Best Donut Quotes & Sayings

I always thought Woody Harrelson is quite a persuasive guy. He's the kind of guy who can call you up in the middle of the night and tell you, 'Let's all go get a donut!' And you're thinking, 'It's the middle of the night,' but somehow you still get up and go get a donut. — Jesse Eisenberg

The man behind the counter at the donut store had been somewhat less than courteous ever since I had prematurely tried to hypnotize him during my first month of practice. Now as I re-entered the donut store he fixed me with a chilly glare. I sauntered up to the counter, then I threw upon him my hypnotizingest glare. "You are getting sleep," I told him. "No, you are getting sleepy," he retorted, his hypnotic eyes boring into mine. The son-of-a-bitch had been studying hypnotism too! "You are a young Georage Washington, and you've been chopping down the cherry tree," I asserted, and he became the boy President. "I cannot tell a lie," he piped in a childish voice. But it didn't last, and he shook my control free. "You are Anne Boleyn," he said, and it was true! "Don't cut off my head!" I begged... — Michael Kupperman

Is anyone ever really the same after being pushed through an opening the size of a donut hole only to end up wearing a fez? — Dakota Cassidy

I'm high off the indo creepin' with the quickness to the cut, bust one to his head while he munches on that donut. — Dr. Dre

It dawned on him that he really could be a cop if he wanted to, and it dawned on him that he'd had this revelation while eating a donut, and it that wasn't a sign, he didn't know what was. — Doug Dorst

Do you know how many calories are in butter and cheese and ice cream? Would you get your dog up in the morning for a cup of coffee and a donut? — Jack LaLanne

I've recently noticed "as if for the first time" that when people pray they always look "upward" - i.e. perpendicular to whatever place they're standing - or kneeling or groveling. I deduce that they conceive of their "god" as topologically isomorphic to a huge donut, about a thousand miles wider than Earth. — Robert Anton Wilson

All those posters and PSAs and health class presentations on body image and the way you can burst blood vessels in your face and rupture your esophagus if you can't stop ramming those sno balls down your throat every night, knowing they'll have to come back up again, you sad weak girl.
Because of all this, Coach surely can't tell a girl, a sensitive, body-conscious teenage girl, to get rid of the tender little tuck around her waist, can she?
She can.
Coach can say anything.

And there's Emily, keening over the toilet bowl after practice, begging me to kick her in the gut so she can expel the rest, all that cookie dough and cool ranch, the smell making me roil. Emily, a girl made entirely of donut sticks, cheese powder, and haribo.
I kick, I do.
She would do the same for me. — Megan Abbott

Tommy had felt alone in a crowd before, even inferior to everyone in a crowd, but now he felt, well, different. It wasn't just the clothes and the make up, it was the humanity. He wasn't part of it. Heightened senses or not, he felt like he had his nose pressed against the window, looking in. The problem was, it was the window of a donut shop. — Christopher Moore

The hidden master of the Filipino-style Chinese donut is Benito Taganes, proprietor and king of the bubbling vats at Mabuhay. Mabuhay, dark, cramped, invisible from the street, stays open all night long. It drains the bars and cafes after hours, concentrates the wicked and the guilty along its chipped Formica counter, and thrums with the gossip of criminals, policemen, shtarkers and shlemiels, whores and night owls. With the fat applauding in the fryers, the exhaust fans roaring, and the boom box blasting the heartsick kundimans of Benito's Manila childhood, the clientele makes free with their secrets. A golden mist of kosher oil hangs in the air and baffles the senses. Who could overhear with ears full of KosherFry and the wailing of Diomedes Maturan? — Michael Chabon

The sudden and abrupt removal of my all-consuming goal ... well, it was like I was a donut, and somebody had sucked all the jelly out of me. But I could stuff new jelly in there. It would just get my hands a little sticky in the process. — Brandon Sanderson

A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish. — Chevy Chase

Your first lesson: My studio is not a democracy. Have a donut. — Jandy Nelson

She's a lot more than nice," Gran said with a leer, "after our last date, I came home with my face looking like a glazed donut. That gal's juices are flowing. She must be on some kind of hormone replacement therapy. — Nick Pageant

The optimist sees the donut, the pessimist sees the hole. — Oscar Wilde

I fell in love with Erica Kane the summer before my freshman year of high school. Like all red-blooded teen American boys, I'd come home from water polo practice and eat a box of Entenmann's Pop'Ems donut holes in front of the TV while obsessively fawning over 'All My Children' and Erica, her clothes, and her narcissistic attitude. — Andy Cohen

Anyhow, the hole in the donut is at least digestible. — H.L. Mencken

Is the meeting over?" Grace asked. "Should I clean up?" Charlie knew exactly what was going to happen. "He's going to say he doesn't want a donut, but he totally does. Save him three. He'll eat them before lunch and then pretend he didn't. Oh, and he likes his coffee really black, like almost espresso like." Grace stopped. "Seriously? I've been making it medium." "He likes really dark roast." Another swat hit her ass. "I hate everything. — Lexi Blake

You are looking at the largest portal ever. The internet. You can start on the Wikipedia page for jelly donut, and four link clicks later, end up on the meaning of life. — Jake

Motherfuckers from Harvard to Harlem respect the Pew Research Center, and hearing this, the concerned patrons turned around in their squeaky plastic seats as best they could, given that donut shop swivel chairs swivel only six degrees in either direction. — Paul Beatty

On the night of the winter solstice, when the dead get their annual reprieve, they go up to the 24-hour donut shop and wedding chapel to get hitched. Marriage is a good and proper pursuit for dead people. For a while, it relieves the dark, shuddering loneliness of the afterlife. — Rachel Swirsky

Monday morning and there's one less donut than there should be.
Keen observers note the reduced mass straightaway but stay silent, because saying, 'Hey, is that only six donuts?' would betray their donut experience. It's not great for your career to be known as the person who can spot the difference between six and seven donuts at a glance. — Max Barry

As it turned out, everyone wanted a doughnut. Jace wanted two. — Cassandra Clare

When you think about a barbecue, most people think of slabs of ribs, but you don't need to do that in today's culinary barbecue world. Short ribs, barbecue chicken, skewered shrimp, vegetable kebabs, lobster mac and cheese with or without the lobster, and a donut bread pudding for dessert that's absolutely amazing. These are things that are safe whether you're a novice or a professional. Be creative and stay within your culinary pantheon. — G. Garvin

Claiming that someone's marriage is against your religion is like being angry at someone for eating a donut because you're on a diet. — Seth Rogen

Quit playing Marco Polo with my ass, Christopher Columbus. This isn't an exploration, so you aren't putting your ding dong in this donut hole — B.B. Reid

I tried explaining to Blackjack that taking a flying horse to a donut shop would give every cop in there a heart attack, but he didn't seem to get it. — Rick Riordan

He inhaled sharply. "I'm glad to have you back."

I nodded, swallowing thickly. "I'm glad to be back."

"Hell, we all can agree on that." Luke picked up a donut. "There's nothing creepier than having a psychotic Apollyon caged in the basement."

"Ha," I said.

Luke winked and then tossed the donut to me. I caught it. Sugar flew everywhere.

"Or waiting for her to break loose and run amuck," Deacon added as I took a bite. He glanced across the table. "Or waiting for someone, no names mentioned, to not listen to us and go say hi."

Olivia's cheeks reddened as she stood. She approached slowly, waited for me to finish chewing. I started to apologize. "I'm really sorry - "

She socked me in the stomach. Hard. I doubled over, gasping for air. "Gods. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Hey, boss, said Blackjack. Can we take a donut break? I wiped the sweat off my brow. "I wish, big guy, but the fight's still going on." In fact, I could hear it getting closer. My friends needed help. I jumped on Blackjack and we flew north toward the sound of explosions. FIFTEEN — Rick Riordan

I had received a t-shirt from my best friend Veronica at my police academy graduation. It reads, 'Throw your donut in the opposite direction and the cops won't get you.' I love wearing that t-shirt. — Suzie Ivy

The issue is not the thing, but rather our approach to the thing. Same as with food. Our temptation is to objectify the problem, trying to locate sin in the stuff - in the tobacco, in the alcohol, in the gun, in the donut - instead of where sin is actually located, which is right under the breastbone. — Douglas Wilson

Percy stared at his jelly donut. He had a rocky history with Nico di Angelo. The guy had once tricked him into visiting Hades's palace, and Percy had ended up in a cell. But most of the time, Nico sided with the good guys. He certainly didn't deserve slow suffocation in a bronze jar, and Percy couldn't stand seeing Hazel in pain.
"We'll rescue him," he promised her. "We have to. The prophecy says he holds the key to endless death. — Rick Riordan

When you have a flaming hot donut in your hand and your trying to eat it your not worried about 10 and 2 — Jase Robertson

I like freedom. I wake up in the morning and say, 'I don't know, should I have a popsicle or a donut?' You know, who knows? — Oscar Nunez