Quotes & Sayings About Arses

Now I'm not an expert at mathematics, but I calculated it would take at least three of me to take on one third of one of them, even if they were attacking me with just their arse. — Dylan Moran

As I gather my thoughts here in order to get to the point, I am reminded of a joke Zafar made when he was still in banking. I say joke, but Zafar was always rather serious about banking and often talked about accountability, as he called it. This stuff is so esoteric, he once said, that the only people who understand it are in the business. What about regulators? I asked. Regulators, he replied, have one eye on the revolving door. Academics make money teaching traders their latest research, and politicians don't know their arses from their elbows. Can you imagine the people on a march against finance? The guy on a megaphone shouting: What do we want? And everyone answering: Specific curbs on short selling in certain circumstances. When do we want it? In phases and at appropriate times. That's the joke. It was funny at the time. — Zia Haider Rahman

I rolled my eyes. "Get your arses to work."

Storm barked at my tone and everyone laughed.

I reached down and scratched his ears. "You can be on our team if you want, buddy."

Ryder cleared his throat. "He's a male."

Was he just figuring that out?

"So?"

"So," Nico chimed in, "he is automatically drafted onto the men's team."

"That's a stupid technicality," I stated.

Alec smirked at me. "No, he is a male so therefore he is on the male's team."

I wanted to fight that, but Aideen tugged on my arm getting my attention.

"Let them have him, all the fat shite does is sleep, fart, and eat. He is hardly goin' to help the competition. — L.A. Casey

Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse but enough about Kanye West. — Stewart Francis

It is an ancient and venerated custom of people in my country to start a story by praying to a Higher Power.
"I guess, Your Excellency, that I too should start off by kissing some god's arse.
"Which god's arse, though? There are so many choices.
"See, the Muslims have one god.
"The Christians have three gods.
"And we Hindus have 36,000,004 divine arses to choose from. — Aravind Adiga

It's interesting to see the dislocation between how people perceive a person visually. Apparently on the radio I'm blonde with a big arse. — Tamsin Greig

Yeah, arrest that man on the crime of having 8 Chicken McNuggets stuck up his arse. — Dwayne Johnson

Ye see, Rab, it's due to the way we feel about our arseholes. We now believe, as a species, if our soul is located anywhere in our bodies, it's up our arses. That's where it all goes. It makes sense. That's why we're obsessed with anal jokes, anal sex, anal hobbies...the arsehole - not the brain, not space - is the last frontier. That's what makes us revolutionaries. — Irvine Welsh

Having just had a baby, I'm not going to be thinking about my arse. — Kate Winslet

the remark of a Middlesex Regiment officer in 1918. "Intelligence services," the man had said, "are prone to looking up their own arses and wondering why it's dark. — David Downing

There are stains on their knees, stains on their arses. Dirty Leeds. — David Peace

An ample arse helps you to be weighed down and be grounded. — Pedro Almodovar

If you want to get on in life get off your arse because it ain't going to come to you. And if it does come to you and you're not off your arse then you ain't going to keep it very long. — Ray Winstone

Some sheep were bleating away beside the track, pressed tight into a pen much too small. Foraged, no doubt, meaning stolen, some unlucky shepherd's livelihood vanished down the gullets and out the arses of Black Dow's army. Behind a screen of hides, not two strides from the flock, a woman was slaughtering 'em and three more doing the skinning and gutting and hanging the carcasses, all soaked to the armpits in blood and not caring much about it either. Two lads, probably just reached fighting age, were watching. Laughing at how stupid the sheep were, not to guess what was happening behind those hides. They didn't see that they were in the pen, and behind a screen of songs and stories and young men's dreams, war was waiting, soaked to the armpits and not caring. — Joe Abercrombie

I worked in Harrods as a sales girl and I was so lazy, I just sat on my arse all day. Now I have huge respect for shop girls. It was boring, so I tried to shoplift things, but we'd always get our bags checked. — Susannah Constantine

I guess, your Excellency, that I too should start off by kissing some god's arse. Wich god's arse, though? There are so many choices. See the Muslims have one god. The Christians have three gods. And we Hindus have 36.000.000 gods. Making a grand total of 36.000.004 divine arses for me to choose from — Aravind Adiga

As for Gordon Brown - I've described him and Blair as two cheeks of the same arse. — George Galloway

But in doing so
moving forward ...
he's still dealing with the past. It's always strung out behind us, innit, attached to our arses like a roll of toilet paper we trail out of the bathroom, pointing the way to the giant shite we just took. It doesn't matter if we flushed it down; Everyone still knows what we did there. So its fine to say it's all done and you have no connection with the past, that you're a new person every second, but silly in my view to pretend that person isn't made of the old one. — Kevin Hearne

To plunder, to lie, to show your arse, are three essentials for climbing high. — Aristophanes

His favourite word, one for which I have a great deal of time myself as a matter of fact, was "arse." Everyone was more or less an arse most of the time, but I was arsier than just about everyone else in the school. In fact, in my case he would often go further - I was on many occasions a bumptious arse. Before I learned what bumptious actually meant I assumed that it derived from "bum" and believed therefore with great pride that as a bumptious arse I was doubly arsey - twice the arse of ordinary arses. — Stephen Fry

All my friends seem to be smart arses. Don't ask me why. Like many things, it is what it is. — Markus Zusak

So let me get this straight," said Adam eventually, leaning forward on his crate. "Jesus came back and took all his righteous believers with him, right? Now the rest of us are stuck here for the next seven years while demons emerge every night to drag our sorry arses to Hell? Is that the gist of it? — Phillip W. Simpson

I've been a poser for f
ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh. — Billy Connolly

I'll tell you what pressure is. Pressure is a Messerschmitt up your arse. Playing cricket is not. — Keith Miller

Lucy: I don't understand men.
Nettie: What is there to understand? If you feed 'em regular-like and give 'em a bit of 'sugar' now and then, they're easy enough. And if they don't behave, you just toss 'em out on their arses. That's what I always say. — Sabrina Jeffries

We've got secrets coming out our arses and you want to take them to a clairvoyant? — Cath Crowley

It takes a bomb under his arse to make Hitler see logic. — Joseph Goebbels

If I could dance like the ladies can, it would have been my arse on your screens — Lily Allen

Man, that's a killer strategy, that is, an awesome way to persuade the incognoscenti that we're not crazed hokum junkies, high on hackwork, trying to pimp our addled euphoria to anyone who passes. Yeah, vehement denial that we've got anything to do with the crack-whore pump-daddy beast of a thousand cocks locked in the closet. Bitter accusations of snootcocking snipewankery when they point out that crack-whore pimp-daddy beast of a thousand cocks in the closet. Offended outrage when they assume the mindfuck we're touting is a cheap handjob, just because we're, like, standing on a street corner dressed to sell our arses. And because our first words to a prospective customer just happens to be, 'Hey, big boy. — Hal Duncan

We've been over this formation a thousand times so they better remember it or I'll jam bamboo up their arses. — Suzanne Wright

The shrill voices of those who give orders
Are full of fear like the squeakings of
Piglets awaiting the butcher's knife, as their fat arses
Sweat with anxiety in their office chairs ...
Fear rules not only those who are ruled, but
The rulers too. — Bertolt Brecht

I always try to remember that praise and a slap on your back is only 6 inches away from a kick up the arse! — Anthony Foley

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. — Billy Connolly

There scotsmen must have arses like leather,for while he ate I could see naught beneath his kilts but a pair of rather large balls , the secretary told him . - philippa — Bertrice Small

I might take what I do very seriously, but at least I'm doing something, rather than sitting on my arse and being no-one. — Joshua James Alphonse Franceschi

The other man's arse is always cleaner! — Stephen Fry

Dance music was on its arse before we came along. — Sergio Pizzorno

Not that i had a big arse but even that was toned. — Benedict Cumberbatch

...bravo...' Mister Kindly said,'..if only I had hands to applaud..'
Mia smacked her backside. 'I'd settle for lips to kiss my sweet behind.
'...I would have to find it first...'
Arses are like fine wine, Mister Kindly. Better too little than too much.
' ...a beauty and a philosopher. be still my beating heart...' The not-cat looked down at its translucent chest '...O,wait... — Jay Kristoff

Must be frustrating being a scientist. There you are, incrementally discovering how the universe works via a series of complex tests and experiments, for the benefit of all mankind - and what thanks do you get? People call you "egghead" or "boffin" or "heretic", and they cave your face in with a rock and bury you out in the wilderness.
Not literally - not in this day and age - but you get the idea. Scientists are mistrusted by huge swathes of the general public, who see them as emotionless lab-coated meddlers-with-nature rather than, say, fellow human beings who've actually bothered getting off their arses to work this shit out. — Charlie Brooker

The only thing I wouldn't do is sell my arse. — Tony Abbott

You must have stuck a finger up your arse at least once. — Noel Fielding

But here there were houses full of *stuff*, fancy sheets woven with silk floss as soft as a baby's bum; fancy washstands carved of dark wood that glowed like cherries where the light hit it; curtains the shade of the summer sky, heavy and glossy and smooth to the touch. The velvet-flocked wallpaper was so soft beneath her fingertips that had her eyes been closed, she might have thought she was brushing the belly of a rabbit.
And the stool in the corner! One wouldn't imagine you'd get too fancy with such a piece, but this stool was covered with embroidery so fine that her knuckles ached just looking at the stitches. Unbelievable. The rich even spoiled their arses! — Meredith Duran

I'd like to have a business card saying: Bruce Norris kicked your arse. — Robert Muchamore

There's a gang of boys on bikes blocking the road ahead. They've got their hoods up, cigarettes shielded. The sky's a really strange colour and there's hardly anyone else about. I slow right down.
"What shall I do?"
"Reverse," Zoey says. "They're not going to move."
I wind down the window. "Oi!" I yell "Move your arses!"
They turn languid, shift lazily to the edge of the road and grin as I blow kisses at them.
Zoey looks stunned, "What's got into you?"
"Nothing- I just haven't learned reversing yet. — Jenny Downham

The only thing I can do is wipe my arse, brush my teeth, turn up and do the best work I can. — Tom Hardy

Tony Abbott would do anything but sell his arse — Tony Windsor

I am struck by the way people behave on the Tube. They look at each other beadily and inquisitively, and something goes on in their thoughts which must be equivalent to the way dogs and other animals, when they meet, sniff each other's arses and nuzzle each other's fur. — Graham Swift

People who got on their feet and freaked about were called idiot dancers. and nobody wants to be called an idiot dancer. But the whole idea of rock and roll is to get people off their arses - that's what it's about. — Steve Marriott

The greatest monarch on the proudest throne is obliged to sit upon his own arse. — Benjamin Franklin

That is NOT the arse of a £7million player! — Eamon Dunphy

Whoever designed this frigging map was having a laugh. Just around the corner, my arse. — Freya Stark

If his Majesty is resolved to have my head, he may make a whistle of my arse if he pleases. — Algernon Sidney

Blessed are those who eat greens, for they shall keep their teeth. Blessed are those who wash their hands after wiping their arses, for they shall not sicken. Blessed are those who boil water, for they shall be called saviors of mankind. — Diana Gabaldon

My sword," I told him, "says I tell the truth, and that you are a stinking bag of wind, a liar from hell, a cheat and a perjurer who deserves death."
"Up to our arses again," Leofric said. — Bernard Cornwell

I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home. — Billy Connolly