Best Bill Hicks Quotes & Sayings

Humanity is just a virus with shoes. — Bill Hicks

I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit. — Bill Hicks

See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you've got the money! — Bill Hicks

Let's do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who've seen me before might know that. — Bill Hicks

The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form. — Bill Hicks

I have this feeling that whoever's elected president, no matter what promises you make on the campaign trail - blah, blah, blah - when you win, you go into this smoky room with the twelve industrialist, capitalist scumfucks that got you in there, and this little screen comes down ... and it's a shot of the Kennedy assassination from an angle you've never seen before, which looks suspiciously off the grassy knoll ... and then the screen comes up, the lights come on, and they say to the new president, 'Any questions?'" "Just what my agenda is." - Bill Hicks — James H. Fetzer

A Christian will say ... "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it. — Bill Hicks

I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day. — Bill Hicks

Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here's Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid. — Bill Hicks

I am available for children's parties, by the way ... — Bill Hicks

I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you'll find in this world. — Bill Hicks

I love Dallas, Austin and Houston. Why? Because some of the best comedians, like Bill Hicks and Sam Kinison, started their careers in Texas, and because the crowds there are comedy-educated. — Bobby Lee

They believe the bible is the exact word of God - Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? "I think what God meant to say ... " — Bill Hicks

This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart. — Bill Hicks

Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren't partyin'. — Bill Hicks

This is the idea that has made me ... an anonymous figure in America ... If you have children here tonight ... they are NOT special. — Bill Hicks

We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad ... that's a little bit overdoing it. — Bill Hicks

I don't get along with anything, I really don't ... I'm, I'm, maybe I'm just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being. — Bill Hicks

The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light. — Bill Hicks

I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He's probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can't say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor. — Ron White

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it. — Bill Hicks

No, I don't do drugs anymore, either. But I'll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth: I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day. — Bill Hicks

You ever notice that everyone who believes in creationism looks really un-evolved? — Bill Hicks

I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman ... come in the guise of a comic ... to heal perception by using ... 'jokes' ... — Bill Hicks

It seems to me that there will be a point in out development or our evolution where you put your guns aside. — Bill Hicks

I'm sorry if any of you are catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're catholic — Bill Hicks

I've had seven balls of light come off a UFO ... explain to me telepathically we are all one and there's no such thing as death. — Bill Hicks

My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked. — Bill Hicks

'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style. — Bill Hicks

I saw ... a kid on a leash. You seen these people? Kid on a leash? How horrible. Put him in the pound where he belongs. — Bill Hicks

All governments are lying cocksuckers. — Bill Hicks

What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It's gonna be worth it!. — Bill Hicks

Whenever I tell people I'm a misanthrope they react as though that's a bad thing, the idiots. I live in London, for God's sake. Have you walked down Oxford Street recently? Misanthropy's the only thing that gets you through it. It's not a personality flaw, it's a skill.
It's nothing to do with sheer numbers. Move me to a remote cottage in the Hebrides and I'd learn to despise the postman, even if he only visited once a year. I can't abide other people, with their stink and their noise and their irritating ringtones. Bill Hicks called the human race 'a virus with shoes', and if you ask me he was being unduly hard on viruses; I'd consider a career in serial killing if the pay wasn't so bad. — Charlie Brooker

There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. — Bill Hicks

I didn't know that people compared Bill Hicks and I but certainly I'm flattered if they do. I knew Bill a bit. We had dinner a couple of times and played guitar together once. I really tried to keep my distance from him professionally. — Marc Maron

I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, "Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest." This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don't
think a Marlboro Light's gonna faze him that much. — Bill Hicks