Best Misheard Quotes & Sayings

In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied "I love you back" and not "I love your back" before you continue the conversation. — Lemony Snicket

How can a person expect to escape their destiny, Merry? That is the question."
A silence, then a small, practical voice. "There's always the train, I guess."
Juniper thought at first she'd misheard; she glanced at Meredith and realized that the child was completely serious.
"I mean, there are buses, too, but I think the train would be faster. A smoother ride, as well. — Kate Morton

Here is how to sit through small openings of your father's first art films, surrounded by surly foreign cigarette smoke and conversations so pretentious you literally cannot believe them, you're sure you have misheard them. — David Foster Wallace

Inspiration comes from so many sources. Music, other fiction, the non-fiction I read, TV shows, films, news reports, people I know, stories I hear, misheard words or lyrics, dreams ... Motivation? The memory of the rush I get from a really good writing session - even on a bad day, I know I'll find that again if I keep going. — Trudi Canavan

You have no idea how an original text can be twisted though the years, only because someone misheard or misremembered the original story. — Cameron Jace

Where's your dog?" Peter's voice came from within the gushing stream of water. Justin thought he must have misheard.
"Pardon?"
"Your dog."
"Yes?"
"Isn't he with you today?" Justin looked at Peter.
"Ha bloody ha." Peter stuck his head out of the stream of water, features dripping. He smiled shyly.
"I love greyhounds." Justin stared.
"My dog is imaginary."
"Oh." Peter looked interested. "That's unusual." Justin put his head under the water. When he emerged, Peter was still looking at him.
"Less work," Peter offered, cheerily. "If the dog's imaginary, I mean. Not so much grooming, feeding, et cetera. — Meg Rosoff

Are you Magnificent Bane?"
"Sure," said Magnus. "Let's go with that. — Cassandra Clare

My daemons are crashing,' the computer tech said. I thought I'd misheard over the crush of the computer store, but then she repeated it. 'My smart phone wasn't working because the computer daemons in it were crashing. Computer daemons are programs that wait in the background until you call them into service, sort of like the original idea of genies, or jinn, that give magical help if you have the power to call and control them. Not too far off from some of the mysterious workings of computers. — Laurell K. Hamilton

Love's language is hyperbole, but whispered,
sibilant similes and promises sotto voce.
It's easy to imagine you've misheard, — Richard Hoffman

Hodge says he's on his way and he hopes you can both manage to cling to your flickering sparks of life until he gets here," she told Simon and Jace. "Or something like that."
"I wish he'd hurry," Jace said crossly. He was sitting up in bed against a pair of fluffed white pillows, still wearing his filthy clothes.
"Why? Does it hurt?" Clary asked.
"No. I have a high pain threshold. In fact, it's less of a threshold and more of a large and tastefully decorated foyer. But I do get easily bored." He squinted at her. "Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you'd get dressed up in a nurse's outfit and give me a sponge bath?"
"Actually, I think you misheard," Clary said. "It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath."
Jace looked involuntarily over at Simon, who smiled at him widely. "As soon as I'm back on my feet, handsome. — Cassandra Clare

Let me introduce you. These are my friends: Ronan, Adam Parrish, and Jane."
Adam's expression focused. Became Adam-like. He blinked over to Gansey.
"Blue," Blue corrected.
"Oh, yes, you are blue," Malory agreed. "How perceptive you are. What was the name? Jane? This is the lady I spoke to on the phone all those months ago, right? How small she is. Are you done growing?"
"What!" Blue said. — Maggie Stiefvater

Thus, from admiration of one wise and innocent child, and from a misheard remark, the process that not even Aristotle could codify was triggered.
Where do you get your ideas?
I purposely mishear things. — Harlan Ellison

Your gift for euphemism continues to thrive. But I think I have heard of such modern relationships. There is a colloquialism for them, yes? They are boogie calls." "Boogie? Oh! Nice try. You were very close. They're known as booty calls." "That's what I said. Booty calls." "You said boogie - " The Morrigan's eyes flashed red for the briefest moment, and I cleared my throat. "Pardon me. I must have misheard you. Quite right. — Kevin Hearne

Laurel wondered whether perhaps a person reached an age when so much was kept from them, so many details of life discussed and decided elsewhere,misheard or misunderstood, that to be surprised was no longer disconcerting. — Kate Morton

Martha had come up with the nickname Godbee by accident when she was younger than Lucy. Dorothy Boyle had been referred to as Grandma Boyle or Grandma B, for short, to distinguish her from Martha's other grandmother, Anne Hubbard. As a toddler, Martha couldn't pronounce Grandma B correctly, or had misheard it, and had, for as long as she could remember, called her favorite grandmother Godbee. For some reason, it had caught on. Not only with everyone in Martha's family, but with some of Godbee's friends and neighbors, too. — Kevin Henkes

If history starts as a guest list, it has a tendency to end like the memory of a drunken party: misheard, blurred, fragmentary. — Sarah Churchwell

My love ... you were insolent to a dragon? Please tell me that I misheard you just now. — Aida Jacobs

Just got to fnafflebrump caddwallame, all right? Edie says, and no one pays attention. She learned at Lady Gravely's that nonsense which can be misheard is a very good way to lie without getting caught. People just insert whatever they think you must be doing, and - having lied to themselves on your behalf - are disinclined to check up on you. — Nick Harkaway

When the first book out my sister-in-law read it and we were chatting at 5 o'clock in the afternoon and she said, "Oh my God, chapter six, sex and a murder," and her five year old wandered into the kitchen and said, "Sixty hamburgers? — Sara Sheridan