Best Smartass Quotes & Sayings

Smartass Disciple: Master, why do some people so stubborn and unruly ?
Master of Stupidity: Only when you want them do according to your wish. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Does stupidity a sin?
Master of Stupidity: No stupidity, no sin. — Toba Beta

I got body snatched by an alien." McClane grumbled a protest. "A sentient alien armor and weapons system," Riley clarified. "Very sophisticated. Very unique. Very much a smartass. His name's McClane — J. Fally

Science can't predict what stories my children's great grandchildren will tell. The ultimate story about the experience of our journey into consciousness is a closed book to theologians and scientists alike, but it is not a book without promise. At this point we've barely cracked the introduction, and already smartass scientists and theologians pretend they know not just how the story started but how it ends - and worse - what it means or doesn't mean. — Frank Schaeffer

Smartass Disciple: How the hell do we find the truth ?
Master of Stupidity: Just seek it with hope it'll find you. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, how could I know that you've told me the whole truth?
Master of Stupidity: Someday. [Never on earth. Otherwise I'd lose you and my job] — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, you should teach people not to do war to each other.
Master of Stupidity: I should teach people how to win their minds of their wars. — Toba Beta

Emma pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Okay, here's a really bad analogy for you. Aidan is like the Indy 500 of Sex, and I need someone who is more - "
"Bumper cars?" Casey asked.
"I was going to say the slow lane, smartass. — Katie Ashley

Jehovah's Witness? Don't sweat it. I'm going to hell, already booked my ticket. Bright side? I'm pagan. Your hell is my heaven ... if for no other reason than you won't be there. — Dennis Sharpe

Smartass Disciple: Master, why God let human did sins in the beginning?
Master of Stupidity: If the saviour must come, why should He prevent that? — Toba Beta

Please, Eve, these public displays of affection must stop. I have a reputation."
"Keep it up, ace, and I'll give you a public display of affection that'll have you limping for a week."
"Now I'm excited. — J.D. Robb

You're arrogant, domineering, egotistical, and disdainful of the law."
He lifted one amused brow. "And your point would be? — J.D. Robb

A stupid person can make only certain, limited types of errors; the mistakes open to a clever fellow are far broader. But to the one who knows how smart he is compared to everyone else, the possibilities for true idiocy are boundless. — Steven Brust

Smartass Disciple: What were said for things before the time exist?
Master of Stupidity: No words to be said by no man at no time at all. — Toba Beta

Tanner: I think that I might kiss you to keep your lips busy with something other than insulting me.
Ella: If you think you can do it without getting lost. — Melissa Lemon

We'll call ourselves Victorious Secret and our motto will be 'We Live to Spank You.' Duuude. Yes! I'm basically the smartest person in the world. Ever. You in? Of course you're in. Practice begins tomorrow. — Gena Showalter

Don't. I'm all sweaty and bloody," I protested.
"Heavens, not sweat and blood," he replied mockingly. I managed to smile. Smartass vampire. — Jeaniene Frost

I think I fell in love with you," Rhys murmured, stroking a finger down my arm, "the moment I realized you were cleaving those bones to make a trap for the Middengard Wyrm. Or maybe the moment you flipped me off for mocking you. It reminded me so much of Cassian. For the first time in decades, I wanted to laugh." "You fell in love with me," I said flatly, "because I reminded you of your friend?" He flicked my nose. "I fell in love with you, smartass, because you were one of us - because you weren't afraid of me, and you decided to end your spectacular victory by throwing that piece of bone at Amarantha like a javelin. I felt Cassian's spirit beside me in that moment, and could have sworn I heard him say, 'If you don't marry her, you stupid prick, I will.' " I huffed a laugh, sliding my paint-covered hand over his tattooed chest. Paint - right. We were both covered in it. So was the bed. Rhys — Sarah J. Maas

In the vast game of Darwinian musical chairs, whenever the music stopped there were large numbers of people without a seat - and some smartass had sold them guns. — Daniel Suarez

Smartass Disciple: Master, I don't need a fairytale.I need you to tell me the truth.
Master of Stupidity: It is not funny if you just found it. No drama if no lost at first. — Toba Beta

You are all wave particles when I close my eyes. I am no more entranced by your entanglement than a butterfly is to a bee. — Solange Nicole

She looked into Matt's eyes. 'Even so, I love you.'
Matt smiled at her and winked. 'I know.'
Celeste and Julie both smacked him.
'This would be an appropriate time not to be a dork or a smartass,' Julie said.
Celeste popped her head into the front seat. 'Be the hero, Matty. Come on. You're supposed to be the hero now. The romantic lead.'
'I know that, too,' he said. Matt did not hesitate a moment longer. 'Julie, I love you. I absolutely love you.'
'Good,' Celeste said, satisfied. 'Now it's time to jump. — Jessica Park

I remind myself that if there was anything in the air that would react with my body, it would've reacted with the scanner. What I really want right now is a second scanner to scan this scanner. — Hugh Howey

A smart terminal is not a smartass terminal, but rather a terminal you can educate. — Rob Pike

Smartass Disciple: Master, I'm going to change the whole world.
Master of Stupidity: It changes within you. It changes without you. — Toba Beta

It startled him even more when just after he was awarded the Galactic Institute's Prize for Extreme Cleverness he got lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally realized that the one thing they really couldn't stand was a smartass. — Douglas Adams

Smartass Disciple: Master, what will happen to the men right after their death ?
Master of Stupidity: They live with a same or different part of their consciousness. — Toba Beta

It's an expensive place. The cheapest salad is twenty-five dollars."
"I hope that comes with extra croutons and a hand job. — Andrea Speed

Smartass Disciple: What were you thinking when the truth is revealed unto you?
Master of Stupidity: I wasn't thinking. I was having sex when it came to my mind. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, tell me what is it beyond this universe ?
Master of Stupidity: No 'space' in no 'gravity'. No 'thing' in spaceless. — Toba Beta

There's nothing worse than a smartass who pretends not to understand hyperbole. — Steven Brust

Eve "I shopped,"she said
Roarke "Dear God! Are you all right? Should I call for the MTs?"
Eve "Smartass. — J.D. Robb