Best Pun Quotes & Sayings

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. — C.L. Parker

It ain't really Czechoslovakian,' I said, coughing. 'We used to call it the Cheque. Like, you drink it up now, you pay for it later. — Esi Edugyan

You forgot to cross off anal sex."
"I tried it once. Didn't like it. If you're better at it, I'll have another crack." I paused. "No pun intended. — C.D. Reiss

A good pun may be admitted among the smaller excellencies of lively conversation. — James Boswell

We're not out of the woods yet, people," I said, and grimaced, my eyes cheating toward the trees growing on all sides. "No pun intended. Sloane, were you being serious when you said that most of that was Demi's blood? Because I'm not quite ready to condone beating her to death." "She got a nosebleed," said Sloane, reaching forward and taking my hand in hers. Her fingers left red stains on my skin. "Sure, I had to punch her four or five times to make that happen, but nosebleeds are a normal part of being a traitorous bitch who goes over to the dark side at the first sign of trouble. — Seanan McGuire

I have to be perfectly honest:
You should have an anniversary to acknowledge the way I work the ebonics. — Big Pun

You're a bright girl, aren't you? No pun intended. — Joss Stirling

The first album was 99 percent hard core to show you I was the best rhymer in the world. — Big Pun

The moral of the story, Son," Pun would say, "is Don't take more on your heart than you can shake off on your heels."
Of all lessons, that one I never learned and I hope I never do. My heart daily grows new foliage, always adding people, picking up new heartaches like a wool coat collects cockleburs and beggar's-lice seeds. It gets fuller and fuller as I walk slow as a sloth, carrying all the pain Pun and Frank and so many others tried to walk from. Especially the pain of the lost forest. Sometimes there is no leaving, no looking westward for another promised land. We have to nail our shoes to the kitchen floor and unload the burden of our heart. We have to set to the task of repairing the damage done by and to us. — Janisse Ray

He that would make a pun would pick a pocket. — Patrick O'Brian

But common sense comes too late, because Logan is now moving away from the counter and marching in my direction.

"Hey, gorgeous." He slides in the seat across from me and places a chocolate-chip muffin on the table. "I got you a muffin."

Damn it, I guess he'd noticed me right when he'd walked in.

"Why?" I ask in suspicion, and without saying hi.

"'Cause I wanted to get you something, and you already have coffee. Ergo, muffin."

I raise one eyebrow. "Are you trying to buy your way into my good graces?"

"Yup. And excellent pun, by the way."

"I wasn't punning. My name just happens to be a homonym."

His blue eyes gleam as he downright smolders at me. "I love it when you talk homonyms to me."

"Uh-huh. — Elle Kennedy

Battery never dies, the ghetto keeps me wise. — Big Pun

I was supposed to watch you, yeah. They thought it was weird that Atherton would send his own kid to Hecate, so we wanted to keep an eye on you. No pun intended. (Archer) — Rachel Hawkins

Biggie and Big Pun were the best storytellers of the '90s. I would get wrapped up in the narrative of what they were talking about. — Lin-Manuel Miranda

Loki spoke, "I agree, we do need some leadership. But you've had your chance, Odin. I think it's time for fresh ideas, to get things going. Some Lokimotion, so to speak. — Dylan Callens

Violence existed before our music was even suggested. — Big Pun

I feel like America would enjoy this pun about me... and closets. — Kelly Thompson

Actually touring solo is a little more difficult. It's more demanding than being under the "wing" of the band, no pun intended. It's more intimidating to sing in front of smaller crowds. The buck stops with me. — Timothy B. Schmit

He pulled her to him and kissed her softly on the lips. 'You blow me away,' he whispered.
'Ha-ha,' she said, but Travis refused to go along with the pun.
'I'm serious, sweetheart. I've never felt like this before.'
His eyes were deep green and so full of love that tears sprang to Lily's eyes. 'Me either. — Bella Andre

You've got to be kidding. No self-respecting demon would be caught undead here. Heck, we're so podunk we don't even have a Burger Doodle."
"Demons find this Burger Doodle attractive?"
"Nah, if I had to guess, I'd say they're more into soul food." She clapped her hands over her mouth. "Oh, God, I made a pun. Slap me. — Lexi George

It is the observer of the pun that makes it, my dear Brumm. Of course, when the word is distorted, as in Evilution, the most preoccupied notice it, but in this instance which you try to fasten upon me the crime is yours. There is nothing more contrary to the Evolutionary will than puns. Bloodshed and desolation follow in their wake. Their English heyday, which was in the reign of James I, caused the great civil war; in France they flourished most rankly under Louis XV, and produced the French Revolution. I have considered puns, and apart altogether from their hateful effect, as shown in history, it is certain that they are quite unevolutionary, because I, the fittest of men, am unable to make them. You will consult your own welfare, and that of the nation, Brougham, by refraining in future. — John Davidson

My dominant (no pun intended) discourse seems to be needy as fuck. — Alexis Hall

That's exactly why I never liked King Arthur's Guinevere. She screws up (pardon the pun), sleeps with her husband's best friend, causes the fall of a kingdom, then she doesn't have the guts to make at least one man happy, so she joins a friggin nunnery and esacpes from all of her problems, leaving everyone around her in a slavering mess. How incredibly spineless. — P.C. Cast

I was confident, but I still loved a good stroking. Pun one hundred percent abso-fucking-lutely intended. — Laurel Ulen Curtis

There's a lot of me in Captain Jack and there's a lot of Captain Jack in me. And there is no pun intended. — John Barrowman

Always say 'no pun intended' to draw attention to the intended pun. — Teju Cole

Better to have loved and lost than to live with regret. — Big Pun

Another badass Gurkha in recent memory was Sergeant Dipprasad Pun of the Royal Gurkha Rifles. In 2010, while serving as the lone on-duty guard patrolling a small one-room outpost on the edge of the Afghan province of Helmand, Pun was suddenly ambushed by somewhere between fifteen and thirty Taliban warriors armed with RPGs and assault rifles. During his Ultimate Mega Gurkha Freakout Limit Break Mode, the five-foot-seven-inch sergeant fired off four hundred rounds of machine gun ammunition (every bullet he had), chucked seventeen grenades, detonated a remote mine, and then took an enemy soldier down by chucking a twenty-pound machine gun tripod into the dude's face. — Ben Thompson

Coincidence is a spiritual pun. — Gilbert K. Chesterton

We live to produce information, or improve on it. Nietzsche had the Latin pun aut liberi, aut libri - either children or books, both information that caries through the centuries ... I am here to die a heroic death for the sake of the collective, to produce offspring (and prepare them for life and provide for them), or eventually, books, - my information, that is, my genes, the anti-fragile in me, should be the ones seeking immortality, not me. Then say goodbye, have a nice funeral in St. Sergius (Mar Sarkis) in Amioun, and, as the French say, place aux autres - make room for others (p. 370-371). — Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Even though there will be times when I'll need to protect myself - there will definitely be times when I'll have to put up my guard just to monitor what comes in and out of my life - there's a grace there ... no pun intended! — Grace Gealey

Safari, so goody. — Winston S. Churchill

Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire — Ambrose Bierce

I was obsessed with country music when I was a kid, and it's definitely had a huge influence on the way I write songs. I was always attracted to songs that had a brilliant pun or a clever turn of phrase, but came from a dark, bitter place. As a writer, I've always gravitated towards that feeling. — Teddy Thompson

Are you calling for help?" Sophie asked when he had closed the phone.
Saint-Germain shook his head. "Ordering breakfast. I'm famished." He jerked his thumb back in the direction of the Eiffel Tower, which was still erupting fireworks. "Creating something like that- if you pardon the pun- burns a lot of calories. — Michael Scott

But things were different now. I finally had my head -pun intended- on straight. — Meg Cabot