Burrito Quotes & Sayings

Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades. — Rick Riordan

Now, if you have never been hit by a flying burrito, count yourself lucky. In terms of deadly projectiles, it's right up there with grenades and cannonballs. — Rick Riordan

Maia pulled on a braid. "I ran into Eric of all people. He told me what happened and that you'd backed out of Millenium Lint's gigs for the past two weeks because of it."
"Actually, they changed their name," Jordan said. "They're Midnight Burrito now. — Cassandra Clare

Life without risks is like a burrito without Tabasco. Bland, but you'll still fart. — Martyn V. Halm

Well, the Taco Bell burrito scale of immense magnitude returned an 'r' factor of point eight six. Then when I applied the nose-picking coefficient, I discovered a multivariate numeration of nine dot oh sixteen on the Richter scale. — Debra Dunbar

ordered two crispy tacos, a bean burrito, and a medium Pepsi. At — Mark Owen

I have never been a nag. I have always been rather proud of my un-nagginess. So it pisses me off, that Nick is forcing me to nag. I am willing to live with a certain amount of sloppiness, of laziness, of the lackadaisical life. I realize I am more type A than Nick, and I try not to inflict my neat-freaky, to-do-list nature on him. Nick is not the kind of guy who is going to think to vacuum or clean out the fridge. He truly doesn't see that kind of stuff. Fine. Really. But I do like a certain standard of living - I think it's fair to say the garbage shouldn't literally overflow, the plates shouldn't sit in the sink for a week with smears of bean burrito dried on them. That is just being a good grown-up roommate. And Nick's doing anything anymore, so I nag, and it pisses me off: You are turning me into what I never have been and never wanted to be, a nag because you are not living up to your end of a very basic compact. Don't do that, It's not ok to do. — Gillian Flynn

Fuck me. I'm a rock star. And all I really wanted was a burrito. — Richard Kadrey

Holden was starting to feel like they were all monkeys playing with a microwave. Push a button, a light comes on inside, so it's a light. Push a different button and stick your hand inside, it burns you, so it's a weapon. Learn to open and close the door, it's a place to hide things. Never grasping what it actually did, and maybe not even having the framework necessary to figure it out. No monkey ever reheated a frozen burrito. So here the monkeys were, poking the shiny box and making guesses about what it did. — James S.A. Corey

Ironic, isn't it?"
"What?"
"Here I am, trying to survive WITH you, when before my whole plan was just trying to SURVIVE YOU."
"I'm not sure what that means. And I wish you'd stop talking in puzzles and just say normal things, because I've had a big shock. This morning I was looking at a YouTube video of a hamster eating a tiny burrito and now I'm floating on this stupid raft and my friends are dead so just keep that in mind. — Kathy Hepinstall

She smoothed the long sleeve of her tight, orange t-shirt. "What? You've never seen a woman wear more than one shirt before?"
Odin's mouth closed and opened a few times before words finally came out. "She's like a fuckin' seven layer burrito someone forgot was in the back of the fridge for six months."
She had to laugh. How could she not with such vivid imagery coming from someone who dressed like he was going on an unholy crusade at any moment? — Jennifer Turner

Being an actor is great; you chill in your trailer, and they bring you a breakfast burrito and coffee. But as director, you're responsible for every little thing. — Justin Chon

I'm a Fritos Burrito guy. Me and Taco Bell have a love relationship on Twitter; they follow me. Out of 16 people they follow me, so I'm very loyal to my girlfriend, Taco Bell. — Jacob Whitesides

I think that every once in a while, God ventures out for a cosmic burrito of ghost peppers and moon cats. The next day he craps out a giant flaming ball of gas. Those are the stars. The planets are remnants of other meals, grilled lava sandwiches or basalt burgers with Saturn rings. The universe is God's infinite toilet, and we are the bacteria clinging to his fecal matter. — Jon D. Gold

Everything teeters between pathos and bathos: here you are, violating society's most fundamental taboos and yet formaldehyde is a powerful appetite stimulant, so you also crave a burrito. — Paul Kalanithi

My Saturday Night. My Saturday night is like a microwave burrito. Very tough to ruin something that starts out so bad to begin with. — Michael Chabon

Finn was an enigma wrapped in a riddle coated in misdirection. He was a burrito of dishonesty. — Molly Harper

The first time I ever got recognized, I was at Chipotle eating a face full of burrito, and a fan started filming me and said, 'Oh my gosh, that's the girl from 'Nerdy Nummies!' They kind of waved a little, and I waved back with a burrito in my mouth. — Rosanna Pansino

For the record," Miriam says, "I'm a supremely vulgar human being and even I think bearded taco is a disgusting term. My vagina is a beautiful flower, thank you very much, not a pube-shellacked burrito. Uck. — Chuck Wendig

I don't think food safety laws are going to protect you from a third carnitas burrito," Hanson said. "That's not about food safety. It's about pork fat overload. — John Scalzi

My Saturday night is like a microwave burrito. Very tough to ruin something that starts out so bad to begin with. As — Michael Chabon

I am in love with this burrito. I would marry it if I didn't want to eat it so badly."
"The tragedy of true love," Cade whispered. — Cora Carmack

Everyone had taken their places, when I excused myself to visit the bathroom, and there, in the toilet, was the absolute biggest turd I have ever seen in my life - no toilet paper or anything, just this long and coiled specimen, as thick as a burrito. — David Sedaris

You should go order a sweet roll. Those are to die for. And a carne adovada burrito."
His mouth thinned. "Should I order something else to drink?"
"Yes! A diet whatever. No! A mocha latte. No!" I held up my hand to put him in pause so I could think. "Yes, a mocha latte."
"Are you finished?" he asked, rising to go place his order. He was really hungry.
"Yes. No! Yes. I'm good with that. I have a busy afternoon ahead of me, and I need all the energy I can get. And I need you to be my wingman."
"This should be interesting," he said, sauntering off like he owned the place.
By the time he got back, his fries had disappeared. It was weird. — Darynda Jones

I wrapped up the remaining half burrito and tossed it into the trash can. Molly watched this act of wastefulness with an expression like she had just seen her entire family die in a fire. — David Wong

It killed humans, therefore it was a weapon. But radiation killed humans, and a medical X-ray machine wasn't intended as a weapon. Holden was starting to feel like they were all monkeys playing with a microwave. Push a button, a light comes on inside, so it's a light. Push a different button and stick your hand inside, it burns you, so it's a weapon. Learn to open and close the door, it's a place to hide things. Never grasping what it actually did, and maybe not even having the framework necessary to figure it out. No monkey ever reheated a frozen burrito. — James S.A. Corey

Eating a burrito is like eating a living, breathing organism - you can feel the burrito's ingredients sigh inside with each bite, each squeeze. — Gustavo Arellano

I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito. — Mitch Hedberg

This is a combo between Taco and Burrito, nacho! — Lisi Harrison

I'm out of the room in the next instant, like a man wanting breath, after suffocating through the horror of a burrito eating obese man's fart." - Emily Dolt — Nix Banner

I stared at the doors and rewound the evening wondering how I got myself in this latest predicament. Without lemon drops to blame (I had diet with my spicy beef burrito), I could only blame the power tools. Now what normal girl got turned on by power tools? I was so weird! — Kristen Ashley

My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco, — Janet Evanovich

Rummage around in the freezer. "Burritos?" "Hammer having a party tonight?" We look at each other and then the burrito. I toss it back into the freezer. "Right. Nothing says sexy like ripping one while you're trying to close the deal. — Jen Frederick

When I created Chipotle in 1993, I had a very simple idea: Offer a simple menu of great food prepared fresh each day, using many of the same cooking techniques as gourmet restaurants. Then serve the food quickly, in a cool atmosphere. It was food that I wanted, and thought others would like too. We've never strayed from that original idea. The critics raved and customers began lining up at my tiny burrito joint. Since then, we've opened a few more. — Steve Ells

They convinced our mothers that if a food item came in a bottle
or a can or a box or a cellophane bag
then it was somehow better for you than when it came to you free of charge via Mother Nature ... An entire generation of us were introduced in our very first week to the concept that phony was better than real, that something manufactured was better than something that was right there in the room. (Later in life, this explained the popularity of the fast food breakfast burrito, neocons, Kardashians, and why we think reading this book on a tiny screen with only three minutes of battery life left is enjoyable. — Michael Moore

In the wake of the Patriot Act, during the second administration of George W., you made a series of small, handheld weapons. The rule was that each weapon had to be assembled from household items within minutes. You'd been gay-bashed before, two black eyes while waiting in line for a burrito (you ran after him, of course). Now you thought, if the government comes for its citizens, we should be prepared, even if our weapons are pathetic. Your art-weapons included a steak knife affixed to a bottle of ranch dressing and mounted on an axe handle, a dirty sock sprouting nails, a wooden stump with a clump of urethane resin stuck to one end with dull bolts protruding from it, and more. — Maggie Nelson

A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef. — Mitch Hedberg

They wrapped her up like a baby burrito to show to Mom. Here were a mother and her daughter and I love them both so much. I couldn't wait for Courtney to come to the hospital so I could have all my women together. — Al Roker

Of course, eating these food items is not what I might describe as pleasant, since they're tough and scorched and moistureless from their all-day cooking on high-temperature rollers. Sometimes biting through a burrito's thick tortilla casing can feel like chewing through your own toe calluses." "That's an image that's going to linger. — Nathan Hill

There's and entire world outside these bleak pages, one full of SUNRISES and KITTY-CATS and late-night BURRITO RUNS and the horrible, creaking amble of us all towards DEATH. It is to that world that I am afraid I must release you to now. — David Malki

all monkeys playing with a microwave. Push a button, a light comes on inside, so it's a light. Push a different button and stick your hand inside, it burns you, so it's a weapon. Learn to open and close the door, it's a place to hide things. Never grasping what it actually did, and maybe not even having the framework necessary to figure it out. No monkey ever reheated a frozen burrito. So — James S.A. Corey

There has never been a shrimp that I've eaten that I haven't been like, 'I am so lucky that I get to eat this.' I would eat a shrimp enchilada, shrimp burrito, shrimp cocktail, fried shrimp, shrimp po boy, shrimp gumbo. — Isabel Gillies

You could buy a burrito there, a lottery ticket, batteries, tests for various diseases. You could do voice-mail, e-mail, send faxes. It had occurred to Laney that this was probably the only store for miles that sold anything that anyone ever really needed; the others all sold things that he couldn't even imagine wanting. — William Gibson

You talk about her as if she is the Notre Dame Cathedral!" "She is. And the Statue of Liberty and Abbey Road and the best burrito of your life. Didn't you know? — Barbara Kingsolver

They say California's the big burrito; Texas is a big taco right now. We want to follow that through. Florida is a big tamale. — Dan Rather

Even your breakfast burrito plays a role; Lieberman's investigations had revealed that as our diet shifted over the centuries from chewy stuff like raw roots and wild game and gave way to mushy cooked staples like spaghetti and ground beef, our faces began to shrink. Ben Franklin's face was chunkier than yours; Caesar's was bigger than his. — Christopher McDougall

That was Big Fucking Mistake Number Two.
Ten minutes later, he heard Zoe coughing on the monitor and realized that he'd forgotten to keep her upright after he'd fed her. He ran into her room and scooped her up just in time for her to throw up all over both of them, a full-out, volcanic-style heaving that spewed out of her mouth and nose. Which was doubly disconcerting because, (A) holy shit, no one had ever warned him that something so tiny and cute could puke like a drunken frat boy who'd just gorged on a double-stuffed burrito, and (B) now Zoe was hollering like a banshee-Who left the dumbass in charge of me? Help!- — Julie James

A burrito is a delicious food item that breaks down all social barriers and leads to temporary spiritual enlightenment. — Lisi Harrison

I'll have the Walk of Shame burrito. — Tracy March

Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president. Yesterday in Ohio, Hillary popped into a Chipotle and she ordered a burrito bowl with chips and salsa. And on her way out she said, 'That locks down the Hispanic vote.' — Conan O'Brien

Total confusion, disconnected nothing, absolute bewilderment. It's an enigma wrapped in a mystery, stuffed in a burrito, and smothered in taco sauce. — Russ Gregory

Most of us have to spend a lot of energy to learn how to drive a car. Then we have to spend the rest of our lives over-concentrating as we drive and text and eat a burrito and put on makeup. As a result, 30,000 people die every year in a car accident in the U.S. — Astro Teller

When I'm treating myself, it's a full-on burrito, all loaded up! — Jenna Ushkowitz

Men, they have the two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, you fix him the burrito. - Rosita Rivera, who was well acquainted with politicians and men — Lois Greiman

Listen, I'll share some of the wisdom I learned over the years. When you near the end of your life ... when you're a lonely old man ... you start realizing what your accomplishments are really worth. The most brilliant clue I ever deciphered, the millions I earned
even the microwavable burrito itself
sometimes I think I'd be willing to trade all of it for a single hug of someone who truly loves me. — Margaret Peterson Haddix

Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think "how can you make a joke about this?" — Daniel Tosh

Even if I'm gone all day, breakfast is the one meal I always cook for my kids. I make French toast, oatmeal, or an egg burrito. — Gabrielle Reece

But I do like a certain standard of living - I think it's fair to say the garbage shouldn't literally overflow, and the plates shouldn't sit in the sink for a week with smears of bean burrito dried on them. That's just being a good grown-up roommate. And Nick's not doing anything anymore, so I have to nag, and it pisses me off: — Gillian Flynn

Everybody likes to have a place to think, to meditate, to eat a burrito ... — Sherman Alexie

She can be a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, inside a conundrum, rolled in a frito burrito. In other words, a total freaking mystery to anyone who isn't gifted with mind-reading abilities. — Michael Makai

I wanted a frozen burrito. Sara died for that. — Brandon Sanderson

And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito. — Christopher Moore

I don't know what the exact physical dynamics are that cause a shower curtain to attach itself to your body when you turn on the water but, since my shower was surrounded on all sides by curtains, I turned on the water and became a vinyl, vacuum-sealed sheriff burrito. — Craig Johnson

Everybody drinks," she said calmly. The Only Rational One.
"Your sister doesn't."
When rolled her eyes. "Forgive me, but I'm not going to spend my college years sitting soberly in my dorm room, writing about gay magicians."
"Objection," Cath said, reaching for a burrito. — Rainbow Rowell

In our society, we often tend to ignore what our bodies are telling us and instead are encouraged to medicate the symptoms with sleeping pills, stool softeners, a few beers, and a burrito. The problem with this approach is that whatever your body is trying to tell you gets lost beneath your attempts to cover it up. — Melissa Grabau