Best Ridcully Quotes & Sayings

Persuasion comes in many forms," said Lord Vetinari. "No, I agree with Archchancellor Ridcully, sending Captain Carrot would be an excellent idea."
"What? Did I say something?" said Ridcully.
"Do you think that sending Captain Carrot would be an excellent idea?"
"What? Oh. Yes. Good lad. Keen. Got a sword."
"Then I agree with you," said Lord Vetinari, who knew how to work a committee. — Terry Pratchett

Ridcully sat in horrified amazement. He'd always enjoyed Hogswatch, every bit of it. He'd enjoyed seeing ancient relatives, he'd enjoyed the food, he'd been good at games like Chase My Neighbor up the Passage and Hooray Jolly Tinker. He was always the first to don a paper hat. He felt that paper hats lent a special festive air to the occasion. And he always very carefully read the messages on Hogswatch cards and found time for a few kind thoughts about the sender. Listening to his wizards was like watching someone kick apart a doll's house. — Terry Pratchett

Don't be ridiculous, man," said Ridcully, "there's no such thing as dwarf smuggling."
"Yeah? Then what's that you've got there?"
"I'm a giant," said Casanunda.
"Giants are a lot bigger."
"I've been ill. — Terry Pratchett

Wow-Wow Sauce, a mixture of mature scumble, pickled cucumbers, capers, mustard, mangoes, figs, grated wahooni, anchovy essence, asafetida and, significantly, sulfur and saltpetre for added potency. Ridcully inherited the formula from his uncle who, after half a pint of sauce on a big meal one evening, had a charcoal biscuit to settle his stomach, lit his pipe and disappeared in mysterious circumstances, although his shoes were found on the roof the following summer. — Terry Pratchett

Firstly," said Ponder, "Mr Pessimal wants to know what we do here."
"Do? We are the premier college of magic!" said Ridcully.
"But do we teach?"
"Only if no alternative presents itself," said the Dean. "We show 'em where the library is, give 'em a few little chats, and graduate the survivors. If they run into any problems, my door is always metaphorically open."
"Metaphorically, sir?" said Ponder.
"Yes. But technically, of course, it's locked."
"Explain to him that we don't do things, Stibbons," said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. "We are academics. — Terry Pratchett

Ridcully was beginning to show certain signs. If he had been a volcano, natives living nearby would be looking for a handy virgin. — Terry Pratchett

Like most people with no grasp whatsoever of real economics, Mustrum Ridcully equated "proper financial control" with the counting of paper clips. Even senior wizards had to produce a pencil stub to him before they were allowed a new one out of the locked cupboard below his desk. — Terry Pratchett

Intellectually, Ridcully maintained his position for two reasons. One was that he never, ever, changed his mind about anything. The other was that it took him several minutes to understand any new idea put to him, and this is a very valuable trait in a leader, because anything anyone is still trying to explain to you after two minutes is probably important and anything they give up after a mere minute or so is almost certainly something they shouldn't have been bothering you with in the first place. — Terry Pratchett

Then the Dean repeated the mantra that has had such a marked effect on the progress of knowledge throughout the ages.
"Why don't we just mix up absolutely everything and see what happens?" he said.
And Ridcully responded with the traditional response.
"It's got to be worth a try," he said. — Terry Pratchett

That's right, Potter," Noah nodded, seeing James' untouched plate. "The less you eat, the less you'll have to throw up when you're in the air. Of course, some of us see a little well-aimed sick as a great defensive technique. You've had your f irst broom lesson with Professor Ridcully, right? — G. Norman Lippert

Poetry contains almost all you need to know about life. — Josephine Hart

Ridcully sighed.
'All right, you fellows,' he said. 'No magic at Table, you know the rules. Who's playing silly buggers?'
The other senior wizards stared at him.
'I, I, I don't think we can play it any more,' said the Bursar, who at the moment was only occasionally bouncing off the sides of sanity, 'I, I, I think we lost some of the pieces ... — Terry Pratchett

The wizards were good at wind, weather being a matter not of force but of lepidoptery. As Archchancellor Ridcully said, you just had to know where the damn butterflies were. — Terry Pratchett

Nevertheless, it was a little bit surprising to find that Bloody Stupid had turned to bathroom design. But, as Ridcully said, it was known that he had designed and built several large musical organs and, when you got right down to it, it was all just plumbing, wasn't it? — Terry Pratchett

But we're a university! We have to have a library!" said Ridcully. "It adds tone. What sort of people would we be if we didn't go into the library?"
"Students," said Senior Wrangler morosely. — Terry Pratchett

Ridcully was to management what King Herod was to the Bethlehem Playgroup Association. — Terry Pratchett

Truth is female, since truth is beauty rather than handsomeness; this, Ridcully reflected as the council grumbled in, would certainly explain the saying that a lie could run around the world before Truth has got its, correction, her boots on, since she would have to choose which pair - the idea that any woman in a position to choose would have just one pair of boots being beyond rational belief.
Indeed, as a goddess she would have lots of shoes, and thus many choices: comfy shoes for home truths, hobnail boots for unpleasant truths, simple clogs for universal truths and possibly some kind of slipper for self-evident truth.
More important right now was what kind of truth he was going to have to impart to his colleagues, and he decided not on the whole truth, but instead on nothing but the truth, which dispensed with the need for honesty. — Terry Pratchett

There are those who believe knowledge is something that is acquired - a precious ore hacked, as it were, from the grey strata of ignorance.
There are those who believe that knowledge can only be recalled, that there was some Golden Age in the distant past when everything was known and the stones fitted together so you could hardly put a knife between them, you know, and it's obvious they had flying machines, right, because of the way the earthworks can only be seen from above, yeah? and there's this museum I read about where they found a pocket calculator under the altar of this ancient temple, you know what I'm saying? but the government hushed it up ...
Mustrum Ridcully believed that knowledge could be acquired by shouting at people, and was endeavouring to do so. — Terry Pratchett

It's certain death anyway, said Ridcully. That's the thing about Death, certainty. — Terry Pratchett

But it says here,' said Ridcully, 'that you are a finest swordsman,' 'I was outnumbered.' 'How many of them were there?' 'Three million. — Terry Pratchett

Amazin'.' he said again. 'He just looks as though he's thinking, right?'
'Er ... yes.'
'But he's not actually thinking?'
'Er ... no.'
'So ... he just gives the impression of thinking but really it's just a show?'
'Er ... yes.'
Just like everyone else, then really,' said Ridcully — Terry Pratchett

Lord Vetinari, the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, poked at the ink in his inkwell. There was ice in it.
"Don't you even have a proper fire?" said Hughnon Ridcully, High Priest of Blind Io and unofficial spokesman for the city's religious establishment. "I mean, I'm not one for stuffy rooms, but it's freezing in here!"
"Brisk, certainly," said Lord Vetinari. "It's odd, but the ice isn't as dark as the rest of the ink. What causes that, do you think?"
"Science, probably," said Hughnon vaguely. — Terry Pratchett

But I did not return until half past four this morning and I distinctly remember stubbing my toe on the stairs. I am as drunk as a skunk, Drumknott, which of course means skunks are just as drunk as I. I must say the term is unfamiliar to me, and I had not thought hitherto of skunks in this context, but Mustrum Ridcully was kind enough to enlighten me. — Terry Pratchett

The senior wizards of Unseen University stood and looked at the door.
There was no doubt that whoever had shut it wanted it to stay shut. Dozens of nails secured it to the door frame. Planks had been nailed right across. And finally it had, up until this morning, been hidden by a bookcase that had been put in front of it.
'And there's the sign, Ridcully,' said the Dean. 'You have read it, I assume. You know? The sign which says "Do not, under any circumstances, open this door"?'
'Of course I've read it,' said Ridcully. 'Why d'yer think I want it opened?'
'Er ... why?' said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.
'To see why they wanted it shut, of course.'
This exchange contains almost all you need to know about human civilization. At least, those bits of it that are now under the sea, fenced off or still smoking. — Terry Pratchett

Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like a
red flag to a bu ... was like putting something very annoying in front of
someone who was annoyed by it. — Terry Pratchett

MIND TELLING US WHAT THE REALITY IS LIKE ROUND HERE?" The pen wrote: +++ On A Scale Of One To Ten - Query +++ "FINE," Ridcully shouted. +++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++ — Terry Pratchett

Good so be would you if, duff plum of helping second A," said the Bursar.
The table fell silent.
"Did anyone understand that?" said Ridcully.
The Bursar was not technically insane. He had passed through the rapids of insanity som time previously, and was now sculling around in some peaceful pool on the other side. He was quite often coherent, although not by normal human standards. — Terry Pratchett

Old Sobriety's son? How is the old devil?"
"Dunno, sir, what with him being dead."
"Oh dear. How long ago?"
"These past thirty years," said Shawn.
"But you don't look any older than twen-" Ponder began. Ridcully elbowed him sharply in the ribcage.
"This is the countryside," he hissed. "People do things differently here. And more often. — Terry Pratchett

Students, eh? Love 'em or hate 'em, you can't hit them with a shovel! — Terry Pratchett

ow do I know I can trust you?' said the urchin. 'I don't know,' said Ridcully. 'The subtle workings of the brain are a mystery to me, too. But I'm glad that is your belief. — Terry Pratchett