Bad Santa Quotes & Sayings

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. — George Carlin

Santa Claus is a lie but if you think that's bad, check out what 'fuck' really means. — Andrew Smith

They were on the set of Bad Santa but I tried to keep the headphones away from them. My kids have seen Sling Blade, they've seen Armageddon, Bandits and Friday Night Lights. They have not seen Monster's Ball, nor will they ever, even when they're sixty [laughter]. I will leave it in my will that they can never see it. — Billy Bob Thornton

Goodwill to all.' I know it's techinically 'goodwill to all men,' but in my mind, I drop the 'men' because that feels segregationist/elitist/sexist/generally bad ist. Goodwill shouldn't be just for men. It should also apply to women and children, and all animals, even the yucky ones like subway rats. I'd even extend the goodwill not just to living creatures but to the dearly departed, and if we include them, we might as well include the undead, those supposedly mythic beings like vampires, and if they're in, then so are elves, fairies, and gnomes. Heck, since we're already being so generous in our big group hug, why not also embrace those supposedly inanimate objects like dolls and stuffed animals. I'm sure Santa would agree. 'Goodwill to all. — Rachel Cohn

More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good. — Linda Sunshine

Santa Claus was white and everything bad was black. The little ugly duckling was the black duck, and the black cat was the bad luck. And if I threaten you, I'm going to blackmail you.I said, 'Momma, why don't they call it 'whitemail'? They lie too.' — Muhammad Ali

They always say 'Is there going to be a sequel to Bad Santa?' and you know, I mean, a long time ago they would talk about, you know, we're going to do a sequel to that but it was never serious. And they said 'Would you do it?' and I said out of all the movies I've done, that was a lot of fun, and maybe I would do a sequel if it ever came up and it made sense, but I said I don't think that's ever going to happen. — Billy Bob Thornton

Filming 'Bad Santa' was really where I learned everything that I knew at that point about movies. That was really the first big thing that I had done. — Brett Kelly

Santa can't die, he punish bad people. Behave well and you won't punished! — Deyth Banger

Here's what we know about Santa. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. I think he's with the NSA. — David Letterman

I don't like good kids being corrupted by bad ones, Santa never does".

The Santa Killer — Stuart Francis

[It's Not About You, Mr. Santa Claus,] is a fun read and a twist on Christmas, because it does involve Santa Claus and Jesus, and it doesn't say that Santa Claus is bad, but it's the child explaining to Santa Claus the true reason for the season is Jesus. — Soraya Diase Coffelt

MURRY: I believe in a lot of things. Santa Claus, magic, vampires, and even ghosts but I don't believe in luck. Good or bad. — Hillary DePiano

Do you need help with anything?" he asked with a wicked arched brow. "Maybe with cookies for Santa."
Scowling because no one was here but us, I said, "You're a bit late for that. Santa already came."
He hadn't moved, but I knew better than to think he would. Flynn was a pro at filling the bubble air space that was meant to be private and personal. "And were you a good girl?" he asked.
Awkwardly folding my arms over my chest, I said, "Not sure, I haven't checked. But you needn't look. We all know you are all bad."
Laughing, he said, "Yeah, well, there are other things worth unwrapping."
Grinding my teeth, I asked, "What, you didn't get your Ho, Ho, Ho, last night?"
Tossing back another full belly laugh, he said, "You know you're kind of funny when you want to be. — Shannon Dermott

Wait until you meet the therapist.
That bad?
Let's just say i can't believe he's a real person.
Like Santa Claus?
More like if Santa Claus and Ron Jeremy had a child and then that child had a child with Richard Simmons.
So, like a leprechaun?
Yes, Otter, exactly like a leprechaun.
I'm going to tell him I believe in Santa Claus, just to see what happens.
I dare you. — T.J. Klune

She felt like a woman on fire. Would it be bad to have sex with Santa in the closet? — Kathleen Brooks

There are a few YouTube clips of me singing at The King's Head in Santa Monica, so you can see how bad I am. — Vinnie Jones

Heavy role in the movies that I've done that I have loved and fit my soul; A Simple Plan, Monster's Ball, Sling Blade, One False Move, Bad Santa even. I mean Bad Santa is a comedy, and it's a very dark comedy, and it's become like iconic, you know. — Billy Bob Thornton

Guys who dress up like Santa Claus, see, and give presents away do it because when they was young they must have did something bad and they feel guilty about it. So now they do something they think is good to make up for it, see? — George Seaton

Physically he was the connoisseur's connoisseur. He was a giant panda, Santa Claus and the Jolly Green Giant rolled into one. On him, a lean and slender physique would have looked like very bad casting. — Craig Claiborne

Over the years our mother has beaten us with belts, shoes, rulers, extension cords, hair brushes, a wooden spoon, a fly swatter, a toilet brush, wire coat hangers, wooden coat hangers and sometimes one of our own toys. When you get whacked by your own paddleball paddle or you have to watch your sister getting spanked with a badminton racquet that she asked Santa Claus (AKA Grandma) to bring, you don't feel much like playing with those things ever again. — Bob Thurber

I said that Santa no longer traffics in coal. Instead, if you're bad he comes to your house and steals things. — David Sedaris

Explaining the kiss away via alcohol-induced madness made my head feel better, as though the world had been righted on its axis, and inalienable truths still existed. It also made by heart plus all the girly parts of me fee bad, like when you find out Santa is a myth or that Superman doesn't really exist. — Penny Reid

Oh Come All Ye Faithful "Occum" Claus stood a head taller than most of the other men at the party. Like most of his crazy family, he wore a Santa suit, only the coat of his outfit was missing, exposing suspenders and a sleeveless white tank top. The man was heavily muscled and looked angry; a mixture of holiday cheer and a Navy SEAL having a really bad day. He was the picture that went along with the headline "Christmas Nightmare" or "Crazed Santa Attacks Orphans with Fire Ax. — Elizabeth Gannon

You folks feeling the economic pinch? Are you a little fed up with the economic news? It's bad. The department stores, this holiday season, no Santa Claus. They're laying off department-store Santa Clauses. So more bad news for John McCain. — David Letterman

Each story, good and bad, short or long
from that trip to the mall when you saw Santa, to a long, bad illness
they are all a line or a paragraph in our own life manuscript. Two thirds of the way through, even, and it all won't necessarily make sense, but at the end there'll be a beautiful whole, where every sentence of every chapter fits. — Deb Caletti