Best Douchebag Quotes & Sayings

Nice to meet His Creepiness," Zahara said with a sneer. "In case your douchebag of a boss has never told you, sneaking up on a girl with a blade is never a nice way of saying hello." ~Zahara — Annabell Cadiz

Would you want people walking up to you and pointing at your d
k? I can't believe I'm still talking about this. But I've worn underwear every day of my life and the fact that I'm painted as this exhibitionist is a little annoying. It's become a meme, I guess. Being someone who people want to photograph, you have to open yourself up to the positive and negative. It is what it is. If I get mad at it I'll look like a douchebag. But it's silly. — Jon Hamm

Yeah, my father is an egotistical douchebag," he says roughly. "My name literally means Jonathan empire. — Krista Ritchie

I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THIS, but lots of guys have a thing for Ariel. You know, from The Little Mermaid? I've never been into her myself, but I can understand the attraction: she fills out her shells nicely, she's a redhead, and she spends most of the movie unable to speak.
In light of this, I'm not too disturbed about the semi I'm sporting while watching Beauty and the Beast - part of the homework Erin gave me. I like Belle. She's hot. Well ... for a cartoon, anyway. She reminds me of Kate. She's resourceful. Smart. And she doesn't take any shit from the Beast or that douchebag with the freakishly large arms.
I stare at the television as Belle bends over to feed a bird. Then I lean forward, hoping for a nice cleavage shot ...
I'm going to hell, aren't I? — Emma Chase

Were you feeling all right?"
"No, not at all."
"Bellyache?"
"Yeah, a two-month bellyache called Vivian-itis. Symptoms include desperate longing and inability to do anything but feel like a douchebag. Patient can't do shit on the field but stand there like an ass, wondering what the fuck he's doing with his life. It's chronic. No known cure. — C.D. Reiss

In light of this, I'm not too disturbed about the semi I'm sporting while watching Beauty and the Beast - part of the homework Erin gave me. I like Belle. She's hot. Well ... for a cartoon, anyway. She reminds me of Kate. She's resourceful. Smart. And she doesn't take any shit from the Beast or that douchebag with the freakishly large arms — Emma Chase

It must be horny douchebag day, she mumbled under her breath as she slid the bag's strap up on her shoulder. — Dennis Sharpe

Sometimes he was weird, sometimes he was Captain Douchebag, but he was always my best friend. — Sharon Sant

She was my assignment."
"From The Eye?"
"No, from the Boy Scouts. That Witch Dating badge just kept eluding me."
"Well, you must have at least three Total Douchebag badges by now, so that has to count for something. — Rachel Hawkins

We should be thanking Apple for launching the $10,000 'apple watch' as the new gold standard in douchebag detection. — Anna Kendrick

If you dress or look in ways that scream "jerk", "douchebag" or "terrorist", don't expect to enjoy meaningful social interactions on a regular basis, buddy! Now, — Robert Moore

If I had three wishes for my country, they would be these: keep fighting, keep moving forward, and don't act like a douchebag. — Michael Ian Black

Guess that's a thing you still do. You know, look like a douchebag. — Karina Halle

Oooh ... Aunt Chelsea called Jake the D-word!"
Rory's voice carries into the kitchen. "Dipshit?"
"No."
"Dumbass?"
"No."
"Douchebag?"
"What's a douchebag?"
"Rory!" Chelsea and I yell at exactly the same time. — Emma Chase

Yeah? ... Oh, hell no, I got Pidge here with me. We're just gettin' ready to go to bed ... Shut the fuck up, Trent, that's not funny ... Seriously? What's he doin' in town" He looked at me and sigued. "All right. We'll be there in half an hour ... You heard me, douchebag. Because I don't go anywhere without her, that's why. Do you want me to pound your face when I get there?" Travis hung up and shook his head. I raised an eyebrow. "That is the weirdest conversation I've ever heard. — Jamie McGuire

There are many self-proclaimed "screenwriting gurus" - though how you get to be a "guru" of something you've never actually done is beyond us. Screenplays are like blueprints. A guy who's drawn up a lot of blueprints that have never actually been made into buildings is not an "architecture guru," he's an "unemployed douchebag." A guy who talks about screen-writing but who's never sold a screenplay is not a "screenwriting guru," he's a "lecture circuit bullshit artist." From now on, that's what we'll call them. — Thomas Lennon

The only guys that make it through are the guys that make it through are the guys that have a complete control of their ego where they tap out in the beginning, all the time, you're always losing in the beginning ... Your ego can get bruised if you don't have control of it. So what ends up happens is Jiu Jitsu is the ultimate douchebag filter. — Eddie Bravo

[Truman] didn't want to fight the guy, whatever he was - alien, vampyr or douchebag. — J. Richard Singleton

She looks like a cheery girl, the kind who pledges Kai Beta Bullshit and throws mixers on the weekend with the frat boys at Alpha Kappa Douchebag. — J.M. Darhower

For God's sake, don't let her watch Cinderella. What kind of example is that? A mindless twit who can't even remember where she left her damn shoe, so she has to wait for some douchebag in tights to bring it to her? Give me a frigging break! — Emma Chase

We make a product and sell it. How hard can it be? Every douchebag either one of us has ever worked for has managed to do this! — Leonard Richardson

I may or may not
have once tossed a guy out of her store for flirting
with her.Total douchebag. Wore a
scarf indoors. -Nick — Julie James

I immediately felt better about killing him. I've never known a Trevor who wasn't a total douchebag. It's just one of those names that goes so nicely with selfish, arrogant, malicious behavior - and really, what did I know about this guy? Nothing, except that his name was Trevor and he'd been nabbed in the midst of breaking-and-entering. That was plenty. — Cherie Priest

The worst case scenario is you really like someone's work, then you meet them and they're a self-involved, entitled douchebag. — Moby

Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag. — George Carlin

She talks like you. It's not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who's only holding Cinderella back."
"That's my girl. — Emma Chase

It's semi-frustrating when your name actually becomes a synonym for douchebag. — Pete Wentz

One of the new girls followed me in and said she thinks Toph is an insensitive douchebag motherhumping assclown, and that I shouldn't let him get to me. Which was sweet, but didn't really help. — Stephanie Perkins

I was married to the number one douchebag of all time. — Brandi Glanville

I hate fucking pussies like that." Felix reached out and shook Hector's hand. "Good for you, man. I would've cracked him too." He turned and pointed at Abel. "Let me know if you need help with that. I'll donate to the cause. We'll call it 'Cracking Down on Future Fucking Douchebag Wife Beaters of the World.' Can't think of a better charity. — Elizabeth Reyes

Chris Brown is SUCH a douchebag. — Joshua Malina

I try to have a balance of things you like and things you don't like about a character. But once you start that, all these scripts are like, "You play the douchebag friend of Ashton Kutcher." It's all these characters that are overconfident or hyper-masculine. — Jemaine Clement