Breakup Humor Quotes & Sayings

Isn't it funny how the memories you cherish before a breakup can become your worst enemies afterwards? The thoughts you loved to think about, the memories you wanted to hold up to the light and view from every angle
it suddenly seems a lot safer to lock them in a box, far from the light of day and throw away the key. It's not an act of bitterness. It's an act if self-preservation. It's not always a bad idea to stay behind the window and look out at life instead, is it? — Ally Condie

If you're going to be a dickhead, at least have the courtesy of doing it while I have a drink in my hand so I can throw it in your face! — Nicki Elson

The boy she'd once loved was gone, and she'd accept it. But even if she didn't want Eric back, he'd hurt her. He was the enemy, and the Universal Girl Code stipulated friends should band together in hating the ****** till death. — Melissa Landers

I rein myself in. I'm already breaking up with the guy. I don't have to ruin his favorite movie. — Philip Siegel

If this constant bitter disappointment was love, then I was perfectly fine not to have anything to do with it. — Vann Chow

I tried for a decade not to feel anything," I said. I didn't wipe away the tear that broke free. He'd already seen me cry. Erwin had seen me in literally every humor except perfectly happy. I had nothing to hide. "Why are you making this happen?"
He leaned in and we opened the space between ourselves once more just so he could kiss the tear away from my cheek. You sonofabitch, I mouthed but did not say.
"Are you sure it's all me? — Vee Hoffman

He wanted to break up with me in the cafeteria? Fat chance. I leaned toward him and touched his arm in a girlfriend sort of way. "If you planned to stage a public breakup with me, you can forget it."
Amusement showed in his hazel eyes. "Think you can stop me? — Chris Cannon

You told me men don't do this."
"Do what?"
She walked around the counter, speaking animatedly. "Two years ago. We were at Firelight, having drinks. Cade and I had split up and you said that men don't mope around after a breakup. You said that men avoid issues, get drunk, and pick up a new girl to forget the old one - but that you don't brood."
Ford held out his hands in disbelief. "How do you remember that? And I'm not brooding."
She folded her arms across her chest and looked at him.
"I know you're my friend," he said. "But please, for once, can you just act like you have a penis?
Because I don't want to talk about this."
She shrugged. "Fine. We'll just sit here and listen to music." She reached for his phone again.
"Have you heard Taylor Swift's new song?"
"No."
"Well, you're going to - on endless repeat until you start talking. — Julie James

I think I was about to say that if I ever see Eliza again - and the fact that this is even a remote possibility is - I don't know what it is, a goddamn miracle, maybe? After I kiss her and hold her and let her touch my chest, I'm going to hang her upside down and employ Chinese water torture until she promises never to be so stupid again. — Tiffanie DeBartolo

You and I both know that love is for children,' he said. 'We're adults. Compatibility is for adults.'
'Compatibility is for my Bluetooth and my car,' Teresa replied. 'Only they get along just fine, and my car never makes my bluetooth feel like shit. — Maggie Stiefvater

Divorce is not always a doorway to happiness. The same can be said about marriage. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana