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Quotes & Sayings About Abusive Man

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Top Abusive Man Quotes

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers who kill their partners to make the absurd claim that they were driven by the depths of their loving feelings. The news media regrettably often accept the aggressors' view of these acts, describing them as "crimes of passion." But what could more thoroughly prove that a man did not love his partner? If a mother were to kill one of her children, would we ever accept the claim that she did it because she was overwhelmed by how much she cared? Not for an instant. Nor should we. Genuine love means respecting the humanity of the other person, wanting what is best for him or her, and supporting the other person's self-esteem and independence. This kind of love is incompatible with abuse and coercion. — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Susan Crandall

I know you didn't see the violence and need for control in him in the beginning, but I'm sure it was there. Nothing you did turned him into such an abusive man. And you ... well, you just didn't see your own value before that. It's an easy thing for a woman to overlook. We're taught from the cradle that men rule. — Susan Crandall

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

The volatile, abusive, and sometimes dangerous reactions that abusers can have when relationships draw to a close have often been considered, especially by psychologists, to be evidence of the man's "fear of abandonment." But women have fears of abandonment that are just as great as men's, yet they rarely stalk or kill their partners after a breakup. Not only that, but many abusers are vicious to their ex-partners even when they do not desire a reunion or when they initiated the breakup themselves. — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Clif Flynn

During an abusive episode, pets often react by shivering or shaking, cowering, hiding, or urinating - similar physical manifestations of stress that are displayed by humans. Therefore, it is important to understand that both women and animals are victimized by the abuse of the other. A man's violence toward an animal also hurts his partner (and children), just as his violence toward her also hurts the animal. — Clif Flynn

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

The abusive man's high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His attitude is: "You owe me." For each ounce he gives, he wants a pound in return. He wants his partner to devote herself fully to catering to him, even if it means that her own needs - or her children's - get neglected. You can pour all your energy into keeping your partner content, but if he has this mind-set, he'll never be satisfied for long. And he will keep feeling that you are controlling him, because he doesn't believe that you should set any limits on his conduct or insist that he meet his responsibilities. — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Stefan Molyneux

The price of getting men to fight is giving them respect. Men will fight to protect women they love, men will fight to protect children they have fathered, for obvious reasons, both moral and biological, but where a man is not respected, where men are 'cucked' . . . if men utilized and turned into a form of captive livestock, if men are enslaved to female vanity, protectiveness, emotional self-defense, what happens is men don't love their societies anymore because society is not giving them respect. The men are in the same relationship to society as an abused woman is to an abusive man. There may be attachment, an unwillingness or lack of capacity to escape, but there's no love. — Stefan Molyneux

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that - excuses. We don't consider an active alcoholic a reliable source of insight. So why should we let an angry and controlling man be the authority on partner abuse? — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By S.E. Hinton

My mother was physically and emotionally abusive. My father was an extremely cold man. — S.E. Hinton

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

When a man's face contorts in bitterness and hatred, he looks a little insane. When his mood changes from elated to assaultive in the time it takes to turn around, his mental stability seems open to question. When he accuses his partner of plotting to harm him, he seems paranoid. It is no wonder that the partner of an abusive man would come to suspect that he was mentally ill.
Yet the great majority of my clients over the years have been psychologically "normal." Their minds work logically; they understand cause and effect; they don't hallucinate. Their perceptions of most life circumstances are reasonably accurate. They get good reports at work; they do well in school or training programs; and no one other than their partners - and children - thinks that there is anything wrong with them. Their value system is unhealthy, not their psychology. — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Paul The Apostle

Bottom line: Outbursts of anger - including screaming, throwing things, banging inanimate objects, slamming doors, squealing tires, stomping around, making threats, shoving, restraining, cornering, or yelling down, all carry the threat of physical harm -even if that threat is not intended. All these things are abusive, and completely unacceptable. Nothing a woman or man does (including any of the above) justifies doing any of these. If you are doing any of these, you have a problem - PLEASE deal with it before it escalates. — Paul The Apostle

Abusive Man Quotes By Steve McHugh

You don't understand," she said meekly. "Really? Okay, you're a special case then, are you? Unlike all the others in abusive relationships, your man really does love you. He's a good man deep down. Tells you he'll change. — Steve McHugh

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

I am often asked whether physical aggression by women toward men, such as a slap in the face, is abuse. The answer is: "It depends." Men typically experience women's shoves or slaps as annoying and infuriating rather than intimidating, so the long-term emotional effects are less damaging. It is rare to find a man who has gradually lost his freedom or self-esteem because of a woman's aggressiveness. — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Catherine Hardwicke

I worked for 20 directors as a production designer, most male. I was on the set to witness firsthand a range of sometimes atrocious emotions - well-documented firings, yellings, fights between directors and actors, hookers, abusive things, budget overages, lack of preparation. A man gets a standing ovation for crying because he's so sensitive, but a woman is shamed. — Catherine Hardwicke

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

A man's beliefs about the effects of the substance will largely be borne out. If he believes that alcohol can make him aggressive, it will, as research has shown. On the other hand, if he doesn't attribute violence-causing powers to substances, he is unlikely to become aggressive even when severely intoxicated. — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

Have you ever heard a woman claim that the reason why she is chronically mistreating her male partner is because a previous man abused her? I have never run into this excuse in the fifteen years I have worked in the field of abuse. Certainly I have encountered cases where women had trouble trusting another man after leaving an abuser, but there is a critical distinction to be made: Her past experiences may explain how she feels, but they are not an excuse for how she behaves. And the same is true for a man. — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Arun D. Ellis

A revolutionary war of freedom, he said" Hiawatha responded crisply, "and I agree ... does Superman ever fly to Thailand and free the kids slaving in the sweat shops owned by the rich corporations? No, he doesn't. Does Batman ever break into prison and free the wrongfully convicted and over sentenced black man whose rights were trampled on when he was incarcerated? No, he doesn't. Does Spider man ever break into a house in suburbia and beat up the abusive and violent husband? No, he doesn't."
"Do the Fantastic Four ever fly out to third world countries and defend the rights of the poor civilians against greedy American corporations? No, they don't," said the Pirate, not to be outdone.
"They're all just tools used by the state to maintain the status quo," said Hiawatha. — Arun D. Ellis

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, are macho men or gentle, "liberated" men. No psychological test can distinguish an abusive man from a respectful one. Abusiveness is not a product of a man's emotional injuries or of deficits in his skills. In reality, abuse springs from a man's early cultural training, his key male role models, and his peer influences. In other words, abuse is a problem of values, not of psychology. When someone challenges an abuser's attitudes and beliefs, he tends to reveal the contemptuous and insulting personality that normally stays hidden, reserved for private attacks on his partner. An abuser tries to keep everybody - his partner, his therapist, his friends and relatives - focused on how he feels, so that they won't focus on how he thinks, perhaps because on some level he is aware that if you grasp the true nature of his problem, you will begin to escape his domination. — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Danny Care

While it can be aggressive playing rugby, the aggression doesn't leave the rugby pitch. A Real Man doesn't need to use violence or be abusive to others, especially towards his partner and family. I am proud to support the Women's Aid Real Man campaign. — Danny Care

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

Imagine the privileges an abusive man may acquire: getting his own way most of the time, having his partner bend over backward to keep him happy so he won't explode, getting to behave as he pleases, and then on top of it all, he gets praise for what a good person he is, and everyone is trying to help him feel better about himself! — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Pierre Alex Jeanty

Just remember that it's not your responsibility to fix a broken man. It's not worth your time, your effort, your love or your tears. If he's not willing to fix himself for you, there's nothing left to do but walk away and move behind his selfish, immature, and ultimately abusive behavior. Not all men are broken, but you have to believe you deserve better. Expect better and you'll receive better, it's that simple. — Pierre Alex Jeanty

Abusive Man Quotes By April Cassidy

Male domination - where a husband forcefully asserts dominance in physically, emotionally, or spiritually abusive ways and treats his wife harshly without godly love - is a sinful distortion of male headship. A wife becoming slave-like is also a sinful distortion that undermines the value, dignity, beauty, and worth of a wife and warps the picture of what godly femininity is supposed to be. Male passivity is a sinful distortion of biblical masculinity that abandons God-given responsibility and accountability and endangers a man's wife and family. — April Cassidy

Abusive Man Quotes By J.R. Rain

Yeah, he fought like a crazy man. His face twisted. And, no, he didn't hit her. At least, not in the memories I saw. But he was verbally abusive. — J.R. Rain

Abusive Man Quotes By Debby Bull

You can die trying to get along with a disagreeable man," she said, and I put a star beside it when I wrote it down and then taped it to the rear-view mirror for the rest of the drive. She hadn't said "abusive," I noticed; she had said that just disagreeable could kill you. — Debby Bull

Abusive Man Quotes By Debbie Stabenow

The biggest challenge is to convince a woman that it's not her fault. My daughter is 25; my stepdaughter is 22. As a mother, I want them to know that if a boyfriend is abusive, you cannot ignore it ?- 'Oh, he's been drinking,' or 'He had a bad day.' There is no excuse for a man hitting a woman. Ever. — Debbie Stabenow

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

When a man starts my program, he often says, "I am here because I lose control of myself sometimes. I need to get a better grip." I always correct him: "Your problem is not that you lose control of yourself, it's that you take control of your partner. In order to change, you don't need to gain control over yourself, you need to let go of control of her. — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

One of the biggest mistakes made by people who wish to help an abused woman is to measure success by whether or not she leaves her abusive partner. If the woman feels unable or unready to end her relationship, or if she does separate for a period but then goes back to him, people who have attempted to help tend to feel that their effort failed and often channel this frustration into blaming the abused woman. A better measure of success for the person helping is how well you have respected the woman's right to run her own life - which the abusive man does not do - and how well you have helped her to think of strategies to increase her safety. If you stay focused on these goals you will feel less frustrated as a helper and will be a more valuable resource for the woman. — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Toni Maguire

I remember the pain I felt, and wonder why a man who was such an accomplished liar had to tell the truth that day. — Toni Maguire

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

The National District Attorney's Association Bulletin reported a revealing study that was conducted on another group of destructive men: child sexual abusers. The researcher asked each man whether he himself had been sexually victimized as a child. A hefty 67 percent of the subjects said yes. However, the researcher then informed the men that he was going to hook them up to a lie-detector test and ask them the same questions again. Affirmative answers suddenly dropped to only 29 percent. In other words, abusers of all varieties tend to realize the mileage they can get out of saying, "I'm abusive because the same thing was done to me." Although — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Ellen J. Barrier

The individual that believes God permits a man to hit a woman or speak to her using abusive language, is void of understanding who God is. He condemns violence in any form. — Ellen J. Barrier

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

Although the typical abusive man works to maintain a positive public image, it is true that some women have abusive partners who are nasty or intimidating to everyone. How about that man? Do his problems result from mistreatment by his parents? The answer is both yes and no; it depends on which problem we're talking about. His hostility toward the human race may sprout from cruelty in his upbringing, but he abuses women because he has an abuse problem. The two problems are related but distinct. — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Beverly Engel

Strong Women never put their safety or their self-esteem aside to please someone else or to keep a man. If someone acts inappropriately or abusively in any way (including becoming emotionally abusive), Strong Women stand up for themselves and make it abundantly clear that they will not tolerate the abuse. If this doesn't work, they walk away. — Beverly Engel

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

In reality, to remain neutral is to collude with the abusive man, whether or not that is your goal. If you are aware of chronic or severe mistreatment and do not speak out against it, your silence communicates implicitly that you see nothing unacceptable taking place. — Lundy Bancroft

Abusive Man Quotes By Lundy Bancroft

An abusive man who is adept in the language of feelings can make his partner feel crazy by turning each argument into a therapy session in which he puts her reactions under a microscope and assigns himself the role of "helping" her. He may, for example, "explain" to her the emotional issues she needs to work through, or analyze her reasons for "mistakenly" believing that he is mistreating her. — Lundy Bancroft