Best Jeff Foxworthy Quotes & Sayings

To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country. — Jeff Foxworthy

Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication — Jeff Foxworthy

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it. — Jeff Foxworthy

I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right. — Jeff Foxworthy

Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating. — Jeff Foxworthy

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy. — Jeff Foxworthy

Barbara was actually Jeff Foxworthy's interior designer when we first met. So, not only was Jeff responsible for my success in my career, he also introduced me to the woman who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, which, I think, makes us even. — Ron White

If you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay, or married. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your 'huntin dog' cost more than the truck you drive him around in. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded. — Jeff Foxworthy

If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels. — Jeff Foxworthy

The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up ... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord ... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!' — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument. — Jeff Foxworthy

Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting. — Jeff Foxworthy

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink. — Jeff Foxworthy

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. — Jeff Foxworthy

If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off. — Jeff Foxworthy

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist. — Jeff Foxworthy

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy." — Jeff Foxworthy

I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my head and said, "You can only do one," I'd think it would be stand-up. I think it's the coolest job in the world. — Jeff Foxworthy

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth. — Jeff Foxworthy

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it. — Jeff Foxworthy

I teach a Bible study for homeless guys in downtown Atlanta every week. Been doing it for years. That's the guys I'd rather go talk to. I'd rather take my act outside the church. — Jeff Foxworthy

If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your dogs name is Miller Light — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter. — Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips. — Jeff Foxworthy