Benjamin Saenz Quotes & Sayings

Nd then it started hailing. It was so beautiful and scary, I wondered about the science of storms and how sometimes it seemed that a storm wanted to break the world and how the world refused to break. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

You don't deserve this, Brian. I wanted to shove that phrase into his heart. But I knew he'd always believe that he did deserve what he got. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Maybe the problem between me and my father was that we were both the same. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

And he wished her anger would come back because she was strong when she was angry. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Something happen inside me as I looked out into the vast universe. Through that telescope, the world was closer and larger than I'd ever imagined. And it was all so beautiful and overwhelming and- I don't know- it make me aware that there was something inside of me that mattered. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

My father decided he would read everything that I read. Maybe that was our way of talking. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Those words tasted bitter.
But the worst part was that those words were living inside me. And they were leaking out of me. Words were not things you could control. Not always. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

That was the first time that I really saw my mother as a person. A person who was so much more than just my mother. It was strange to think of her that way. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

In your dream. You were looking for me."
"I'm always looking for you," I whispered. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

She stores so many of his words in her head that she feels as if she has become nothing more than a book he has written. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

His shoes on the front porch before he came inside. "The Japanese do that," he said. "They don't bring the dirt of the world into another person's house. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

He didn't say anything. And then I heard him crying. So I just let him cry. There was nothing I could do. Except listen to his pain. I could do that. I could hardly stand it. But I could do that. Just listen to his pain. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

But he didn't know exactly where the worry was coming from. He just had a feeling. Like thunder in the sky. Only the thunder was in his stomach. There would be a storm. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

He looked like a summer morning when he smiled, exactly like a summer morning. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

She could almost see his smile. A sunrise. Breaking the darkness. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

You are what you remember. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Maybe my life isn't all that interesting but at least I'm busy. Busy doesn't mean happy. I know that. But at least I'm not bored. Being bored is the worst. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For. Yeah, that was a good song. My theme song. But really I thought it was everybody's theme song. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Everyone expected something from me. Something I just couldn't give. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

From what we cannot hold the stars are made. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Parents are rule givers. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

But my father, the man who was in my room and had turned on the light, he'd raised me. He'd tamed me with all the love that lived inside him. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I hated God for giving me a heart. What good were they? Hearts? Having one got me exactly where? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

The truth is, Ari, I miss El Paso. When we first moved there, I hated it. But now I think about El Paso all the time. And I think of you. Always, Dante P.S. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Do you think it will always be this way?"
"What?"
"I mean, when do we start feeling like the world belongs to us?"
I wanted to tell him that the world would never belong to us. "I don't know," I said. "Tomorrow. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I realized that Sam wasn't angry at all. She was hurt. At that moment I heard all the hurt she'd ever held. And it seemed to me that the whole house had quieted down to listen to her pain. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I think you love him more than you can bear. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Did you love your brother?"
"I don't remember."
"You don't remember?"
"No, Adam, I don't."
He knew I was lying. I guess I didn't care. Look, I don't want to remember should count as I don't remember. That's what I was thinking. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Because when you do something, you have to know exactly what you're doing." "No one knows exactly what they're doing," I said. "That's because people are lazy and undisciplined. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I'll always hate shoes. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I'll always remember that look on your face. You saw me. You've always seen me. And I think that's all that anyone wants. That's why Fito loves coming over here. He's been invisible all his life. And all of a sudden he's visible. Seeing someone. Really seeing someone. That's love. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Do you know what gardenias smell like?"
"Yes."
"That's what it's like to be glad. You wake searching for the smell of gardenias. Or the smell of oranges. Or the smell of agaves. Or the smell of rosemary. And you think, God, I can smell. And you walk out and you see the light falling on everything - on the delicate leaves of a mesquite or the brilliant white of an oleander in bloom that almost blinds you or the bougainvillea that explodes pink like a firecracker. And you think, God, I can see. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

When something gets broken, it can be fixed. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

You fight yourself, Zach. And you keep fighting yourself. And it's killing you because you're fighting the best part of yourself. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Maybe all that silence about my brother did something to me. I think it did. Not talking can make a guy pretty lonely — Benjamin Alire Saenz

You know what I think, Ari? I think Mexicans don't like me. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Birds exist to teach us things about the sky. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Try it again," I said. "Kiss me."
"No," he said.
"Kiss me."
"No," And then he smiled. "You kiss me."
I placed my hand on the back of his neck. I pulled him toward me. And kissed him. I kissed him. And I kissed him. And I kissed him. And I kissed him. And he kept kissing me back. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I think of their anger as a wind. And that wind took them away. From me. And all the others like me. So — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Feeling sorry for myself was an art. I think a part of me liked doing that. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Just like that - in one apocalyptic moment - simple and beautiful. A birth. But also a kind of death. Like lightning in a storm. In one flash of light, the whole desert was lit, and you could see the universe. That's what she had seen - the universe in the hands of a child feeling the face of a man. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Your pain's become the only light you know. You want to punish yourself. You think your life has to be a tragedy. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Somehow, miraculously, they forced themselves, told themselves they were going to live. They wrote themselves new lives. Fictions, perhaps, but what did it matter? They had kept the chaos at bay. They had managed to stop cursing the darkness. They'd lit a torch. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I didn't feel like a man just then. I felt like a five-year-old boy who didn't want to do anything except play in a pile of leaves. A five-year-old boy with a greedy heart who wanted his grandmother to live forever. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Moms and God generally get along pretty well. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

You know what the worst thing about adults is?"

"No."

"They're not always adults. But that's what I like about them. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

You know, the thing about not talking very much is that people think you're mature. They make things up about you. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Some boys ... Are perfect shits. & other boys are very, very beautiful. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

You belong everywhere you go. That's just how you are. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Highways are nice and paved, and they have signs telling you which way to go. Life isn't like that at all. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

She smiled and combed my hair with her fingers. That was always her thing. She looked straight into my eyes and said calmly, "Your father was beautiful." She didn't even hesitate. I wanted to ask her what happened to all that beauty. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

The whole world seemed to be quiet and calm and I wanted to be the world and feel like that — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I FELL ASLEEP, HOPING THE WORLD would be different when I woke. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

This boy would dream her forever. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

People who have monsters recognize each other. They know each other without even saying a word. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

You could smell the rain in the desert even before a drop fell. I closed my eyes. I held my hand out and felt the first drop. It was like a kiss. The sky was kissing me. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to rank the people in your life. That's not how the heart worked. The heart didn't make lists. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I do not know what it means to be okay. I have never known and maybe I will never know.
Okay is just a word I use so I won't have to talk about what's inside.
Okay is a word that means I am going to keep my secrets. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

For no reason at all, he thought that she looked like a nun. The beautiful kind. The kind that gave and gave because that's what they knew how to do. And the giving made them more beautiful. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Do you think we'll ever discover all the secrets of the universe? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I lost myself somewhere. And that's a very sad thing. Losing yourself is sad and heartbreaking. Fucking sad and fucking heartbreaking. Losing yourself isn't like losing a key to your house. It isn't like losing an expensive pair of sunglasses or even the only copy of the greatest screenplay you've ever written. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

All the hovering angels were gone. He thought maybe there had been a funeral. Someone had died. Everything was black - the sky, the clothes he was wearing, his heart. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

She had a lot of empathy. Maybe that's why she liked all those bad boys. They were outcasts. It was like she was picking up strays and taking them in. It's like she could see past their rough exteriors and see the parts of them that hurt. Maybe she thought she could take away the hurt. She was wrong, of course. But I found it hard to fault her for her good heart. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

It was like she understood something about me that she'd never quite understood before. I always felt that when she looked at me, she was trying to find me, trying to find out who I was. But it seemed at that moment that she saw me, that she knew me. But that confused me. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Sometimes when people talk, they don;t always tell the truth. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Water was something he loved, something he respected. He understood its beauty and its dangers. He talked about swimming as if it were a way of life. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I had learned to hide what I felt. No, that's not true. There was no learning involved. I had been born knowing how to hide what I felt. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

The sun flickers. Like a flame hit by a sudden gust of wind. Like the lights of a bomb shelter during an air raid. Even the sun flickers. That's what she kept telling herself. A gust, a bomb, a small explosion. Then the disruption passed - everything calm again. Everything returning to normalcy. Except that she felt herself trembling. Except she knew that this was the beginning. It was her body that had flickered. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

You can't expect to go both ways when you're driving on a one-way street. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I closed my eyes and let the water rush over me and I wondered what it would be like to be as soft as water, to make people clean, to quench people's thirst. That would be a beautiful thing, to be like water. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I renamed myself Ari.
If I switched the letter, my name was Air.
I thought it might be a great thing to be the air.
I could be something and nothing at the same time. I could be necessary and also invisible. Everyone would need me and no one would be able to see me. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Maybe the sun had set. Maybe the rainbow had lifted - because the light was gone. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

We all fight our own private wars. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I was harder than Dante. I think I'd tried to hide that hardness from him because I'd wanted him to like me. But now he knew. That I was hard. And maybe that was okay. Maybe he could like the fact that I was hard just as I liked the fact that he wasn't hard. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Mostly, I think people are fake. Well, what do you expect? The fake world we live in conspires to make us all fakes. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

And why the hell was I thinking this crap while Sam was in the other room with a heart that would never be unwounded again? Maybe her heart would never heal. Maybe the hurt would live in her forever. So why in hell was I thinking such stupid and shallow things? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I found myself whispering, "Do you think we'll ever discover all the secrets of the universe?"
I was surprised to hear Susie's voice answering my question. "That would be a beautiful thing, wouldn't it, Ari?"
"Yeah," I whispered. "Really beautiful."
"Do you think, Ari, that love has anything to do with the secrets of the universe? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I wanted to tell him that all the awful things that happened in the old world were dead. And the new world, the world we lived in now, the world we were creating, that world would be better. But I didn't say it, because I wasn't sure it was true. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

People have parties because they're sad. They think a party will make them happy. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I wondered how that felt, to really like yourself. And I wondered why some people didn't like themselves and others did. Maybe that's just the way it was. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

It started to rain and we just sat. Sat and watched the rain in silence. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

On the outside, he was back to his old self. Only, I knew there was a wound living inside him, and that wound wasn't going away anytime soon. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

He said I was too sad a nd that some day I wouldn't be sad anymore - and maybe then I would let someone love me. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

We laughed again. We couldn't stop. I wondered what it was we were laughing about. Was it just our names? Were we laughing because we were relieved? Were we happy? Laughter was another one of life's mysteries — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I'm fighting myself. I know I am. One minute I want to remember. The next minute I want to live in the land of forgetting. One minute I want to feel. The next minute I never want to feel ever again. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

He tried not to laugh, but he wasn't good at controlling all the laughter that lived inside of him. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

For the music to be over so soon. For the music to be over when it had just begun. That was really sad. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

[He] was brave. He didn't care if the whole world knew he was kind. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Maybe this will be the summer when there is nothing but laughter. Maybe this will be the summer. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Why do you like to cuss?" "Everybody likes to cuss." "I don't." "They don't call you Mr. Excitement for nothing. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I decided that maybe we left each other alone too much. Leaving each other alone was killing us. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

It makes me angry that you hate yourself for something that somebody else made you do. Don't let them take any more. Don't you do that Andres."
"None of this does any good, Grace. All these visits, all this talking, all this strolling down fucking memory lane. It doesn't help. And you know why it doesn't help? Because everything that's happened - it lives so deep inside me that the only way I can ever get rid of it is to die."
"That's not true, Andres."
"It is true. Happiness isn't in the cards for everyone, Grace. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I bet you could sometimes find all the mysteries of the universe in someone's hand. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I watched her from the doorway. I wondered how it was that she came to be the owner of that rage. I wanted it for myself but there was nothing in me. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

The problem with parents is that they're adults. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

What did school matter compared to a sister? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Your body is nothing but a money machine." That's what Uncle Rudy says. "That's the way it is. We're all just prostitutes. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Like an animal. As if people weren't animals. She tried to put a face on him. His eyes would betray the chaos of his heart, the riots that were exploding everywhere inside him. His eyes would be so black that they would shine blue in the sun. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I wish I didn't have a heart that God wrote Sad on. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I hated living in the small and claustrophobic atmosphere of my house. It didn't feel like home anymore. I felt like an unwanted guest. — Benjamin Alire Saenz