we do understand, the things we could not possibly misunderstand. Our problem is not so much that we don't know what we should do. We know perfectly well, but we don't want to do it.19 — Mark Batterson

You know what, citizens? If you don't have a gun - I'm telling you as a Christian chaplain - sell your clothes, and buy a gun. It's time! The government persecution will be coming against you, and you needs to arm yourselves ... — Gordon Klingenschmitt

A chaplain's assistant is customarily a figure of fun in the American Army. — Kurt Vonnegut

A chaplain's biggest gift is to be present and just listen. — Diane Johnson

The chaplain glanced at the bridge table that served as his desk and saw only the abominable orange-red, pear-shaped, plum tomato he had obtained that same morning from Colonel Cathcart, still lying on its side where he had forgotten it like an indestructible and incarnadine symbol of his own ineptitude. — Joseph Heller

A military chaplain told me the following story:
"'A soldier's little girl, whose father was being moved to a distant post, was sitting at the airport among her family's meager belongings.
"The girl was sleepy. She leaned against the packs and duffel bags.
"A lady came by, stopped, and patted her on the head.
"'Poor child,' she said. 'You haven't got a home.'
"The child looked up in surprise.
"But we do have a home,' she said. 'We just don't have a house to put it in. — Mitch Albom

A smile stretches across his [Pigpen] face. "Naw, but we had a chaplain over in Afghanistan. Cool son of a bitch. And he'd do this. Out of nowhere tell a story that would put it in perspective. — Katie McGarry

It is the church's job, as Dr.[Martin Luther] King says, to be the conscience of the state, not the chaplain of the state. — Shane Claiborne

And the chaplain was ready now to capitulate to despair entirely but was restrained by the memory of his wife, whom he loved and missed so pathetically with such sensual and exalted ardor, and by the lifelong trust he had placed in the wisdom and justice of an immortal, omnipotent, omniscient, humane, universal, anthropomorphic, English-speaking, Anglo-Saxon, pro-American God, which had begun to waver. — Joseph Heller

He lived long enough to give the chaplain his name - John Goetchius - but died before he could tell the kind man where his home was. — Katherine Paterson

What more she said, or what de Crucis answered, he could never afterward recall. He had a confused sense of having cried out a last unavailing protest, faintly, inarticulately, like a man struggling to make himself heard in a dream; then the room grew dark about him, and in its stead he saw the old chapel at Donnaz, with its dimly-gleaming shrine, and heard the voice of the chaplain, harsh and yet strangely shaken: - "My chief prayer for you is that, should you be raised to this eminence, it may be at a moment when such advancement seems to thrust you in the dust." Odo lifted his head and saw de Crucis standing alone before him. "I am ready," he said. — Edith Wharton

What a book a devil's chaplain might write on the clumsy, wasteful, blundering, low, and horribly cruel work of nature! — Charles Darwin

For most people, religion is nothing more than a substitute for a malfunctioning brain. If people need religion, ignore them and maybe they will ignore you, and you can go on with your life. It wasn't until I was beginning to do Star Trek that the subject of religion arose. What brought it up was that people were saying that I would have a chaplain on board the Enterprise. I replied, No, we don't. — Gene Roddenberry

Every one of us will go through things that destroy our inner compass and pull meaning out from under us. Everyone who does not die young will go through some sort of spiritual crisis, where we have lost our sense of what is right and wrong, possible and impossible, real and not real. Never underestimate how frightening, angering, confusing, devastating it is to be in that place. Making meaning of what is meaningless is hard work. Soul-searching is painful. This process of making or finding meaning at the end of life is what the chaplain facilitates. — Kerry Egan

Haven't you got anything humorous that stays away from waters and valleys and God? I'd like to keep away from the subject of religion altogether if we can."
The chaplain was apologetic. "I'm sorry, sir, but just about all the prayers I know are rather somber in tone and make at least some passing reference to God. — Joseph Heller

It was love at first sight. The first time Yossarian saw the chaplain he fell madly in love with him. — Joseph Heller

Let vice and immorality of every kind be discouraged as much as possible in your brigade; and, as a chaplain is allowed to each regiment, see that the men regularly attend during worship. Gaming of every kind is expressly forbidden, as being the foundation of evil, and the cause of many a brave and gallant officer's and soldier's ruin. — George Washington

Rarely, I discovered, does a minister have the opportunity to get as close to his congregation as can a chaplain to men at war. Seemingly unimportant problems, which in normal life would never even come to the clergyman's attention, can seriously affect the soldiers' morale. For men whose every living moment is a preparation for battle, a preparation perhaps for death, the chaplain can become a link to family and home. But the chaplain cannot become that important link to family and home by moving among the men with folded hands and bowed head quoting Scriptures at the drop of a hat. He must share with the men their day-today experiences and enter into them fully. Before he can gain the soldiers' confidence in him as a chaplain, he must gain their confidence and respect in him as a man. Visiting the men in their quarters below deck became one of my regular duties. Down below in the hold of the ship was my 'pastorate,' and almost daily I spent as much time there as possible. — Chaplain William C. Taggart

But
my dear, my heart is BROKEN! I have seen the perfect Peter Wimsey. Height, voice, charm, smile, manner, outline of features, everything
and he is
THE CHAPLAIN OF BALLIOL!! What is the use of anything? ...
I am absolutely shattered by this Balliol business. Such waste
why couldn't he have been an actor? — Dorothy L. Sayers

The chaplain of the Senate does not pray for the Senate. He watches the Senate and prays for the country. — Sam Levenson

An atheist chaplain would be the perfect vehicle for convincing wounded warriors that they should end their lives because there's nothing in the future and there's nothing now, so why not just save money and kill themselves. — Gordon Klingenschmitt

Chaplain," he continued, looking up, "we accuse you also of the commission of crimes and infractions we don't even know about yet. Guilty or innocent?" "I don't know, sir. How can I say if you don't tell me what they are?" "How can we tell you if we don't know?" "Guilty," decided the colonel. "Sure he's guilty," agreed the major. "If they're his crimes and infractions, he must have committed them. — Joseph Heller

There's a Chaplain who never visited the front. — Kurt Vonnegut

When I was 14 a chaplain at school gave me a reading list. I read everything and I went back to him with a question: how can you really believe in this stuff? — A.C. Grayling

The chaplain has a good life, an easy life. He is well educated, modestly
well-to-do, and awkwardly handsome. He has faced no particularly compelling
struggle, aside from frequently being dumped by women he wished to marry. His
friends and family are in good health. And, sometimes, when one is not blessed
with crisis, one must manufacture it. — John Green

He that preaches war is the devil's chaplain. — John Ray

Do you pray for the senators, Dr. Hale?' someone asked the chaplain. No, I look at the senators and I pray for the country. — Edward Everett Hale

Our responsibility is not to chaplain the state but to call the state to repentance and to surrender to the King who is Lord. Our responsibility is to be an alternative to the state. Christians would do far more good for our country by learning not to look to DC for solutions but to the glorious Son of God, who loves us and gave himself for us and, in doing so, gave us a whole new way of life - one not shaped by the power of force but the force of the gospel. — Brian Zahnd

I was in the Marine Corps in 1971. The idea 'Where does authority come from?' is fascinating to me. And also, the idea of a chaplain is fascinating to me because it's a man of the cloth in uniform, and it's the uniform of a killing machine. Back when I was in the Corps, when I saw that, I was amazed by it. — John Patrick Shanley

Baby, it's not spur of the moment, and I'm thinking just fine. I've loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you. We've already wasted too much time. Jace Montgomery, be mine forever. Marry me on our terms before we leave this island.Just say yes. If I could move, I'd hold you, kiss you, beg you to say yes. Please, go find the chaplain and let's do this thing, right now. I don't want to destroy that marriage certificate. I want it to be real. I want to marry you. I want to say the words 'I do' in front of witnesses. — Kindle Alexander

A prison chaplain in the West of England confessed he had given up one prisoner as hopeless, so stubborn was he against any approach by him, and known throughout the jail as the most truculent and obstinate troublemaker.
But one day the governor was told of a visitor who insisted on seeing him. To his surprise, it was a little girl. "He's my daddy," she explained, "It's his birthday." The governor allowed the prisoner to be sent for.
"Daddy," said the child as he was brought in, "this was your birthday, so I wanted to come and see you." Then taking a lock of hair out of her pocket, she offered it to him. "I had no money to buy a present for you. But I brought this, a lock of my own hair."
The prisoner broke down and clasped her in his arms, sobbing. He became a changed man after that and guarded, as his most precious possession, the lock of hair that reminded him that somebody still loved him. — Francis Gay

A chaplain is the minister of the Prince of Peace serving the host of the God of War
Mars. As such, he is as incongruous as a musket would be on the altar at Christmas. Why, then, is he there? Because he indirectly subserves the purpose attested by the cannon; because too he lends the sanction of the religion of the meek to that which practically is the abrogation of everything but brute Force. — Herman Melville

When in Reading Gaol he told me that the warders in the dock had been gentle and kind, but the visit of the chaplain in his first prison began with these words:
'Mr. Wilde, did you have morning prayers in your house?'
'I am sorry ... I fear not.'
'You see where you are now! — Charles Ricketts

This is my worst fear. It's not keeping my students safe from terrorists, it's knowing what to do when the Chaplain comes to take Johnny out of class because not letting the terrorists win means sometimes the good guys are going to die. And those good guys have kids, and they're sitting in my classroom. — Tucker Elliot

The men who wrote the First Amendment religion clause did not view paid legislative chaplains and opening prayers as a violation of that amendment ... the practice of opening sessions with prayer has continued without interruption ever since that early session of Congress. It can hardly be thought that in the same week the members of the first Congress voted to appoint and pay a chaplain for each House and also voted to approve the draft of the First Amendment ... (that) they intended to forbid what they had just declared acceptable. — Warren E. Burger

Turn pimp, flatterer, quack, lawyer, parson, be chaplain to an atheist, or stallion to an old woman, anything but a poet; for a poet is worse, more servile, timorous and fawning than any I have named. — William Congreve

You, Priest in your mufti, you are a chaplain to the self-satisfied. I come not to challenge Muad'Dib but to challenge you! Is your religion real when it costs you nothing and carries no risk? Is your religion real when you fatten upon it? Is your religion real when you commit atrocities in its name? Whence comes your downward degeneration from the original revelation? Answer me, Priest! — Frank Herbert

Jeremy Taylor, Charles I's personal chaplain, wrote a tract, The Rule and Exercises of Holy Living, in 1650 that illustrates that not much has changed in over 360 years. He characterised drunkenness by: Apish gestures. Much talking. Immoderate laughing. Dullness of sense. Scurrility, that is wanton jeering or abusive language. A useless understanding. Stupid sleep. Epilepsies, or — Simon Wills

If you like pray like a praying mantis or fast like a faxing machine, if you have no faith, you are just wasting your time and energy. — Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha

Not long ago I heard a Navy chaplain refer to the sage advice of the Apostle to put first things first ... If we are to heed the admonition to put first things first ... one of the main essentials which lies at the very beginning of civilization is that of security. — Calvin Coolidge

Christ came to take away our sins, not our minds. — William Sloane Coffin Jr.

Those who speak of harmony and consensus should beware of what one might call the industrial chaplain view of reality. The idea, roughly speaking, is that there are greedy bosses on one side and belligerent workers on the other, while in the middle, as the very incarnation of reason, equity and moderation, stands the decent, soft-spoken, liberal-minded chaplain who tries selflessly to bring the two warring parties together. But why should the middle always be the most sensible place to stand? Why do we tend to see ourselves as in the middle and other people as on the extremes? After all, one person's moderation is another's extremism. People don't go around calling themselves a fanatic, any more than they go around calling themselves Pimply. Would one also seek to reconcile slaves and slave masters, or persuade native peoples to complain only moderately about those who are plotting their extermination? What is the middle ground between racism and anti-racism? — Terry Eagleton

Chaplain Vega's a tall Mexican guy with a mustache that looks like it's about to jump off his face and fuck the first rodent it finds. Kind of mustache only a chaps could get away with in the military. — Phil Klay

The House of Commons starts its proceedings with a prayer. The chaplain looks at the assembled members with their varied intelligence and then prays for the country. — Alfred Denning, Baron Denning

I did not become a Christian to live the 50s and 60s all over a second time. Muslims have more rights and freedom of religion than I do as a Christian. Tell a Muslim he can't pray at school or at the airport or downtown when prayer time is called for, and see what happens. Tell a Muslim cleric serving as a chaplain in our brilliant military that he has to marry a same-sex couple, and see what happens. — Ken Hutcherson

I think it was so splendid in Father to go as a chaplain when he was too old to be drafted, and not strong enough for a soldier, said Meg warmly. — Louisa May Alcott

The chaplain had sinned, and it was good. Common sense told him that telling lies and defecting from duty were sins. On the other hand, everyone knew that sin was evil and that no good could come from evil. But he did feel good; he felt positively marvelous. Consequently, it followed logically that telling lies and defecting from duty could not be sins. The chaplain had mastered, in a moment of divine intuition, the handy technique of protective rationalization, and he was exhilarated by his discovery. It was miraculous. — Joseph Heller

Suppose that you didn't make your Easter duty and it's Pentecost Sunday, the last day, and you're on a ship at sea. And the chaplain goes into a coma! But you wanted to receive. And then it's Monday, too late ... But then you cross the International Date Line! Would that then be a sin then, Father? — George Carlin

The culture of sexual violence was so pervasive that even the prison chaplain was sexually assaulting women when they came to the chapel. — Bryan Stevenson

A soldier lives . . . A soldier lives a soldier dies a military chaplain sighs a flag is folded someone cries a general tells the truth or lies a politician simplifies a voice vote echoes only ayes reporters ask for hows and whys a spokesman has to improvise some doctrine somehow still applies negotiators compromise or don't as one more soldier dies. - Robert West — Dave Eggers

Donnaz and kept him there a whole summer adorning the banqueting-room. "But I advise you, little master," Bruno added, "not to talk too loudly of your discovery; for we live in changed days, do you see, and it seems those are pagan sorcerers and witches painted on the wall, and because of that, and their nakedness, the chaplain has forbidden all the young boys and wenches about the place to set foot there; and the Marchioness herself, I'm told, doesn't enter without leave." This was the more puzzling to Odo that he had — Edith Wharton

It isn't necessary to call me Father, the chaplain explained. I'm an Anabaptist. — Joseph Heller

The Governor was strong upon
The Regulation Act:
The Doctor said that Death was but
A scientific fact:
And twice a day the Chaplain called,
And left a little tract. — Oscar Wilde

As if from the back row of a smoky movie theater, she watched as they entered the kitchen and took their places on her mother's polished black and white linoleum. The Wing Commander, his face kind. His wife, sunglasses in the morning. People really do wring their hands when they are anxious. The Chaplain, specks of dried blood on his chin - a quick shave before the breaking of the hearts. — Penny McCann Pennington

Jefferson also founded the first intentionally secularized university in America. His vision for the University of Virginia was for education finally free from traditional Christian dogma. He had a disdain for the influence that institutional Christianity had on education. At the University of Virginia there was no Christian curriculum and the school had no chaplain. — Daryl C. Cornett