Best Waitress Quotes & Sayings

A sacred picture of Saint Anthony alone is one vertical, unwavering band of light. If a cockroach were near him, or a cocktail waitress, the picture would be two such bands of light. Our awareness is all that is alive and maybe sacred in any of us. Everything else about us is just dead machinery. — Kurt Vonnegut

The waitress scuttles away, and I make a shooing motion at the old couple who're still glaring.
"Don't you have something to better to work on?" I hiss. "Like golfing or eating prunes or dying?"
The old lady looks shocked.
"Okay, sorry, not dying. But seriously, prunes are good for you. — Sara Wolf

I spent a lot of time listening to people. But it's also true that I liked details and listening to people when I was a bartender and when I was a waitress and probably when I was a babysitter as well. I suspect that's part of what drew me to psychotherapy rather than the other way around. — Amy Bloom

I got lost a lot, and I was a really bad waitress ... I got lost on the subway. — Piper Perabo

As a coping mechanism, or as a way to make a little hard count by shilling demons in the shadows, I try not to belittle the thought process of the conspiracy theorists. As a cocktail waitress in Vegas once schooled me: never get down on anybody else's hustle. — John Ridley

The waitress looked a little awkward. "Is all that for both you and your sister? — J.R. Ward

I had a meal in Pizza Hut and the waitress told me I didn't need to pay. So I decided to be a bit cheeky and ask for more pizza and garlic bread. — Gareth Gates

I wanted to be a comedian. I wanted to meet waitresses and felt that being a comedian was my best way to go about it and I was right. — Dana Gould

My parents would take my sister and me out for dinner now and then, and while waiting for the food to be served, would point out the oldest, most harried looking waitress in the place, saying sternly, Be sure you get a good education, so you don't have to do that when you're fifty! — Diana Gabaldon

As a former waitress myself, I know firsthand how a simple smile from someone can improve your day and how a single harsh word can destroy it. Being courteous and thoughtful costs you nothing and can sometimes pay you dividends in unexpected ways. — Susanna Kearsley

Look, I realize both of you could happily strangle each other across the table, but I don't think that's the most effective use of our time, and frankly, I don't think I have enough money to tip the waitress for that kind of clean-up. And look, here's lunch. Let's eat that instead of eachother. — Maggie Stiefvater

No problem, dear," Phil said with a smile. It was a nice smile. A few years ago, it might have been returned, but nope, not today. Phil kept his eyes on her for maybe a second too long, though Wendy didn't think the girl noticed. Once the waitress was out of sight, Phil lifted his bottle toward Wendy. She picked up hers and clinked bottles and decided to stop this dance. "Phil, — Harlan Coben

The best thing about being 45 is not taking myself so seriously. Do I miss the package I came in at 25? I do. Gravity is no one's friend. Yet the perspective I've gained is so worth the wear and tear. What would have mortified me at 25 is now simply fodder for a funny, relatable story. Also? I was a waitress at 25, and now I'm an author. Forty-five is definitely better. — Jen Lancaster

I always thought moving to New York would mean starting over in theater, because I had great work in Chicago and didn't want to become a waitress here. — Jessie Mueller

I grew up thinking that because I couldn't read, I was stupid and would never amount to anything. I worked my way through college as a waitress and thought I wasn't capable of doing anything else. My grades in English were horrible, and I barely got through. — Suze Orman

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick. — Jay Mohr

Women, he would say, are not Muses. Muses are Muses. To confuse one with the other is to mistake the Devouring Void for the Seminal Light. Earthly Women and the Muses are ancient, sworn enemies. The battlefield is the Creative Male. On the one side is the encampment of Discordia, of Diana, of Venus located in his Heart and in his Groin. On the other is the Bastion of Calliope, Clio, Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene, Polyhymnia, Terpsichore, Thalia and Urania, in his Brain and in his Mind. The Muses are tolerant and understanding of border raids, skirmishes, and harassing maneuvers. Throughout the history of the Male Light, there have been few painters, few writers, who have not had a She Who Must Be Accommodated. For some it was their mothers. For many their wives, their mistresses, their girlfriends. For many it was their daughters, a favourite waitress, a stripper, a whore. To the Muses, they are all one. Mother, whore, wife, daughter, stripper, waitress, mistress, girlfriend. — Dave Sim

The waitress brought me another drink. She wanted to light my hurricane lamp again. I wouldn't let her.
"Can you see anything in the dark, with your sunglasses on?" she asked me.
"The big show is inside my head," I said. — Kurt Vonnegut

The red haired waitress arrived with their drinks, dancing about the table as she placed their orders in front of them. "Hiya, keeds. Peachy place, ain't it?" Before anyone could respond, she kicked her heels in the air and flitted off again.
Waldo lit up a cigarette and tasted his drink. "Listen, I don't think we ought to stay here very long...."
"No shit, Sherlock!" Brisbane chortled. "But first I want to have a little fun. I think I'm gonna talk to some of these guys."
The fredneck left the table and walked over to a group of five men, all of them clad in the old baseball uniforms that were apparently quite popular at The One Year Wonder And All-Around Oddity Bar. They were huddled together on one side of the bar, and Brisbane broke into their conversation with a burst of fredneck chutzpah. — Donald Jeffries

I was raised by my grandparents, and they always made sure that I had a pencil and some paper, whether we were in the car or at a restaurant. While they were enjoying a nice meal, I would be sitting there drawing funny pictures of the waitress. — Jarrett J. Krosoczka

One of the best pieces of advice we've heard for spotting potentially abusive people (spouses, dates, friends etc.) is to watch how they treat waiters and waitresses. No one expects you to become friends or even chatty with your server, but a waiter or waitress is a professional too and deserves to be treated with the same respect as a peer. — Becky Blanton

The waitress serving the wedding party was a short young blonde. She took their orders efficiently and delivered everyone's food correctly. "If
only she knew my story," Melora mused. then she thought again, "Better yet,
maybe she's in the middle of her own story." Who knew what things might have
happened already on the island to this typical college-age waitress. — Marie Zhuikov

I get back in the Continental and continue down the road to the cafe. Then I pull in and there's Larry Johnson's '57 Ford pickup in the parking lot. As I enter the little cafe, I see Larry and Briggs in the corner, drinking some coffee and having a late breakfast. I go right over and sit down with them. We don't say much. David says something about Kirby getting a job at one of the studios. Kirby is very good with his hands and can fix anything, plus he has a very friendly personality. We are happy for him. Larry has to make a call and gets up, heading for the pay phone in the corner. He has us get him another coffee when the waitress comes back. Briggs looks at me and asks what I've been doing. — Neil Young

I was a waitress years ago when I was first trying to become an actress, waiting tables in New York City. — Kim Dickens

I wasn't the best waitress in the world, but I was cheerful and worked hard. — Lucy Alibar

I think I'm a kind of a person who works hard at whatever I do, literally from being a waitress to being on television. I always try to give 110 percent to whatever it is I'm doing. — Teri Hatcher

The guy said industry slang for flight attendant was Space Waitress. Or Air Mattress. — Chuck Palahniuk

"You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress." — Greg Giraldo

For seven years after college, I was a waitress at the Buttercup Bakery in Berkeley, and from there I got a job at Merrill Lynch as an account executive, from where I went to vice president of investments for Prudential-Bache Securities. I started my own firm in 1987. — Suze Orman

I believe in peace, Bitch. — Tori Amos

Auditioning for television shows - to find a guy who has a lot of experience as a laborer is a bit of an anomaly. We do exist.I know several other actors who have made their living, instead of a waitress job, framing houses or blacktopping roads. — Nick Offerman

The waitresses who make the best tips are usually the most friendly and outgoing, the ones who manage to establish a rapport with their tables, even if they are juggling 10 tables at one time and dealing with some pretty dreadful jerks. Being a successful waitress requires an extroverted charm and charisma, which INFPs might have, but likely only show to their closest friends and family. Furthermore, working around so many other people, both employees and patrons, in a fast-paced environment would leave INFPs absolutely drained. — Alan Holmes

I get tired of hearing it's a crummy world and that people are no damned good. What kind of talk is that? I know a place in Payette, Idaho, where a cook and a waitress and a manager put everything they've got into laying a chicken-fried steak on you. — Robert Fulghum

After the waitress left, I rounded on him. "what, can't I eat food?"
"you could. Probably five or six whole bites before you had to purge it. your digestive track has been altered. Pretend to drink your hot chocolate."
I slouched lower in the booth, my arms over my chest. "but I really like food. It's the best part about being here in this world. — Kalayna Price

This country can't have everything. — Nicola Yoon

Along the way, I've worked as a waitress, I've done phone surveys, and worked as a receptionist, and for the last twenty years I've taught. When I was an actor, the key was to find a job that kept your days free to audition. — Debra Dean

Selena between them at a long counter overlooking the dance floor. Backs to the D.J. booth, they faced the door. Two other homicide detectives, hand-picked by Lt. Lee, posed as a waitress and a bouncer, covering the crowd and the door. The composite the police sketch artist had created with Selena's help burned in their brains, but nothing so far. "This is not nearly — Victoria Heckman

I love people and want to be good to people. If I'm in restaurant and somebody doesn't treat a waitress right, I literally will leave. I will unfriend you. You are not my friend anymore. — Kristen Stewart

Once a waitress, always a waitress. — Sandra Bullock

The waitress came by with a pot of black coffee. She was a smallish woman, about forty, still had some of her looks left, but she had a hardness to her face. Money and bad men were the only things that left that much stone in a woman. I nudged my cup in her direction, and she served her purpose in life. — L. Joseph Shosty

what are you?" he asked. "I'm a waitress. — Charlaine Harris

You can't come out of drama school and think, 'It's all going to be amazing.' You have to expect to work in a bar for at least five years and be a waitress for maybe two! — Emilia Clarke