Anniversary Funny Quotes & Sayings

Don't cut my throat, I may want to do that later myself. — Casey Stengel

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen. — Red Skelton

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? — Dorothy Parker

As it turned out, my fears were unwarranted. Which isn't to say you haven't changed. But the biggest change of all has been a measure of peace. The peace is not total, but in the face of a suffocating anxiety, a measure of peace is no small thing. — Maggie Nelson

I'm as moody and complex and private as anyone I ever knew. — Ryan O'Neal

Then there was a man who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late' — Oscar Wilde

I have done hard jobs in the past, and acting isn't one of them. — Graham McTavish

I had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' I said, 'Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question!' — Mitch Hedberg

I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.' — Henny Youngman

Listen. There is a sound like the knocking of railway trucks in a siding. That is the happy concatenation of one event following another in our lives. Knock, knock, knock. Must, must, must. Must go, must sleep, must wake, must get up - sober, merciful word which we pretend to revile, which we press tight to our hearts, without which we should be undone. How we worship that sound like the knocking together of trucks in a siding! — Virginia Woolf

Whatever is unlike Christ in conduct, speech, or disposition grieves the Spirit of grace. — Billy Graham

It's a dog eat dog world, and Mr. Perfect is a Milk Bone. — Bobby Heenan

Elle wondered if he had regrets. But she didn't let herself wonder for too long. She had locked her heart up against him, and it would take something extraordinarily strong to break it open. — Harriet Evans

Did I think I was doing God's work?" he said later. "No. But I did think market efficiency was something important for the economy. — Michael Lewis

While I'm dreaming, Wake up screaming, Cuz I can hear them suckas scheming. — Tupac Shakur

I'm not a diva - not yet, anyway. — Amanda Latona

I have a stack of scripts that I've read - I'm in the lucky position where I get offered things - but I haven't wanted to direct many of them. — Nicole Holofcener

The Communist torturers often said, 'There is no God, no hereafter, no punishment for evil. We can do what we wish.' I have heard one torturer even say, 'I thank God, in whom I don't believe, that I have lived to this hour when I can express all the evil in my heart.' He expressed it in unbelievable brutality and torture inflected on prisoners. — Richard Wurmbrand

The truth is that we have done far too little, for we have never apologized. We have never fully, publicly acknowledged the evil that was done to African-Americans as evil. The Civil War obliterated a wicked institution, but a war alone cannot obliterate wicked thinking. Slavery ended but racism continued, and in many ways it intensified after that war. Slavery existed only in the South, but racism pervades the entire country. — Marianne Williamson

I like the idea of R-rated franchises. — David Fincher