Best Victoria Wood Quotes & Sayings

Last time I went Intercity there were a couple across the aisle having sex. Of course, this being a British train, nobody said anything. Then they finished, they both lit up a cigarette and this woman stood up and said, Excuse me, I think you'll find this is a non-smoking compartment. — Victoria Wood

I've made great friends through acting. When I'm with Victoria Wood and Julie Walters, we have grand fun. We can make each other howl with laughter because we know each other so well. — Celia Imrie

I've always been criticised for how filthy my material is. Victoria Wood said to me once, 'I wish I was a bit ruder, like you,' and I said, 'Well, I wish I was a bit cleaner, like you.' — Jo Brand

I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts. — Victoria Wood

Music enriches people's lives in the same way paintings and literature do. Everybody deserves that. — Victoria Wood

My massage was marvellous. I feel really relaxed. And my masseur, Harold :You can't have a masseur called Harold. It's like having a member of the Royal Family called Ena. — Victoria Wood

I remember the feel and smell and taste of him. Heat and wood smoke and sunrise, but no longer. Cal smells like blood, his skin is ice, and I tell myself I don't want to taste him ever again. — Victoria Aveyard

If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony. — Victoria Wood

A lot of panel programmes rely on men topping each other, or sparring with each other, which is not generally a very female thing. — Victoria Wood

Everyone I meet is gay, married or crackers — Victoria Wood

Sexual harassment at work ... is it a problem for the self-employed? — Victoria Wood

Music is an element that should be part and parcel of every child's life via the education system. — Victoria Wood

I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex - I'm not saying I couldn't use someone to oil the mower. — Victoria Wood

People always think I hate doing interviews. I don't. I wouldn't do them if I didn't like them. — Victoria Wood

I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill. — Victoria Wood

I used to make my own food and ate on my own in my room. — Victoria Wood

All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro. — Victoria Wood

In my 20s I was going round seeing agents who were patronising because I was fat and a girl, which was a double whammy. I knew what it was to feel out-of-the-loop. — Victoria Wood

Of course I don't want to go to a cocktail party ... If I wanted to stand around with a load of people I don't know eating bits of cold toast I can get caught shoplifting and go to Holloway [women's prison]. — Victoria Wood

Life is a windowless room in the Hotel Bellevue. — Victoria Wood

Oh all the time when Victoria Wood and I did our series. There were people asking 'Can women be funny?' People still ask that. It's like asking: 'Can women breathe in and out?' — Julie Walters

Acting is not my favourite thing. I don't like wearing costumes and wigs. — Victoria Wood

I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance. — Victoria Wood

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. — Victoria Wood

I haven't got a waist. I've just got a sort of place, a bit like an unmarked level crossing. — Victoria Wood

Well, I think there's not much of a chance for me finding somebody of my age. Gentlemen of my age are dropping down 30 years to find girlfriends. — Victoria Wood

In my day we didn't have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television. — Victoria Wood

If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder. — Victoria Wood

You know daytime television? You know what it's supposed to be for? It's to keep unemployed people happy. It's supposed to stop them running to the social security demanding mad luxuries like cookers and windows. — Victoria Wood

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle? — Victoria Wood