Alan Carr Best Quotes & Sayings

When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop. — Alan Carr

'Civilians' is a term I love. It's what Elizabeth Hurley used to describe people who weren't on TV. — Alan Carr

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached. — Alan Carr

A true friend never asks of you what they know you would never ask of them. — Alan Carr

Dad instantly set out his stall:he wanted a big dog, a 'man dog',a dog that if it was human would enjoy a pint and stare at the barmaid's arse — Alan Carr

What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act! — Alan Carr

Alan Campbell opened one eye.
From somewhere in remote distances, muffled beyond sight or sound, his soul crawled back painfully, through subterranean corridors, up into his body again. Toward the last it moved to a cacophony of hammers and lights.
Then he was awake.
The first eye was bad enough. But, when he opened his second eye, such as rush of anguish flowed through his brain that he hastily closed them again. — John Dickson Carr

All change requires effort and sacrifice. Sometimes action plans fail because they are based on the idea that there is a 'magic bullet' which on its own can solve our problems.This is not true. Complex human problems typically require complex solutions with many different components. — Alan Carr

Because you were wearing a badge, customers assumed you were an oracle.
'What aisle is the desiccated coconut'
'How long do you cook a butternut squash?'
'What would you have with a pan fried red mullet?'
'Where can I find the holy grail?' Enough already! Some people obviously misread the 'Here to help' as 'Hello I'm your bitch! — Alan Carr