Above Ground Pool Quotes & Sayings

I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool, it was 30 seconds long. Because that's the maximum amount of time you can picture yourself having fun in an above-ground pool. If it was 31 seconds, the actor would say "The water is only up to here? What do I do now? Throw the ball back to Jimmy? Or put some goggles on and look at his feet?" — Mitch Hedberg

I have been told by the third grade teacher that my daughter Poppet is reading at middle school level. Yet if I leave Poppet a note in block letters telling her to feed the dogs I will come home to find the dogs have been ... given a swim in the above-ground pool, dressed in tutus, provided with hair weaves. What I will not find is that the dogs have been fed. 'I thought you wanted me to free the dogs,' says Poppet whose school district is not spending quite what D.C.'s is, thanks to voter rejection of the last school bond referendum. — P. J. O'Rourke

I am a member of the "career-less generation." Or the "screwed generation." Unlike previous generations, the members of my generation won't get jobs and respectable wages straight out of high school, let alone college. We don't have the means to buy homes and start families in our twenties. We're the first generation in a while who will be less well off and less secure than their parents'. Strangely, I seemed more okay with this than my parents. Not being able to afford an above-ground swimming pool and a kid wasn't some heartbreaking tragedy to me. — Ken Ilgunas

Shit, a hillbilly ho' MMA reality show? It could've aired right after Buckwild. All you'd need is an above ground swimming pool - one of those fancy ones from Sears with the wrap around decking - and you'd have the perfect cracker coliseum. Who wouldn't pay to see a couple spitting-mad, big-haired Daisy-Dukes kick the shit out of each other while some good-old-boys drank themselves stupid cheering them on? — E.V. Iverson